To ask XH for some money now DD is living here 100%

[BusyWren]

The agreement when we split was that we both had both DC half the time and paid for their food / outings etc while with us. Other costs are on a spreadsheet and we settle up whoever owes the other at the end of each month. This covers clothes, shoes phones etc.
3 months ago DD (a teenager) decided she no longer felt able to live with her dad 50% and has since spent 1 night there plus joined him and her brother / his new GF and family on a weeks holiday.
Money is tight but not worryingly so yet but I'm paying for all her food, hot water, hair dryer electricity and trips out with friends - which adds up.
Should I ask if he's willing to contribute? Or point out child maintenance calculator?

Do it today if you can! The sooner the better. He sounds like an evil piece of shit.

I gave a deadline of Friday. I will stick to it as I am reasonable and do what I say I will.

He is angry and upset that his relationship with his daughter broke down, but he's a grown up who needs to accept his responsibilities!

His parenting is pretty awful - DC2 is likely going to end up at mine only as he gets a little older. :(

Remember CMS is also to contribute toward providing them with a physical room (so rent in your case), heat, light etc. feeding your DD probably costs you at least £35 per week, more if you have to provide school lunches.

You are being very reasonable OP.

I'm glad your children have you to balance out having a crappy Dad.

After a couple more horrid emails on the subject (apparently I'm attempting to profit from DD...) I completed the application this morning. I'm worried how he'll react but as he refuses to understand his legal requirements this is the only way.
Thanks everyone for the pushes in the right direction!

He will react don't worry about that but why are you afraid of him?

Is it worth blocking him so you aren't subject to his nastiness?

This is on him, he has failed to keep a good relationship with his DC he has failed to be reasonable about sharing the living costs. He attacks you verbally because he's a nasty person who is weak and takes no responsibility for his behaviour.

I think I'm scared of stupid stuff like he just did: he's just tried to blackmail me saying he'll only have other DC at a time previously agreed if I agree something for CM. I said no thank you.

Well done you! Like others have said, the money is for the children and they have a right to it. He's showing his true colours now but as long as you can hold your head high then let him rant. Not your issue.

Document everything.

Well done OP. It was the right thing to do.

I hope he isn't too much of an arse when he gets his letter.

To update you all - it did of course turn out that XH was earning more than I estimated and so CMS told him he should be paying even more than I had calculated.
He continued to be a dick about it and, as I'd always planned, agreed to take just half for the time being. That is just about enough to cover costs with a tiny bit I'm popping in savings for the kids later on.

Oh well he had his chance. Off to CMS you go. There’s nothing further for you & he to discuss around it.

Why did you agree to just half?!?!!!

That's your kids money it's the legally stipulated minimum! You shouldn't agree to them getting less that makes no sense

Why on earth are you taking half.

You are entitled to what cms say as the bare minimum why are you letting this waste of space walk over you.

OP - I'm asking genuinely, why do you put this grown man who is no longer your problem before yourself & your ability to provide for your kids?

Are you scared of him?

Take it and save up even more for your DC!!

Why are you so afraid of him.

WTH, why on earth are you accommodating this neglectful, disrespectful fuck?

It sounds like it would be better for the kids to be with you full time and he will have to pay up properly. I wouldn't give a shit if he chose to sit and stew in his own juice about how he was being done wrong, rather than reflect on how his own behaviour got him to where he is.

If you read the thread I have explained that I'm happy to accept less as he is still keeping a room available for DD to go back to. If roles were reversed i would have to move house to be able to afford to pay full maintenance so i imagine he is in a similar position.
I also have to balance keeping a coparenting relationship going, particularly as parenting DC2 is very challenging at the moment.
I have a feeling he may have run up debts paying out for a big holiday with his girlfriend and all the kids: not my problem but I can reassess in a few months if this is working.