To be terrified to live alone

[scaredofmyownshadows]

I'm not really sure how to word this without sounding dramatic.

I have always lived with my parents up until the age of 28 when I got married and then obviously have lived with my husband and now our children, we live in a house with over a half acre of gardens with hedges all around in a pretty busy area of our city, I have two children under the age of 3 one of which has a help issue and has to be monitored 24/7.

The thing is DH has to go away for a couple of nights and I'm really scared to be on my own. I know it sounds ridiculous but I can't help it. I don't have anxiety or such about other things but I just hate the idea that someone might be creeping about the garden looking in the windows. I don't have any family or friends nearby as we have only been here a short while, closest family is 2 hours away.

Im really frightened that something might happened to one of the DC and nobody there to help. Please reassure me everything will be fine. I'm just so anxious about it and my husband knows this, he had to go and there's no way out of it.

That's just silly. Far better for OP to try and conquer the irrational fear. You can't live your life running away from tricky situations.

I didn't know this was a thing, thank you!

These steps sound good.
I'm sorry it's frightening for you to be alone. I had to stay in an unfamiliar house alone on a work trip and felt similar despite having plenty of experience of being alone from age 18 onwards.

Op have you got an alarm system? My dh travels a lot for work so I set the alarm and go upstairs. I also have a panic button next to my bed (hidden) linked straight to the police (it's monitored and like the alarm I pay maintenance but worth it for peace of mind!) I take no chances when it comes to home security.

Yes we have a decent alarm system, I'm just scared that something bad could happen or some sneaky bastard manages to get in past it.

If it's a decent monitored alarm system you'll be fine. Just put it on and get an early night! X

It is understandable you are anxious it is something out of your comfort zone but you will be fine, the suggestions planAplanB makes are sound.

After a horrible experience at my old flat years ago I was terrified at night. I found keeping the TV on soothed me. Made me feel less alone. Not ideal for utility bills but okay if just for a couple of nights. Or a little radio with some non creepy classical music. You'll be okay OP but it's horrible feeling frightened in your own home x

Millions of people live on their own - being on their own does not mean their homes are broken into every night, or they have a higher risk of being murdered.
The scary story you mention above - the intruder murdered a family, so someone being on their own not really a critical factor.
Have you considered getting treatment for irrational anxiety?

That is a really bad idea. It will just feed your fear.

You're a mother. You need to learn to manage this entirely irrational anxiety.

It's entirely unreasonable to hire a security guard for a normal family home, because one of the adults is away.
You have no idea when you might be put in this position again. Maybe your husband will need a sudden hospital stay. Anything could crop up, and you need to cope alone. So you need to conquer this, not give into it.

So sorry, you need to think this through rationally, remind yourself that incidents of burglary have fallen steeply, and those that happen, do so when people are at work, and put your big girl pants on.

I'm widowed and live alone, without a Ring doorbell or an alarm. You're going to be alone for two nights, with both those protections. You need to get on with it.

Stranger murder / rape where the perpetrator breaks into the victim’s home is vanishingly rare. Women are far more likely to be killed by their husband than anyone else so by some logic you’re safer home alone.

That's literally not true, unless it's someone who has a massive grudge against you to the point they want to harm you. Burglars and randoms etc go for literally the easiest possible option, such as open doors and windows. Anything that makes a noise or leaves them in the same spot for more than 10 mins is far too risky.

The thing is DH has to go away for a couple of nights

A couple of nights is not living alone - and living alone is not scary for most of the millions of people who do. It's a bit sad you're so lacking in life experience you are working yourself up into a lather about intruders, when you have an alarm system, over a couple of nights without your husband around.

Can you get a friend to come and stay?

Re the homeless people camping, they were there, you didn't know, and they did you no harm. I would find that comforting. There are occasional people camping where I live - they choose a bit of grass that's surrounded by trees, stay a couple of nights and move on. They don't bother anyone, you just see their little tents if you walk past that way.

Sorry OP but this really made me laugh 😂😂😂

Can you get a friend to come and stay?

Again though, that's feeding the fear. Making it seem reasonable. It's not, because:
There were 8.4 million people living alone in the UK in 2023, the ONS said, equating to 30% of all households

All these people, all these households do this every day. Humouring OP by telling her to get a security guard, or a friend to stay, is giving credence to an irrational fear.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/families/bulletins/familiesandhouseholds/2022

Said with love but get a grip - the things I read on here are like from a scared invaded planet it is mad for gods sake

You'll be fine
I've never lived with anyone else except as a child and then in halls at uni
So 18 years living alone and I'm not exactly brave!

sad how many women are scared of being home alone, i’ve lived alone with my kids for 10 years nothing has ever happened though i was told it doesn’t count as living alone if you have kids

I lived on my own for a few years before I met my husband, I went to sleep with the TV on every night and made sure all the doors were locked about 10 times lol. Shut the curtains before it gets dark. You'll be fine

Why not try a night alone with the kids beforehand to get used to it? The bit that’s giving you anxiety is the fear of the unknown but you will be fine.

Things that will help are drawing all your curtains before it gets dark and checking the doors are locked at the same time so you don’t have to keep checking, lights on, get busy with activities with the children so hot choc and a film or a game etc and an early night, why not have a sleepover with the kids in their room etc.

If all else really fails , I suffer with insomnia, stay up really late watching lovely calming films that you love and either sleep on the sofa or just don’t go to sleep until the morning.

You will be fine.
I have spent many nights on my own with 2. Dc.
Is there a premier inn/travelodge nearby you could stay in if it would make you feel better?

Close the curtains at 5.30pm.
Lock the doors
Put on the alarm and outside lights
Take your mobile and charger to bed with you and also the landline phone if you have one
Close the internal doors

Regarding your child with additional needs:
Check meds are up to date
Have an overnight bag packed just in case
Keep car topped up with fuel
Check tyre pressures

It will be fine and a good learning curve.

I’m not scared of being alone in my London terrace where my neighbours who know me are very close 😆. I wouldn’t like to be alone in a more rural setting with no close neighbours.

Nothing to add to the good advice above OP. Just to say I've been alone so much and I still get nervous sometimes when my husband is away in case someone comes and steals the children from the garden. It's human nature to get nervous!

The only thing I'd add my vote to is, in time, get a lovely family dog. You will never be alone again. 😊 our greyhound wouldn't protect me against anything but it's just nice to have him in the house with me