Who's unreasonable ? Wife clearing up or man doing garden work

[whatdoyuthink]

It's the weekend.. as usual really, man ( husband ) has found work to do outside the house in the garden. He's currently building a shed of some sort.

Wife as usual, inside, looking after kids. Cleaning up- cooking, doing laundry. Trying to keep kids from getting the way of said shed building.

Kids are 2 and 4.

We've baked, done crafts, set up our train, watched TV. I've cooked for everyone. Cleaned up after breakfast. Pretty much constantly been tidying since I got up today. The usual really. I am also trying to categorise toys as I go along today, which is something I hate doing.

Anyway, husband comes in from doing man work. I had food just out cold on the side for when he was ready but I warmed it up and served it, as it sort of seemed like he wanted that to be done..

He finishes his meal, leaves everything on the table and walks off to carry on with the work.

When I then said, can you at least clear it and put it next to the sink, I was told I'm a joke for asking.

He makes a massive mess when he eats. He gets all sorts of condiments, bread, butter, drinks out on the table and just leaves it out and I just wasn't up for clearing it.

Am I unreasonable or is he ? He's saying he's doing hard man work outside so I am a joke for asking him to clear his mess.

Lock the prick out and chuck a pillow out the window. Tell him it’s a good job he’s building somewhere to sleep tonight.

He can't clear away after his meal? You're married to a child. Perhaps he should see all our responses.

Take the kids out to him and take yourself off for a walk or drive. Treat yourself to a coffee and a sweet treat. Let him look after the kids for the rest of the day. When the kids are in bed I would definitely be saying my piece.

Be tempted to have a joke on him and lock him with his shed for the night.

Have a week of playing pratical jokes on him.

Yeah it's funny how when men tell others what they've built etc they get a pat on the back but they fail to mention all the jobs the woman's been doing at the same time!

I was told I'm a joke for asking.

This is vile and I would seriously be considering whether I want to stay in a relationship with a man like this.

It’s one thing to not clear up everything because he’s busy doing something that can’t wait (eg mowing the lawn if it’s going to start raining), but there’s no reason to not push your dishes in the sink and condiments away.
It would literally take about 30seconds.

He sees you as nothing more than a maid.

Are you a SAHP?

You’re married to a misogynistic pig.

He shouldn't have called you a joke and it's not UR of you to want him to put his dishes in the sink. When I'm working outside I'll grab a quick bite to eat and leave doing the washing up until I'm finished in the garden, otherwise I get distracted and accomplish less. I get the impression he wouldn't have gone back to tidy up once he was done working outside?

He sounds awful.

What on earth do you mean by categorising toys?

Dh somehow managed to insulate the roof over the course of two weekends, moving everything around, carrying rolls of glass fibre upstairs, stripping off his fibre-contaminated boiler suit outside before coming in to lunch, and still managed to thank me for the meal and load his dishes into the dishwasher before returning to the job. Each time he had finished for the day he vacuumed the house before going to make supper for everyone.

HIBU

Not for expecting his food to be warmed up, but for his rudeness to you in his speech and his inconsiderate behaviour.

He has no respect or manners. I'd take the kids out for dinner if finances allow. He can fend for himself and continue to enjoy his own company unburdened by family life.

I thought it meant putting eg Lego all in one box, Barbie’s all in another box, cars all in another box etc.

YANBU.
my dh works full time and is renovating our home. I often end up doing the “house and parent work” as a result but he would never treat me like that. After I have cooked he clears away. He will take smallest child outside with him and give him jobs to do.
He doesn’t get to check out of family life because he’s doing diy

He's a lazy twat. YANBU. I couldn't live with someone like that, he'd soon be an ex husband. Thinks housework and childcare is women's work, clearly.

Urgh, I'd get the serious ick if a man child not only made such a mess when eating, but then left it all for me to clear up, and then on top of that dared to call me a joke for asking him to clear his mess up. So grim. How do you have sex with him OP. 🤢

and your 4 year old overheard?

YANBU at all. He should clear his own dirty plates. He is setting a bad example to the children.

I have opposite DH to you. The garden is 100% my domain and he’d rather be taking care of the DC and tidying up messy games and then cooking us dinner than be outside trimming trees or pulling up brambles or god forbid running the lawn mower. I even do the big landscaping jobs.

I tidy away my dirty dishes when I come in and I always take my wellies off by the back door.

@hillroad my 4 year old didn't seem to notice, she wasn't really in ear shot.

My 2 year old was in ear shot and kept saying ' joke ' ' joke ' and laughing. Not ideal.

Wow, what an awful environment for kids to grow up in. Assuming this isn't a one off.
Don't heat up his food. Don't clear up after him. Stop being a slave to his needs.

and they will become more and more aware Op

and will make for a very tense and unhappy childhood

If you otherwise love and trust him, urgently suggest counselling

Asking him to clear away his own dirty plate makes you a joke does it?

What a horrible way to behave - is he often rude and insulting to you?

Even better, both of them read his book 'This is how your marriage ends'. It should be compulsory for everyone considering marriage. It is mostly aimed at men, but actually is very valuable to both.

Or maybe do that and get out there when it's cold and windy and do some of the work you sneeringly dismiss as 'man work' while itemising the exhausting 'wife work' in the tiniest detail, done in a dry, warm environment!
When my OH died very suddenly I inherited the 'man work' as well as the house etc. and I know which is easier!

absolutely no way this would be happening in my house.

at the weekends I do nothing. I relax and take it easy. My husband has to do everything. Looking after the kids, cooking, cleaning, everything. I do it during the week. He can do it for 2 days at the weekend. Those are my days off, and I do nothing.

Maybe he could look after the kids while he's building his manly shed instead of using it as a cop out of family life. Then maybe he could clear up after himself instead of expecting his wife to do it.