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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His parents don't know about us

57 replies

havanar · 30/09/2024 21:26

DP got back together after 6 months apart following an explosive break up (we both acknowledge and agree he was the perpetrator, he is remorseful). His parents were, I feel, over involved in the break up.

He lives with his parents, and lies to them about where he is going when he comes to see me. He also doesn't want me to tell my family (even though I want to) about us, in case it gets back to his as we live in the same town.

We were going to go away and stay in a family friend's apartment in December, he wants me to lie about who I'm going with.

He said that he thinks we should tell me around March time, when we're more "settled".

It's really pissing me off. AIBU???

OP posts:
fashionqueen0123 · 30/09/2024 21:27

Why would you even consider this. How were they involved if they don’t know you?
Are you both 12?!

Original poster
havanar · 30/09/2024 21:28

fashionqueen0123 · 30/09/2024 21:27

Why would you even consider this. How were they involved if they don’t know you?
Are you both 12?!

They do know me.

They just don't know we're back together.

OP posts:
BirthdayRainbow · 30/09/2024 21:29

I couldn't be doing with this. He caused you to break up. Somehow he got you back but he's too ashamed to tell anyone. Lovely.

Whyhaveibeencutoutofmamsnot · 30/09/2024 21:29

Sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it.
How can he be your DP if he is behaving like this.
Are there cultural/ religious differences to stop his parents knowing?
He is being very childish.

Beamur · 30/09/2024 21:30

YANBU
Why the secrecy?.

Original poster
havanar · 30/09/2024 21:30

Beamur · 30/09/2024 21:30

YANBU
Why the secrecy?.

Because his parents won't like the fact we're together.

OP posts:
Beamur · 30/09/2024 21:31

None of this bodes well.

TheShellBeach · 30/09/2024 21:32

So he was aggressive towards you and now wants you to lie to your family?

No way, OP.

TheShellBeach · 30/09/2024 21:32

havanar · 30/09/2024 21:30

Because his parents won't like the fact we're together.

Show quote history

And yours will?

Gcsunnyside23 · 30/09/2024 21:32

Why are you agreeing to being a secret?

TheShellBeach · 30/09/2024 21:33

DP got back together after 6 months apart following an explosive break up (we both acknowledge and agree he was the perpetrator, he is remorseful)

What did he do to you?

RedHelenB · 30/09/2024 21:33

If you're adults and he loves you he won't want to keep it a secret from anyone

loropianalover · 30/09/2024 21:34

I’d be wondering what he’s been saying about you to his parents during the break up…. Anything to make him look better I’m sure

OwlishPeering · 30/09/2024 21:34

havanar · 30/09/2024 21:30

Because his parents won't like the fact we're together.

Show quote history

Why not?

Or did they get a different narrative of the breakup, in which he wasn’t the ‘perpetrator’, but you were shagging your way through the local rugby team or something?

ManhattanPopcorn · 30/09/2024 21:34

This has disaster written all over it.

TheShellBeach · 30/09/2024 21:35

Can you tell us about the break up?

Pussycat22 · 30/09/2024 21:35

I should leave him with his mummy.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 30/09/2024 21:36

I'd SERIOUSLY rethink this relationship if I were you.

Original poster
havanar · 30/09/2024 21:36

TheShellBeach · 30/09/2024 21:35

Can you tell us about the break up?

I've posted about it a couple of times before, and been flamed for getting back with him.

So I'm reluctant to talk about it again.

OP posts:
Mebebecat · 30/09/2024 21:40

OP he isn't really with you. If he is not telling his family and indeed doesn't want anyone to know he is ashamed of you/just not that into you.
You will not still be together by March if he manages to work up the courage to dump you.
He is pretending his parents will disapprove because he knows it's not worth the hassle of letting them know, as the relationship is going nowhere.
Time for you to end it yourself.

ThatAgileGoldMoose · 30/09/2024 21:41

havanar · 30/09/2024 21:36

I've posted about it a couple of times before, and been flamed for getting back with him.

So I'm reluctant to talk about it again.

Show quote history

Do you think you were flamed, or do you think they had a point? X

Original poster
havanar · 30/09/2024 21:42

Do you think you were flamed, or do you think they had a point?

They definitely had a point, I could see where all the responses were coming from.

OP posts:
Londonrach1 · 30/09/2024 21:42

Why you with someone who wants to hid the fact he is with you. He should be proud he with you. Yanbu and tbh I'd let him go. You worth more

TheFlis · 30/09/2024 21:45

Will his parents not be happy because they don’t like you or because they know he is not good for you and it’s not a healthy relationship?

TheShellBeach · 30/09/2024 21:46

havanar · 30/09/2024 21:36

I've posted about it a couple of times before, and been flamed for getting back with him.

So I'm reluctant to talk about it again.

Show quote history

Not under this user name.
Are you worried about the likely outcome of getting back with him?

I mean, was he abusive to you in some way?