Anybody here with a guy who has “boys”

[MyApa]

I’m seeing a really nice guy. We have both just turned 30 and sick of being single/dating life. We get on well and have shared interests.

I just have never dated a guy who is really into his male friendship group. He constantly references their chat group, he says things like “wait till the boys hear this” etc. Its such a turn off! I’m glad he’s got a wide friendship network but I really find it cringe worthy.

This morning he was having a team call, he was asked what he did at the weekend and I could overhear him say “the lads and I went to x”. It was perfectly professional but I just get the absolute ick. I don’t know why! He’s moderately posh so I don’t know if it’s something to do with it feeling put on? Try hard? Immature? I don’t know!

Am I the one being weird?

Sounds pretty normal in my world.

DH 57 refers to the lads or boys trip, as do all the woves (ranging from mid 40s to 60). We also say girls trips for our hols together.

This. I mean, I’m not crazy either about ‘the boys’ or ‘the girls’ as titles for groups of adults, but tastes differ.

If he’s quite posh, is it something a bit ‘rah’ that’s putting you off? My ex believed himself posh (he was not), he only ever referred to his colleagues by their surnames. Made me cringe.

What would you prefer him to call them? My DP has no friends, I wish he had some 'boys' to head out with to get out from under my feet. I am a mid 40s woman and still call my female friends 'the girls' too, though, so I'm part of the lexicon problem.

I still refer to my long term friends and I as the girls. Lol

When I was dating again after divorce I would always ask if they had close friends. For me I wasn't prepared to date someone who didn't have friends of their own.

I had done that before and felt it was too much pressure to be everyone to just one person. I'm busy, have a child with sn's, have wonderful friends. I wanted someone who had their own social life.

This would be a plus not an ick for me.

'I'm going out with the men' that would sound worse.

It's just a term. It's no different from saying "I'm going out with my friends, mates, the girls" that's all it is. What would you prefer him to say?

Having said that, if it gives you "the ick" then there isn't much you can do about that. Just be prepared that a lot of people will refer to their "group" using a term like this, so you could be binning off decent people from them simply using one term you don't like.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Yuk. Red flag.

Sounds like a sociable guy with some
good friends. Wouldn’t bother me to be honest. If anything it’s a positive. If it doesn’t work for you though, that’s fine, horses for courses.

I think someone who doesn't have any friends is more of a red flag to be honest.

Out with me mates, is what I say.

Mum friends, non-mum friends from 40-odd years ago (or recent, as in a couple of years), gay friends, old work mates, who cares.

Fuss like that is just labels. Let's forget them. We're all people at the end of the day.

I agree with the overwhelming majority of the posts so far.
YABU
(Am surprised 30% of people think YANBU to be honest, having read through the posts.)

Someone saying "but I just get the absolute ick" OTOH, does make me roll my eyes.

My Dad meets up once a year with “the boys” from a former job. They’re well into their 80s. How should he refer to them “the elderly men”? “The gents”? etc. I’m glad they’re still alive and able to socialise.

This is really cute. 💖

I also meet up for a pub lunch now and then with "the girls" from my first job.
Some have now sadly died, but there are 3 or us in our 60s, and the rest are in their 70s and well into their 80s.

I don't understand why a minority of MNers have an issue with it.

Is that the one alternative?

Say you're controlling without saying you're controlling.

This is great. We're early 40s but I hope to God we're all around for girls holidays on our 80s. We cook dinner, have a drink, watch a movie. Just be together. Just imagine the shared history and stories on his boys trip

I thinking you're put off already, it's not going to work. Throw him back and move on to someone who only socialises with his associates

I'm not sure anyone has replied back to suggest it is a red flag.

If you read the thread you will be sure.

@Jc2001 They have..

"I don't understand why a minority of MNers have an issue with it"

I can try and explain.

"I don't understand why a minority of MNers have an issue with it"

I can try and explain. The problem with using "girls" for a group of women is that it is often,particularly in the work place used to infantilise. It's not as common as it used to be, but it still happens. Male managers talk about "my girl" or "the girl on reception" or "the girls in accounts" It minimises and depersonalises. And while we're well on with women's equality in the workplace, we're not all the way yet. We need to be vigilant! There are no circumstances where anyone would say "The boy on reception" or "the boy in accounts." Men tend to be given the status of adults, regardless of work status. Women are often infantilised, regardless of status or age. Of course, someone will talk about "the boys on the shop floor". Generally, "boys" for men suggests youth and vigor and comradeship. "Girls" for women is dismissive and depersonalising.