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AIBU?

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Is this good advice regarding bullying ?

81 replies

Maria1979 · 30/09/2024 12:22

My niece (11) told me she had some mean girls making comments about her weight in school. She told a teacher, the girls were told off. The thing is they now call her cry baby (because she cried to the teacher and was seen) and make buhuuing sounds when she passes. She tried to get help but was told to ignore them. She doesn't want to tell her mum so has asked me for help. I told her she should try to ignore them and they will get tired of it. Just to look at them as they were idiots (they are) and walk past them head held high. Problem is she says she starts crying when they tease her for this very thing. She's a very sweet girl who is kind to everyone and she doesn't know how to deal with mean girls. Since school has told her it's no biggie (making comments on weight/race/handicap is taken seriously but being called a cry baby is tolerated apparantly) she has to find the strength to deal with it. Her friends are shy as well so no help. I wanted her to tell them that it's their ugly insides that make her cry for them but I guess that could get her in trouble. She is not overweight (not that it should justify teasing) just starting to get female shapes and I think that they chose to pick on her for her innocence and kindness. I want to tell my sister but she made me promise not to. But if I can't help her I feel I have to. Does anyone have any experience of this? How can I help her get thicker skin and what should she say if anything when they start teasing her?

OP posts:
cocoonedforwinter · 01/10/2024 11:58

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 01/10/2024 10:34

Wait until you find out I work in a school 🤣

Yeah, you really shouldn't be.

You should have had basic safeguarding and mental health training, and you don't display this in your posts . You should have better emotional regulation than you have displayed here and you shouldn't be displaying the attitude to children that you do with the language you use here. In my work, I have worked with teachers who work with extremely challenging children in challenging circumstances and they would never speak like you do or display the lack of understanding you do.

Assuming you are TA or a teacher all you have done is display the extremely poor training that our teachers, and even more so TAs, get in this country ( Many teachers have only a one year PGCE compared to seven years training in Finland). If politicians want to sort out our schools they should sort this out rather than endlessly messing around with the curriculum.

DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 01/10/2024 12:20

cocoonedforwinter · 01/10/2024 11:58

Yeah, you really shouldn't be.

You should have had basic safeguarding and mental health training, and you don't display this in your posts . You should have better emotional regulation than you have displayed here and you shouldn't be displaying the attitude to children that you do with the language you use here. In my work, I have worked with teachers who work with extremely challenging children in challenging circumstances and they would never speak like you do or display the lack of understanding you do.

Assuming you are TA or a teacher all you have done is display the extremely poor training that our teachers, and even more so TAs, get in this country ( Many teachers have only a one year PGCE compared to seven years training in Finland). If politicians want to sort out our schools they should sort this out rather than endlessly messing around with the curriculum.

And yet I do.

I have had all the training. Including trauma informed care.

Please understand I don't give a shit. Bullying is a massive issue and 90% of the time it's a parenting issue.
And when it's bad it's really bad and no amount of pastries care and touchy touchy makes that bully a better person.

If we want to crack down on bullying we need to crack down on bullies and the parents dragging them up.

In schools I'm professional. I follow the rules to the letter. Doesn't mean I believe it.
Outside is my time and my life and I give advice to those nearest to me to reflect that

cocoonedforwinter · 01/10/2024 12:48

I've worked with teachers, social workers and housing professionals and all of the best of them understand the impact on victims without this diminishing their understanding the trauma that has often led the bullies to behave like this. Even you are able to identify in your post that the source of bullying lies outside the child but you still call children 'brats'.

Your post has just strengthened my view that its shameful that you are still proud of your behaviour.

BingBong1r · 01/10/2024 13:09

My own DS sorted a bully out by beating him up and giving him a black eye.

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/10/2024 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Dontlletmedownbruce · 01/10/2024 13:26

The thing with bullying is the only way to truly stop it is for the victim to change their reaction. It's all very well saying it's victim shaming but at the end of the day the victim is the one who needs to change the status quo. Any of us cannot change the behaviour of others. Of course its wrong to bully but complaining about it and expensing energy hating the bully achieves nothing. DN needs to be empowered somehow.

Using the techniques in the video could work, DN could reply yes I know I cry a lot! You seem angry Bully, is everything ok?

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