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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH refusing to drive my car

109 replies

GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 13:52

DH’s car is in the garage and has been for a week now (they are saying he won’t get it back until the end of next week!) which has left me to do all the driving over the past week. DH drives a tiny Fiat 500. I’ve tried to get him to drive my Tiguan over the past week but he just refuses and says it’s “too big” for him to drive compared to his Fiat. So I’ve had to do all the driving for the past week, including dropping him off at places where he could just drive to himself while I stay at home with DD but instead I have to drive him there because he refuses to drive my car. AIBU to just expect him to drive my car until he gets his car back and stop complaining that my car is too big? For example, last night he went for a meal with a friend, I had to take DD out the house twice to drop him off and pick him up, he could have just driven himself there like he would normally in his car but he wouldn’t do it as apparently my car is “too big” for him to drive,

OP posts:
Original poster
GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 15:03

ThatsNotMyTeen · 29/09/2024 14:51

Agreed

Driving is driving - my husband’s car is bigger than mine but I still drive it if I need to. Don’t like having to shoehorn it into small parking spaces admittedly but driving it is no different to driving anything else :/

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This! This is why I don’t understand DH constantly refusing and saying it’s too big!

OP posts:
InfoSecInTheCity · 29/09/2024 15:10

DH has never driven and doesn't have or want a licence. The arrangement has always been that if I can I'll drive him but if I can't or it would be inconvenient then he gets a bus, walks or rides his bike.

Be clear that he absolutely does not have to drive your car if he doesn't want to but that you're not his chauffeur and won't be going out of your way to fulfil his every transportation need. So he'll have to make his own arrangements.

Getonwitit · 29/09/2024 15:16

The word you need to learn is No. Why the hell are you pandering to him? You are enabling him.

Sharkattack1888 · 29/09/2024 15:27

Aren't you embarrassed by him?? He sounds like a wuss. I drive big cars, small cars, horse lorries. I'm a 4 ft 9 women with no great driving skills but I'm not a wimp like he seems to be.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/09/2024 15:29

I'm not a fan of driving DH's car but that's an ergonomics issue not about size of vehicle. I am insured, and I do drive it if it's the more practical option. Most of the time we tend to do the his 'n' hers car thing because it's a PITA adjusting the seats and mirrors around each time. I have to scoot along bringing his seat forwards from somewhere near the back and he struggles with the space to even bend down to reach the seat lever in mine as it's so close to the steering wheel and pedals. We wouldn't want to not be named drivers on the other's car and at the point of starting a policy, it tends to be no disadvantage, and can even be cheaper.

Just refusing to drive an avaliable car because it's big and expecting the other driver to put themselves out is selfish and pathetic.

Bigger cars tend to be nicer to drive. They have better view points from being higher/ more upright seating. They tend to have better design features even at more basic models and they tend to have more power and comfortable suspension. Also other drivers tend to drive with more respect with fewer issues like tail gating. I notice the difference in small, basic hire cars. More space in a parking space and smallier turning circles are about the only advantage of a small car.

Silvers11 · 29/09/2024 15:31

I sympathise with your DH - it is horrendous driving a much bigger car than you are used to and have refused a courtesy car which was a good bit bigger than the one I normally drove, after an accident which wasn't our fault. We were told that they were offering that car as it was the same 'class' as our car. Same class it may have been, but it was both longer and wider. ( We did get a smaller one)!

If it really worries him that much, he is much more likely to have an accident in it, if he's feeling that unconfident. Having said that, he's being unreasonable to expect you to drive him everywhere until his is fixed

Catza · 29/09/2024 15:33

I wouldn’t drive my partner’s car for the same reason but then I would just call an Uber to go to dinner and back and not expect a lift.

DaniMontyRae · 29/09/2024 15:42

Macaroninecklace · 29/09/2024 14:01

But how does he get used to it if he never drives it?

People aren’t born behind the wheel of a big car, they learn, by doing. A Tiguan isn’t even big, it’s a normal family car not a mini bus. I have some sympathy if it’s a particular car parking issue (there is one multi storey I refuse to drive our estate in because it’s so so tight) but in general it’s no different driving a big than a small car when you’re just going down a road or parking in a regular space. You drive carefully regardless, surely?!

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It's an SUV - how is that not big?

DaniMontyRae · 29/09/2024 15:44

GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 15:03

This! This is why I don’t understand DH constantly refusing and saying it’s too big!

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Lots of people have problems with depth perception and /or spatial awareness, maybe your husband is one of them? Going from a fiat500, one of the smallest cars around, to an SUV is a massive jump.

thisfilmisboring123 · 29/09/2024 15:49

IMO these replies are harsh.

Ffs it’s your husband, is it that much of an inconvenience to give him a few lifts for a week or two.

NewGreenDuck · 29/09/2024 15:59

BTW, my DH would not drive my Seat Ibiza. It wasn't big enough for him! I loved that car.

DappledThings · 29/09/2024 16:11

I find the idea of his and hers cars when you're married weird anyway. We have two cars, they are both ours and we drive them interchangeably.

Has he not been driving very long? He really needs to just step up and try the bigger car.

Justsayit123 · 29/09/2024 16:14

Your dh needs to man the fuck up as your car isn’t exactly big ….. stop giving him lifts

AbitofaLad · 29/09/2024 16:20

What a wimp you married OP!

MoserRothOrangeandAlmond · 29/09/2024 16:26

My husband developed epilepsy last year. So now he can't drive.
He would never expect me to do that for him especially when it comes to having to take our child out late at night.

He's aware I have to do the running around for our daughter/school runs etc and is aware I can't do everything.
I do drop him off places if I can. If it's late or I'm at work etc he takes public transport.

I wouldn't offer to take him anywhere when he can drive and there is a car available! If he doesn't want to drive....then he needs to find an alternative!

Salmoney · 29/09/2024 16:28

My friend is like this, she won't drive anything bigger than a 1.2 😅 he's not unreasonable being uncomfortable I don't think, but he is to be asking for lifts when it's his issue and choice to not drive your car when you've offered. It's fine to say no OP!

goodboystepup · 29/09/2024 16:30

I'd absolutely refuse to drive him, if he's covered on your insurance and has a license.

gamerchick · 29/09/2024 16:33

I was the same about big cars until I had a shot. I love being high up, was in my element driving a minibus.

He's probably prefer it if he would just had a go. You might not get it back.

itsgettingweird · 29/09/2024 16:35

Yanbu.

But I think your both in the right (as well as wrong).

He's right not to drive a car he's not comfortable driving.

You're right that he shouldn't expect you to be a taxi service and drag dd out.

He's wrong for expecting such a taxi service.

And you're wrong for providing it against your will.

dixkybow · 29/09/2024 16:41

goodboystepup · 29/09/2024 16:30

I'd absolutely refuse to drive him, if he's covered on your insurance and has a license.

He isn't covered. OP said he has 'drive other cars' on his own policy; usually this isn't applicable to spouses cars.

FumingTRex · 29/09/2024 16:43

I dont drive my DH car because its too big and its also different to mine in many ways. I think the kind thing to do would be to encourage him to take a taxi or go by bike. Not everyone finds it easy to switch between cars.

FumingTRex · 29/09/2024 16:45

Sorry i neant to say the kind thing would be to give some lifts and encourage him to take taxi sometimes .

MSLRT · 29/09/2024 17:00

What attracted you to such a wet lettuce.

NewName24 · 29/09/2024 17:03

GlowingStar · 29/09/2024 14:09

His insurance covers third party damage if he’s driving someone else’s car with their permission.

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That normally excludes a spouse or partner, or anyone that lives at the same address.
Check your policy details before suggesting he does that. I doubt very much he will be covered.

Haven't voted, as not sure which question you are asking.
I think any driver IBU to not be able to drive other cars (that they are insured for).
I think YABU to chauffeur him about so much whilst resenting it.
Depending on what it would cost you extra, it would seem logical for both of you to be able to drive either car if adding the other doesn't shoot the cost of your premium up.
I would not be putting a little one in the car to ferry him about when they should be in bed, as there are always alternatives (public transport, mate drives, postpone and do the meal when he has his car back, insure himself on your car for a week, etc etc).

Macaroninecklace · 29/09/2024 17:21

DaniMontyRae · 29/09/2024 15:42

It's an SUV - how is that not big?

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It easily fits in a normal parking spot, it fits down a typical road, it’s got five seats, it’s shorter than a Focus or Golf estate (albeit fractionally wider)… it’s an ordinary family car. If he’s got spatial awareness or depth perception issues serious enough he can’t drive it then arguably he shouldn’t be driving anything.