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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing to drive my car

109 replies

GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 13:52

DH’s car is in the garage and has been for a week now (they are saying he won’t get it back until the end of next week!) which has left me to do all the driving over the past week. DH drives a tiny Fiat 500. I’ve tried to get him to drive my Tiguan over the past week but he just refuses and says it’s “too big” for him to drive compared to his Fiat. So I’ve had to do all the driving for the past week, including dropping him off at places where he could just drive to himself while I stay at home with DD but instead I have to drive him there because he refuses to drive my car. AIBU to just expect him to drive my car until he gets his car back and stop complaining that my car is too big? For example, last night he went for a meal with a friend, I had to take DD out the house twice to drop him off and pick him up, he could have just driven himself there like he would normally in his car but he wouldn’t do it as apparently my car is “too big” for him to drive,

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 29/09/2024 13:54

Well you are being unreasonable if you continue to drive him and then complain about it. Just tell him no.

nutbrownhare15 · 29/09/2024 13:54

You didn't have to take your DD out though, you could and should have said no. Is there a reason why you can't say no to him?

Macaroninecklace · 29/09/2024 13:55

Well he can decide to drive it or not, but I wouldn’t have been providing an evening taxi service with my child alongside just to take him to see his friends.

Pandasnacks · 29/09/2024 13:55

He's saying no to driving your car, you can say no to being his taxi.

Lammveg · 29/09/2024 13:56

I do get the anxiety of driving a bigger car but he'll never learn unless he tries. Tell him to take it for a short local drive so he gets used to it, and he will adjust quickly.

Absolutely do not keep giving him lifts (which I know is easier said than done), but it's not fair especially when you have to take DD as well.

IAmASpoon · 29/09/2024 13:57

I don't drive, my partner does. It would never occur to me to demand he drive me somewhere or pick me up?! I either walk, get the bus or a taxi. He also sometimes offers to drop me off or pick me up if it's not particularly inconvenient for him but I'd never expect it. That's ridiculous.

Doublesidedstickytape · 29/09/2024 13:57

You don’t have to do anything. You can tell your DH to drive himself.

Circumferences · 29/09/2024 13:58

He sounds considerate.
I wouldn't want my husband driving my car if he wasn't used to it!
You should be maybe a bit happy he's cautious and not an irresponsible twat

thunderbanana · 29/09/2024 13:58

up to him if he thinks it’s to big to drive
but I wouldn’t be ferrying him about then complaining about it. The first time he asked I’d of handed him my car keys and said it’s that or catch a bus

BananaGrapeMelon · 29/09/2024 13:58

Just say no OP. Then he can choose between not going or driving your car.

Confusedmermaid1 · 29/09/2024 13:59

YANBU but I kinda understand where he’s coming from 😅 I had only ever driven small cars and I was so nervous to drive DHs small SUV when mine was having work done but now I’d rather drive his than mine 😂
Say no because you shouldn’t have to taxi him around and he might find it’s not as daunting as he thinks it will be..

GabriellaMontez · 29/09/2024 13:59

You didn't 'have' to take him.

Original poster
GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 13:59

I felt bad refusing to drive him because he had the meal arranged for a few weeks before his car broke. I’ll probably just say that unless he drives my car then for now the only lift I will give him is to drop him at work and pick him up from work while I’m on my way to/from work until he gets his car back.

OP posts:
Luddite26 · 29/09/2024 14:00

What a pathetic carry on both of you

Original poster
GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 14:01

BananaGrapeMelon · 29/09/2024 13:58

Just say no OP. Then he can choose between not going or driving your car.

I think I will from now on. I’ll probably still have to take him to/from work though until he gets his car back, but I can do that whilst I’m on my way to work as well.

OP posts:
Macaroninecklace · 29/09/2024 14:01

Circumferences · 29/09/2024 13:58

He sounds considerate.
I wouldn't want my husband driving my car if he wasn't used to it!
You should be maybe a bit happy he's cautious and not an irresponsible twat

But how does he get used to it if he never drives it?

People aren’t born behind the wheel of a big car, they learn, by doing. A Tiguan isn’t even big, it’s a normal family car not a mini bus. I have some sympathy if it’s a particular car parking issue (there is one multi storey I refuse to drive our estate in because it’s so so tight) but in general it’s no different driving a big than a small car when you’re just going down a road or parking in a regular space. You drive carefully regardless, surely?!

Original poster
GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 14:02

He won’t even drive it once to try it or try and get used to it. He just refuses and says it’s “too big” for him.

OP posts:
crockofshite · 29/09/2024 14:03

Is he even insured for your car?

Codlingmoths · 29/09/2024 14:05

yabvu for driving him around! What would he do if you were refusing to drive his car and expecting lifts?

Greengrassgrowssofast · 29/09/2024 14:07

’car’s there if you want to use it. Sorry no I can’t drive you.’

totally his choice if he doesn’t want to drive it - there are other options - taxi, Uber, public transport, bike, walking etc… that don’t have to involve you.

Hadalifeonce · 29/09/2024 14:07

Tell him you won't be driving him anymore. You are happy to go with him for him to drive you car for a bit.

Original poster
GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 14:08

Hadalifeonce · 29/09/2024 14:07

Tell him you won't be driving him anymore. You are happy to go with him for him to drive you car for a bit.

I’ve said I’m happy to go with him for a few drives so he can get used to it but he just says it’s too big.

OP posts:
Marinel · 29/09/2024 14:08

If you are prepared to drive him around he has no motivation whatever to actually make the effort and become used to driving it.

I got a new car recently which was much bigger than my previous one, comparable to the Fiat and Tiguan. I found it a bit daunting for the first few minutes, but obviously as it was my car I was very motivated to get on with it.

Original poster
GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 14:09

crockofshite · 29/09/2024 14:03

Is he even insured for your car?

His insurance covers third party damage if he’s driving someone else’s car with their permission.

OP posts:
Gensola · 29/09/2024 14:10

I find it a bit babyish of him and would find it hard to be attracted to someone acting like this

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