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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it me?

40 replies

pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 15:31

I'm not sure if I am going crazy here ...
aibu - you over reacted / get a grip
I'm outrunning and my music suddenly stoped- so I slowed to check my watch.
Man on bicycle says "don't stop those legs are getting big."

I shouted at him to come back and say that to my face .... he cycled off at speed - I tried and failed to catch him (we was on a bicycle ...) shouting "why do you think its ok to comment on a woman's body etc etc" I wish I had been able to shrug it off but I didn't /wasn't. So now I'm mad at him and myself.

Cut run short walk home and tell my husband abs he laughed at me and said I over reacted - I KNOW I over reacted but still come on .. I just wanted a chill run in the park !

OP posts:
Comedycook · 29/09/2024 15:32

You didn't over react

batsandeggs · 29/09/2024 15:32

You didn’t overreact, the cyclist was an arsehole and so is your husband for laughing at you.

Catza · 29/09/2024 15:37

He was out of line but come on now, what have you achieved? Is he going to stop doing it o others? No. In fact he may ramp it up to get the same sort of reaction. When they go low, you go high. There is no point spoiling your day.
There is time and place to challenge men like that. This wasn’t it.

MakingPlans2025 · 29/09/2024 16:17

The man is an arse and your husband is an arse. Mine does this too, finding it funny when I am upset. I am getting ducks in row.

Pandasnacks · 29/09/2024 16:19

If he was cycling away at speed he probably couldn't even hear you. Was your DH laughing at what the guy said to you, or at you loosing your temper and angry running after the guy shouting?

Skyrainlight · 29/09/2024 16:37

I think the cyclist will think twice about doing it again. You could have got yourself into trouble though.

Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 16:45

Pandasnacks · 29/09/2024 16:19

If he was cycling away at speed he probably couldn't even hear you. Was your DH laughing at what the guy said to you, or at you loosing your temper and angry running after the guy shouting?

The cyclist heard what I said initially - he was def trying to get away from me ... I just wish I could have thrown a cutting comment and breezily continued my run ... instead got all riled up and weepy ... damn it ... DH has apologised he was laughing at my reaction not the comment ...

OP posts:
LadyKenya · 29/09/2024 16:50

And if he had come back, and said it to your face, then what would you have done next that would have had any positive outcome?

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 16:52

You didn't over react but your reaction was pointless as men like that don't give a shit

mushypaperstraws · 29/09/2024 16:53

I think I would've shouted 'fuck off' or another insult! But to be honest if my partner told me they chased after a cyclist who called them fat I would laugh too! It's a bit of a comedy scene!

But yeah, the guy was a wanker

Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 16:56

LadyKenya · 29/09/2024 16:50

And if he had come back, and said it to your face, then what would you have done next that would have had any positive outcome?

I know ... I'm lucky in a way he was faster there was no good outcome here

OP posts:
Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 16:58

mushypaperstraws · 29/09/2024 16:53

I think I would've shouted 'fuck off' or another insult! But to be honest if my partner told me they chased after a cyclist who called them fat I would laugh too! It's a bit of a comedy scene!

But yeah, the guy was a wanker

You are right ... I'll own my poor reaction to cyclists very in ok comment ... need to plan how I'll handle this

OP posts:
Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 17:01

mushypaperstraws · 29/09/2024 16:53

I think I would've shouted 'fuck off' or another insult! But to be honest if my partner told me they chased after a cyclist who called them fat I would laugh too! It's a bit of a comedy scene!

But yeah, the guy was a wanker

Posted earlier answer too soon ... meant to finish with plan a better more appropriate response for if / when it happens again ...

OP posts:
Allfur · 29/09/2024 17:02

Nice of your dh to minimise something that would never happen to him, given he's a man

StormingNorman · 29/09/2024 17:03

What the cyclist said was outrageous but don’t let what strangers say get to you.

SerafinasGoose · 29/09/2024 17:06

Arsehole. And a coward to boot. Women are allowed out of doors unchaperoned, but judging by the heckling so many get when out running, no one would think it. What the hell is wrong with men?

I want to applaud you, OP, but in future please do take care, and risk assess the situation. Were this another type of man it's not too much of an exaggeration to say you could end up in a ditch.

Incidentally, what the fucking hell is your husband about?

Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 17:09

Allfur · 29/09/2024 17:02

Nice of your dh to minimise something that would never happen to him, given he's a man

I know! That was such a huge part of it ...there were a fair few men running on the same stretch and no way was he saying anything to them

OP posts:
Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 17:15

SerafinasGoose · 29/09/2024 17:06

Arsehole. And a coward to boot. Women are allowed out of doors unchaperoned, but judging by the heckling so many get when out running, no one would think it. What the hell is wrong with men?

I want to applaud you, OP, but in future please do take care, and risk assess the situation. Were this another type of man it's not too much of an exaggeration to say you could end up in a ditch.

Incidentally, what the fucking hell is your husband about?

Agree ... I'll try to say 'not cool' or similar next time and not confront... I saw red and thoughts about my safety went out the window - I regret losing my cool it was not a measured response ...DH had apologised not sure he fully gets it I'll talk to him later ...

OP posts:
Button28384738 · 29/09/2024 17:15

You didn't overreact, well done you for calling him out on it!

ProfessorGambol · 29/09/2024 17:15

YANBU. Cyclist was rude and deserved to be yelled at. Husband should have been supportive and empathetic, not laughing it off. Sorry that happened to you. I hope your next run is not spoiled in the same way.

Original poster
pushing50fromtheothrside · 29/09/2024 17:17

ProfessorGambol · 29/09/2024 17:15

YANBU. Cyclist was rude and deserved to be yelled at. Husband should have been supportive and empathetic, not laughing it off. Sorry that happened to you. I hope your next run is not spoiled in the same way.

Thank you

OP posts:
Lifestooshort71 · 29/09/2024 17:19

You reacted in your way, I wouldn't have done but then I'm not you - I'd have probably had a little giggle to myself and thought....well, you should see the size of your bum in that lycra! But then I'm in my 70s with only one boob and I've learnt to shrug personal comments off, then come home to have another giggle with partner about it and have a cuddle.

Portalsalways · 29/09/2024 17:23

I am confused by the man’s comment to be honest.

Yes your reaction wasn’t great because you have caused yourself more upset and frustration.

But it’s done now. However, you do need to think about what you would have done if he had come back and said it again. Safety is important.

GivingitToGod · 29/09/2024 17:27

Thfrog · 29/09/2024 16:52

You didn't over react but your reaction was pointless as men like that don't give a shit

This

EatSleepSleepRepeat · 29/09/2024 17:34

PoS.

Next time, photo and put up pictures of him on his route saying "have you sent this man? Makes rude comments about women's bodies. Reported to the police. Please report similar behaviour to X police force using reference number Y."

Whether you report him or not is up to you. But it may be the start of an escalation. And it might shame him to people he knows.