To think that workplaces should be less accommodating of personal lives?

[HangryDenimBird]

I’ve noticed workplaces bending over backwards to accommodate personal lives. AIBU to think that employees should keep their personal issues separate from work?

I'm an employer and it 100% comes down to the person, blanket policies don't work for everyone.

We paid for a villa with private pool and all food and drink for our employees in the Med for a week (2 days of it they went to a conference, which we also paid for). We also said their partners could come if they paid for flights and understood that 2 days their partner would be at conference.

One person said, "You didn't buy me a big enough baggage allowance."
One person said, "You also need to pay for my travel time to get here" (they were not working any of the travel time and they were salaried).
One person unexpectedly did some extra work because they wanted to reciprocate.
One person took all the shared alcohol and hid it in their room.

Some people will feel guilty for asking to finish 5 mins early for a dentist appointment, other people want 6 months off because their FIL's dog died.

Sounds like your workplace needs to review selection processes. I’ve never encountered anything like any of those. You’re employing a lot of the wrong people.

It is only going to get worse!

Edited: I was trying to quote the person who said she worked in HR and the list of demands from employees has become ridiculous.

This came up on my instagram this morning. I think it’s relevant, though not strictly about work/life interface.
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAdw-vzp7yN/?igsh=MmNrbDR5bWN1bm9t

I agree. A lot of them have been there for 30+ years.

my “sort out list” is huge!

Sounds like a real lack of motivation here and a lot of mismanagement. My workplace is extremely flexible and we don't hear any of this.

YABU
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball you didn't see coming and it's at that time you need a supportive employer. I'm assuming that from the tone of your post that this is yet to happen to you.
During the last 4 years I've had to deal with 3 bereavements, one of which was my partner and a serious illness. That's quite a lot to deal with in a relatively short time so I was very grateful of having a supportive employer during that time.

It's really not the employer's problem that female employees bear the brunt of home responsibilities, and to say it should be will disadvantage women if they have carte blanche to be less effective employees. Who would hire them if that was the expectation? I think employers have done what they can by giving parental leave to men as well as women and reducing the shock/horror when men leave on time in order to collect their children from day care. Also I see men regularly taking parental leave to care for sick children, at short notice. So the key is to give men equal leniency and expect them to use it, but not to allow women greater leniency than men. But beyond that reasonable point, women would just be shooting themselves in the foot.

I take it the OP’s stomped off in a huff to go and be horrid to all the people she manages.

Employers are free to be less an accommodating, employees are free to go somewhere more accommodating.

Personally my work accommodate my daytime hair appointments and I work into late evenings when I need to. It’s give and take and being treated like an adult.

You may want that flexibility yourself some day OP, whether for health reasons or because of caring responsibilities.

You are more than welcome to maintain your boundaries as you see fit.

However to be an inclusive and progressive society we need to cop the hell on that people come with all of their elements.

I have managed many people who have gone through hell, those who wished to not share further and those who choose to be completely open. Either are fine and both are whatever keeps that person functioning at times through the worst imaginable pain.

To those who were dismissive of someone who referred to friends issues. I have managed a younger staff member through that. They lost their complete support network and it devastated them. That's not a small issue and it can impact on MH and productivity. In my experience having a broad outlook gives me significant better team results.

I had to work yesterday, so I've taken half an hour twice today to sort things (I work from home). It's flexibility that keeps me very happy and I don't want turnover of my team. I say if you want to do yoga at 10am every Monday we'll schedule meetings around it. Then that person will stick much longer, they will also go out of their way when there is a deadline or event.

I haven’t read the whole thread… however in my own experience my employers have been very flexible. I have a teenager with Sn’s ..

I definitely stay because of how supportive they are. I currently start later due to exhaustion . They have definitely accommodated me which has meant I haven’t gone off sick .. I stay when it would be easier to leave at times .

I also put in there it is appreciated and I try and be more flexible when I can

A lot of workplaces need employees to put in a lot of discretionary effort, because resources have been cut (and workloads haven't). So people are expected to do unpaid overtime, work at odd hours, pick things up that aren't part of their job etc

Businesses that expect that from people without giving them a degree of flexibility back often don't hold on to staff for long (or can't recruit them in the first place)

It depends on the nature of the issue. Also if an employee has been with the firm a while and valued.

Most people don't take the proverbial, you can soon suss those who do and be less lenient. However, emergencies happen, as do illnesses, and caring employers cater for those.

My ex used to use flexi time for special xp offer gaming days. His colleague, a subcontractor used to join him. He took the piss as often as possible then was angry to be put on a disciplinary.

I once asked to go 5 minutes early if all my clients had been seen and all my admin done. I was told no. No flexibility when my husband left and left me with two young children.

WFH since covid seems to mean doing as little as possible for many people.

There seems to be a lack of pride in the world. The way people dress at work and in public, their attitude, behaviour in public/society as a whole has gone downhill.

Forty years ago while trying to get everything completed while working his notice, my dad had a heart attack. His boss, told Personnel that he had persuaded my dad to stay and to return all the paperwork.
A month later, my dad returned to work with nothing said and stayed for several more years.
I hope Mr Webb is enjoying a well-appointed cloud in Paradise, the final solution worked out very profitably for the company and many workers remained for decades under Harry's benign management.
Such behaviour would never be allowed these days but plenty of people leave jobs because they don't like the way that others are being treated.

Pisstakers need jobs too.

Most of the adult population is employed, and we need most to be employed.

If no one employed people that are twits, or entitled, or pisstakers, we will have to support those people through taxes.

Forgot to say that there should be balance in the workplace. Employers and employees should value and respect each other.

When I was facing tough situations at work vs home and family life i comforted myself with the thought that I can easily get another job. Another family -- slightly harder.
(A particular issue with some managers whose mantra was 'work always comes first.' Must be why your wife left with your DC and you have no life, mate...)

What's to be proud of?

Slaving all your life away putting money in the rich man's pocket? Working your butt off to find the social contract broken - no matter how hard you work the poor will never be lifted out of poverty ?

This.

I think the majority of people will encounter something in life that is impossible to keep separate from work. If employers do not recognise this they will struggle to keep decent employees.

Fair point. But we shouldn’t let them take the piss, or take it out on non-piss takers because they do.