To be terrified to live alone

[scaredofmyownshadows]

I'm not really sure how to word this without sounding dramatic.

I have always lived with my parents up until the age of 28 when I got married and then obviously have lived with my husband and now our children, we live in a house with over a half acre of gardens with hedges all around in a pretty busy area of our city, I have two children under the age of 3 one of which has a help issue and has to be monitored 24/7.

The thing is DH has to go away for a couple of nights and I'm really scared to be on my own. I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't help it. I don't have anxiety or such about other things but I just hate the idea that someone might be creeping about the garden looking in the windows. I don't have any family or friends nearby as we have only been here a short while, closest family is 2 hours away.

Im really frightened that something might happened to one of the DC and nobody there to help. Please reassure me everything will be fine. I'm just so anxious about it and my husband knows this, he had to go and there's no way out of it.

*health issue

It will be fine, you will be fine and so will the children. I was widowed 2 years ago and am now a solo carer to a child with complex disabilities, we live rurally and there is no family nearby. It's fine, it really is

Get a ring doorbell back and front. It will warn you of any intruders

On a practical level do you have an alarm/ring doorbell etc?

Sounds scary but you can put some logical steps into place:

• Close your blinds and curtains whilst it is still light outside.
• Make sure your phone is always charged.
• Go to bed early.
• Have a sleepover where your kids sleep in your bed with you then you will sleep soundly.

One of the things that made me feel most secure was having a dog about. Although sometimes they can fuel the anxiety when they bark at fuck all.

I get how you feel as I literally do live alone and will be moving shortly where I'll know no one. At the moment I have a friend I see most days and if I don't answer her text she comes round. I won't have that when I move.

My advice would be to make the house as secure as you can. Keep the doors locked. Teach your child to call granny on the phone in case mummy doesn't seem herself. If she appropriate talk about ringing 999.

You'll cope because you have to as you can't let your children sense your fear.

Also leave a light on in the hallway.

It’s not ridiculous at all. It will just take getting used to. Our nearest neighbour is a mile away, I can see the lights on in their house over the loch and we often get camper vans “camping” at the end of my drive. You and the children will be absolutely fine.

We have CCTV which is motion detected, it’s normally a fox or a badger though. I feel safer having it as DH works away 3/4 nights a week.

Yes we have the ring doorbell. I read once that if someone is really intent on getting inside nothing will stop them. Also seen an interview once with someone who murdered a family because they were caught breaking in to raid the house, they said the only reason you will enter a home without invitation is to rape, murder or rob. Really scary

Gently, OP, this is completely mad. If you’ve never had intruders creeping around your garden previously, why would they suddenly appear because your husband happens to be away? And presumably your child’s health condition would need to same actions taken regardless of whether your husband was home or not — if you need to take him/her to hospital, you will have to take your other child too, if there’s no one else to look after him/her?

I moved to a house for the first time (after living in flats) about 6 years ago. I've always been fairly anxious about everything, so was surprised I didn't feel anxious about break-ins at ground floor level with me asleep on the first floor. It just felt safe and I've never worried.

I guess it stems from you never living alone between leaving home and marriage.
I lived alone for several years when I bought my first house and now, whenever my OH goes away I am immediately transported back to those days of being entirely reliant on myself (if only for a few days and safe in the knowledge they are at the end of a phone).
For me it is something I am quite used to and comfortable with but if you have never experienced it then I guess it can seem a bit daunting.

We have a chihuahua who could witness us all being murdered and still wouldn't bark.

If you genuinely are scared and can't bear to be on your own, could you all just go with DH and make it a bit of a holiday

You will be fine.

I've never had a husband, lived alone as a single parent since I was 18. I never worry about this.

You could pay someone like a babysitter to stay in the house with you.
Or Maybe a security guard?
I am sure there are security guards you can hire
Are you worried about people hiding In the hedges or what? What is the issue with the hedges?

I had this op - post partum anxiety in my case but I brought the kids in with me and locked the bedroom door so I felt secure. phone nearby. Made sure downstairs all locked up nicely and it was fine (obviously!!).

for your child, if something happens you will just have to take other child with you

i see they are little so same as mine were.

Or a night nurse or nanny for the child with health issues.

We did discuss this but didn't really work out, he has to take the train to the bottom of England and then drive all the way back up to Inverness, it's just going to be really exhausting and taking a toddler and a baby is my idea of a nightmare

Just search for residential security guard and your city and speak to them .
They can guard your house all night

Thanks for all the replies, I feel a bit less anxious now. I know it's silly.

Statically a burglar is more likely to strike in the day anyway when people are out at work.

Living alone is great. I stretch out across the whole sofa, watch whatever crap I want and eat ALL the minstrels. Then complain I'm getting fat

And yes, I agree with the pp, most burglars will choose a time when no one is home, they don't want the hassle.

Good idea actually. Yes! I absolutely hate the hedges. We once had 2 homeless people put up a tent at the bottom of the garden between the shed and the hedge and apparently they were there for days.