To not want to teach

[idontwanttoteach]

This is probably going to be a frustrating thread because there’s literally no way around it, I sort of have to teach because it’s the only thing I’ve done and the only thing I can earn the amount I do and plus the holidays (have young children) and so on.

But. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Teach.

I know about the FB group by the way but there’s no real feasible alternative for me at the moment.

The thing is, your predicament is actually not at all about teaching. I’m late 40s in the public sector and I feel exactly the same: fed up with a job I used to love, because all the joy and interesting bits have drained away over 14 years of austerity. Only: I earn significantly less than a teacher, despite my postgraduate qualifications, expertise and decades of experience AND the fact I’m in a shortage profession.

But also, close friends in go-getting high paid private sector jobs feel exactly the same too.

Maybe it might help you to reframe it a bit and reflect on the fact that many (most) professionals are fed up with their jobs and would love nothing more than to leave, if only it weren’t for the money? There isn’t a greener field you’re missing out on, it’s just that middle age as a tired working parent is a bit shit?

I can well believe that. Reserve the right to sound off a bit about it, though!

Hey OP. I’m sure you’re a great teacher. If you weren’t the year 11s wouldn’t have been able to get you down.

Working for anyone in any job with little kids who wake overnight sucks. Honestly, we are all in the misery together. I’ve worked full time in my own business the entirety of my parenting and there were many many days of ‘trapped’.

It does get much better when the kids get older, you’ve just got to hang in there. Chances are the feeling would be the same anywhere.

things I’ve done to help are:

• work full time and use cash to outsource childcare, cleaning and gardening. I feel better in all areas being on top of my work, and I appreciate not having to do some of the ‘drudge’ work.
• change my mindsets. When my youngest was 3 we lost my MIL in traumatic circumstances. She used to be our main extra set of hands. Life was so hard. Grief, loss, an exponential increase in the day to day workload, 2 young kids, sourcing additional child care, the loneliness of most peers having no idea what it’s like to lose a parent in your 30s, or run a business, or do both at the same time. You can let it drown you or you can figure out how to change the way you think to be more resilient. It sucks. It’s boring. I didn’t want to! But the gift a number of years on, is that I can now view most difficulties as an opportunity, and knowing you can get through anything is something no one can take away from you.
• one of the things I said on repeat to my husband was I need more help. It doesn’t need to come from you as I know you’re working hard too, but we need to bring in more people to help because I’m at my limit. As the default parent I think you’re just expected to cope with an ever increasing set of demands while accommodating everyone’s needs, and most of the time our life partners don’t know what that feels like because it’s not their experience. Learning to speak up, identify what needs more help, and outsourcing it does help.
• schedule in things that meet my needs. My cup felt perpetually empty. So empty that I could self care for weeks and it wouldn’t be enough. Carving out time for me in the weekly calendar did help a lot. The available time had increased as the kids got older but in the early days time for working out was important and seeing a friend for coffee every couple of weeks made a huge difference.

I hope you can get a good nights sleep and feel a bit more recharged tomorrow. When able, have a play around with alternate ways to see the problem, or make some time to see a professional if you’re really struggling to (I did). And whinge away. It really is a difficult stage of transformation and personal growth.

It's Monday
It's cold and wet outside.
The current year 11s are awful.
I get it.
Before you throw the baby out with the bathwater, look at other schools.
I lost my mojo 13 years ago and panic- applied to jobs outside education.
I ended up sticking with school, had babies, went part- time, stepped down my subject lead role and am now back to full time.
I'm cruising on UPR3 and enjoying teaching (most days).
Have a look around at other schools. X

And then you end up constantly watching your back and teaching on egg shells in fear of being put on a capability plan because you are expensive to keep 😫

I taught for 20 years. I was a single parent for many of those years so I absolutely understand the situation you are in and the need for guaranteed money. I hated it. Are you single. I met a man ,who I adore and we have been married for 20 years. He also happened to be a widower ( only 3 years older than me so not a doddery old sod)and extremely well off. If I hadn't met him I'd still be teaching. I did meet him so Im not and haven't been for years.

I felt similar OP.

I moved schools and it's much better.

I've alway been FT too (H part time) and I genuinely think it's proportionally easier. I have nothing to compare this to though!

Echoing the mid term, miserable weather and shit kids vibes.

@idontwanttoteach ok .... But what's dh's sacrifice? What is he having to put up with/endure for the sake of everyone else?
I have no clue what your and dh's scenario is but for some couples I know it's the fact that he (usually he, but not always) never really wanted kids that much to want to make the career compromisees, trade offs of time and personal autonomy that having kids bring. In which case if you were driving it you might of known it was always going to be your sacrifice/cross to carry...But you know what, marriage and relationships can be re-evaluated and can change and grow. Just because you agreed to something once it doesn't mean you don't get to change your mind?
Any decent partner would be open to an honest discussion about what could be different.
Tonight it might just be the shitty year 11's and lack of sleep, but feeling stuck and hopeless can eat away at you. It can make you bitter and resentful and I'm pretty sure it's not very good for your health. It can sometimes leak out into your interactions with your kids too.... All the sacrifices you make/made being unnoticed (because that's kids/teenagers, god knows they take us for granted which is pretty normal).... Even if you love your job it's hard not to feel a bit resentful at the sheer unrelenting effort of parenting,adulting and working. And if you hate your job, well that's an extra double helping of potential resentment isn't it ..

I am a bit scared to move to be honest

Apart from the lengthy application and interview process, I’d be unlikely to get part time and somewhere as close to home … then have to establish myself again, learn new systems and procedures, new staff …

Its a lot!

Agreed. It's not initially easy. You have to be ready to go, or totally pissed off with your place.

Teaching in a secondary school very almost made me quit teaching. I'm part time in a sixth form college now and it is SO much better in terms of workload and general pupil attitudes.

I totally get you. I was a teacher for 20 years and loved my job, put my heart and soul into it. However, the demands of the job became more and more and when I started my own family, I couldn't devote the time I had previously to it.
I left 5 years ago and joined the local council. I now work FT (I was 3 days as a teacher), the pro rata pay is less, but I earn more by working full time hours. I do feel as though I now have more free time to spend with my kids and do hobbies. Teaching is such a time consuming job and I was definitely feeling burnt out.
Have a plan for what you could do as your kids get older 🤗.

It is difficult. I could maybe consider something different when both children are older / in senior school, but I’ll probably want to be winding down by then, definitely not starting an entirely new career!

Nailed it!

If you've got young kids and you're in your 40's unless dh is an investment banker I don't think the senior school years are the start of you winding down are they? At 53/54 you might still have 12 to 15 years of working life left (hate to break it to you)....Why wait? Are you really saying your going to suck up 5-8 years of hating your job? That doesn't sound tenable.....

Nice.

Ever considered why teachers with amazing holidays and a pension still want to leave?

@hettie I would say by the time I’m in my mid fifties I want to be at least thinking of winding down yes. I certainly don’t think I’d be looking at new careers or retraining at that stage in my life.

You've got two very young children - you're in the thick of it so go easy on yourself. Going back to any job is hard. Are you just back after maternity leave?
Are there other schools you apply to for a shorter commute/better conditions?

I am only quite recently back after a lengthy mat leave so I know that will be affecting my judgement too. Just really finding it hard to get into the groove this year. School is only ten minutes away and isn’t terrible really … there probably are better schools but also worse ones!

Look into special schools, OP! I made the leap two years ago and would never look back. I hated teaching in mainstream by the end but love it again now.

This is the thing about teaching. The pay doesn't look amazing compared to a load of graduate jobs, especially 5-10 years in when some corporate jobs will really take off pay wise.

BUT. For loads of teachers, especially the ups ones in non core subjects, they would struggle to get another job paying anything close to £40+k with school holidays off & a DB pension. You have to really see the long game to retrain, and if you've a young family you often can't afford to have two or three years earning little/less while you transition.

OP all you can do is make life outside work as nice as you can. Could you afford to ask to go 4 days? Often the tax at that level (and any childcare & travel costs saved) means you aren't loads worse off & it could improve your quality of life.

Teaching is one of the most important, underrated, ungrateful professions there are out there. I completely get where you are coming from OP, and also the rationale to stay. Just try to carve some me time more often and look at the bigger picture, preferably whilst enjoying a very expensive glass of wine or a nice cake or whatever littlest thing makes you happy💐

I would add op , some of its age/juggling young kids etc. I used to enjoy my job but often dread it at the moment, its stressful, i have the same issue with deadlines being shorter when you're part time.

I'm not a teacher either.

I think when you hit 40s, you've been slogging away 20 plus years, know you've another 20+ to go, it feels relentless. The big hamster wheel. I don't think its just teaching, its the juggle of work/stress and family & money and feeling like it'll never end.

‘As for every child ‘deserving to be taught by someone who wants to be there’ - really? Professionalism isn’t enough, rapid joy is now a demand as well?’

no, it’s not -‘d there’s a huge gap between doesn’t want to teach and ‘rapid joy’

What is the FB group? Teacher here and curious.