Is this good advice regarding bullying ?

[Maria1979]

My niece (11) told me she had some mean girls making comments about her weight in school. She told a teacher, the girls were told off. The thing is they now call her cry baby (because she cried to the teacher and was seen) and make buhuuing sounds when she passes. She tried to get help but was told to ignore them. She doesn't want to tell her mum so has asked me for help. I told her she should try to ignore them and they will get tired of it. Just to look at them as they were idiots (they are) and walk past them head held high. Problem is she says she starts crying when they tease her for this very thing. She's a very sweet girl who is kind to everyone and she doesn't know how to deal with mean girls. Since school has told her it's no biggie (making comments on weight/race/handicap is taken seriously but being called a cry baby is tolerated apparantly) she has to find the strength to deal with it. Her friends are shy as well so no help. I wanted her to tell them that it's their ugly insides that make her cry for them but I guess that could get her in trouble. She is not overweight (not that it should justify teasing) just starting to get female shapes and I think that they chose to pick on her for her innocence and kindness. I want to tell my sister but she made me promise not to. But if I can't help her I feel I have to. Does anyone have any experience of this? How can I help her get thicker skin and what should she say if anything when they start teasing her?

Frankly, I totally agree with @AffIt , but alas, she wouldn't get away with it.

There's no way to make an arsehole's insult hurt less. But it is important she stops showing them how much they hurt her. Perhaps look into techniques for regulating emotions, how to separate someone else's views from how she views herself etc? But I would also urge her to tell her mother, so that she make a formal complaint about bullying to the school. Because what these other girls are doing IS bullying, and the school must address it.

I would say unless you have something on them that will really hit them where it hurts (like @DavidBeckhamsrightfoot ) then any comeback will probably get taken the piss out of, I know the type. They'll just repeat what your niece says in a silly voice and laugh.

I would stick with the eyeroll, and at most a "grow up".

But do encourage her to speak to her mum, you won't be able to come down onto school like a ton of bricks, but she can.

Laugh at them, sarcastically, and say something like "you are SO hilarious". I saw a woman on TikTok do this and i thought it was a good response. vm.tiktok.com/ZGd1uh6U1/

I'm sorry but that's horrendous!

It needs addressing with the school, because the fact that they're calling her a cry baby rather than fat is irrelevant. What matters is that she's being subject to a campaign of bullying. If she stops crying then they'll find something else, so there's no use the school taking each separate insult and either addressing it or telling her to ignore it when it's all part and parcel of the same incident of bullying. Her parents need to go back to the school and tell them the bullying has not stopped.

No bullying is horrendous.
Having to Bury a young person due to suicide as a direct result of bullying is horrendous.

A school being powerless to act is horrendous, and parents of bullies who do nothing is horrendous.

Finding a way to end someone's ongoing torture was euphoric.

Have to agree. Trying to be clever always backfired in our school. It would only work if it was something that hit a nerve that they definitely wouldn’t want repeating. Agree the mum needs to know also.

Absolutely hate the ‘just ignore them’ stance, it doesn’t work, they don’t stop.

Another vote here for punch in the face. My son has been horribly bullied over the years, the only thing that’s ever stopped it has been violence. As horrible as that is and it shouldn’t have to happen but the kid (bully) he punched has never so much as looked in his direction again!
He finally stood up to another bully recently and offered to fight him, the bully did nothing and stayed in his seat. Hasn’t bothered him since.

Absolutely despise bullies and their arsehole parents.

This is absolutely bullying. You need to tell her mum. Her mum needs to tell the school. They need to deal with it.
Your neice needs to try her best to avoid them and if she can't, she needs to practise not showing her emotions. I know that sounds awful but these girls can see the hurt and they're thriving off it.
If she says something back they'll gang up on her relentlessly.
If she punches one of them it'll never stop.

My DD had similar at school until one of them cut her hair. That girl never knew what hit her but she (nor anyone else) ever tried to bully DD again. I’ll never forget getting a phone call from the head asking me to go in as DD had, in his words, “ragdolled” X along a corridor. I got there to my DD sitting holding half her ponytail in her hand and I couldn’t blame her. Your DN needs to mouth back at them or get them one by one, it’s the only was little shits like this learn.

Edited to add the bullies mother to this day scuttles away if she sees me but that’s perhaps more to do with the fact I went to her door after I left the school that day, gave her the half pony tail and asked her how she intended to rectify my daughters waist length hair being chopped off.

she could start to fake cry in a mocking tone every time she sees one of them. Or point at them and make a cry baby gesture. It makes no sense so they will decide she is a crazy psycho and leave her alone.

The one thing she needs to work on is her own emotional stuff. If she cries when they tease her for crying she is playing into their hands. At 11 a child should have enough emotional regulation to not do this.

@Luxer thats awful your poor DD. Glad she found her strength.

i taught my DD to take the piss. If they start boo-hooing at them i would have said to DD to say "Ah, is the baby crying, what's the matter baby, need me to get a teacher?".

She had one who kept meowing at her for some bizarre reason, i gave her a bag of cat treats and told her to throw one at her with "Aw, does kitty want a treat? here kitty, good kitty"

Sarcasm/piss taking often makes juvenile bullies wind their necks in. being nice/gentle is all well and good, but school is shark pool and you have to grow some teeth or you'll get eaten.

No-one bothers DD now.

I was that timid kid getting bullied, I snapped one day and kicked 7 shades out of the main ringleader of the bully group in the school corridor. Teacher heard the kerfuffle and came running out and assumed it was the bully beating me up and their parents were called in 🤣. That sorted them out, different times in the 80's though.

Obviously I would never suggest to any kid nowadays that an almighty kick in the shins works wonders........

My gran told me to pick them straight in the nose. Guess what happened? I ended up going to the headmaster's office. DH tells our kids to stand up for themselves and fight fire with fire but don't get caught.
I tell them school is a bit like prison it's dog eat dog. You'd be eaten alive if you let them. DH was expelled a few times due to retaliation but he stands by his fight back advice. I'm more a pacifist and confident body language but would probably end up crying

Edit Ffs punch not pick, damn phone.

Same. I always say to my daughter 'never start it, always finish it'. She struggled at first, but through some roleplay has learnt the skill of smart responses. And yes once she punched another girl in the face, and credit to the school, she wasn't in trouble, but they recognised that it was so out of character for my polite well mannered gentle daughter, that there must be something big going on, and it got sorted.

You say her friends are all very gentle, but someone can be gentle and be strong. My daughters friends now are all quiet studious types, but if anyone messes with any of them, the group closes ranks and stands strong and stands up for each other, they are fiercely protective, there is strength in numbers, try to make sure your niece always has her friends with her and they are prepped to support her

"You kids will grow boobs eventually, maybe. I'm sure there will be a boy who likes you anyway!"

Some really refreshing responses on this thread! I don’t totally disagree with threats or a bit of a smack in the mouth… wish I’d have done that to my high school bully!

That works. I did it to the ringleader of the year above me after she was taking the piss that I sounded like a "posho"

Ironically we ended up best friends and still friends 42 years later

Bullying has a huge impact into adulthood and beyond

Personally, i would wait for the kids and have them by the neck but thats unacceptable this day and age 😂

Or you'll always be ugly would be better.

She has a favourite teacher who helped her out initially but I think they think she's being too sensitive tbh. Which she is. Still doesn't make it right.

I wanted to go over and punch'em myself tbh. Niece is too sweet to ever use violence.

This is something my niece couldn't do. She's so nice she would cry even more than the person she hurt. And as a mother I couldn't condone this kind of a behaviour towards another little girl no matter how shitty her behaviour.

What good will that do?

OP, she can take the fight back approach - verbally or otherwise, or the realize they are tedious cretins and stop caring.

Both are fairly effective and pay long term dividends too.

I'd present the options to her bluntly. She's a nice girl, these girls, for whatever reason, are not. They see she is kind and gentle and they make themselves feel important and bond by picking on her.

If she wants to nip it in the bud she can take the snappy comeback, or discrete punch approach. The former requires a bit of wit, which some of us aren't great at under pressure. The latter most can do but she may not want to - it won't matter if she loses as long as she doesn't back down, but she may well not want to take that option which also has the possibility of getting in trouble.

Or she can realize they are nasty little twits and stop caring what they think.

The school won't do anything and frankly probably can't if the girls are careful not to be seen and are willing to lie.