Anybody here with a guy who has “boys”

[MyApa]

I’m seeing a really nice guy. We have both just turned 30 and sick of being single/dating life. We get on well and have shared interests.

I just have never dated a guy who is really into his male friendship group. He constantly references their chat group, he says things like “wait till the boys hear this” etc. Its such a turn off! I’m glad he’s got a wide friendship network but I really find it cringe worthy.

This morning he was having a team call, he was asked what he did at the weekend and I could overhear him say “the lads and I went to x”. It was perfectly professional but I just get the absolute ick. I don’t know why! He’s moderately posh so I don’t know if it’s something to do with it feeling put on? Try hard? Immature? I don’t know!

Am I the one being weird?

@CurlewKate for the office, understandable. Why do you have a problem with friends referring to their close group as 'the girls'?

I think that's so nice that he has a solid group of friends. I guess it depends what they get up though. Coke fueled piss ups and cheating? Not nice. But a supportive group of friends you can enjoy time with and get support from sounds like a good thing.

My closest friends are a gay male couple who i refer to as "the boys"
Suspect this isnt quite the same thing tho.

@WillToWin "@CurlewKate for the office, understandable. Why do you have a problem with friends referring to their close group as 'the girls'?"

Because I think it's important not to normalise language like this. We all know people who say "well, if black people use the n-word, then it must be OK"

sn's? Sorry what does this mean?

No normalising going on here, I think. It's already normal.

I don't have a group called "the girls", I say I'm going out with "name, name and name" or "friends from AA" for example.

I think conflating "the girls" with the N word is really OTT though.

@Isittimeformynapyet "I think conflating "the girls" with the N word is really OTT though."

Fair enough. I don't agree though. I think language is incredibly important. Obviously the n-word is on a completely different level to "girls". But the principle is the same. If we as women use "girls", then some people will try to take that as permission to use it too.

Agree @Isittimeformynapyet (and love your name).

@CurlewKate
My dc (all young adults) will say they are going out with "My ..... girls" (insert 'football' or 'work' or wherever she knows them from). My ds says he's 'going for a curry with the boys' and they are all very hot on inclusive language and not using language that offends.
Your post on the bottom of P6 isn't true either, as there are plenty of places that will refer to "the boys in the workshop" / "the lads on the shop floor" / just as someone might say girls, and yes, I have heard "the lad on Reception" described as such.
Other than by a few posters on MN, it really isn't an offensive thing to call your group 'girls'. Social or work.

@NewName24 "Your post on the bottom of P6 isn't true either, as there are plenty of places that will refer to "the boys in the workshop" / "the lads on the shop floor" / just as someone might say girls, and yes, I have heard "the lad on Reception" described as such"

Apologies-I didn't make myself clear. I agree that "the boys in the workshop" is used- but it does not carry the same connotation as "girls" as a collective for adult women. And I see you have changed "the boy on reception" to "the lad". Once again, a completely different connotation , particualarly regionally. I am pretty sure nobody would ever say "boy" in this context, unless referring to an actual child or intending to be offensive.

Is it just the phrasing that bothers you? Or is it how he is with them/how he behaves around them/talks to them?