Friend turned up unannounced with cooking equipment

[Ellienellie19]

Silly really but one of my fiends went to a gathering with me on Friday evening. We baked at her house before hand and I left some cooking equipment at hers. Went to gathering with intention that I would go back to hers and sleep over, and obviously take said equipment back to mine. But she ended up leaving early, went home and then I went home separately. I had plans most of yesterday (she knew about) and she offered to drop round after. I said yes but then she said never mind, I’ve gone out. Fine. I left my phone off this morning for some peace and a lie in. However I turned my phone on and she said yu can come whenever you’re ready. Fine. I need a shower, to brush my teeth and get dressed as I hate people coming into my home when I’m being a slouch. But as I was about to shower she turned up at my door (another family member answered) asking to see me as I have her stuff. Wouldn’t leave so now she is waiting in my house while I am having a shower and not ready. It’s stupid I know but I feel a little invaded? She has turned up unannounced before. Am I being unreasonable to be uncomfortable with this?

FFS Op grow up

Sorry but I don’t think she’s the one being weird.

You’ve made it weirder than it needed to be, to be honest.

Friend turned up to drop something off.
It's a non issue

Heaven forbid a friend calls round. You are the one being rude, you know she is waiting but you are on mumsnet. Have some manners.

It’s a bit off that she made snotty comments about your appearance when she had turned up out of the blue- I’d have said something back to that. But maybe she thought it was weird that you were lurking around upstairs for ages and then still hadn’t brushed your teeth when you finally emerged.

Drama over nothing she hasn't burst in and charged upstairs she's waiting downstairs while u faff about having shower and asking strangers on Internet. Whole thing could have been avoided by acting like a grown up pop down say hello and that ur just about to shower thanks for dropping off stuff catch up soon

She doesn't sound like a very nice friend and was pretty rude when OP did go down, so no need to keep berating the OP for her part in it. Sounds like she's got this 'friend's' number now and will hopefully give her a wider berth in future.

@zeitweilig "Only on MN are you weird for liking privacy and/or down time"

No. Only on Mumsnet is a friend popping round to return a borrowed cake tin a strange and weird event that requires formal dress and a full face of make up.....

Only on MN can second poster tell first poster that they aren't allowed an opinion by stating a blanket 'no'. 🫣

For 'wouldn't leave', I'm reading 'family member invited her in'.

She probably sat down thinking the OP wouldn't be long in the shower.

You do realise that during a discussion, the word 'no' generally means 'No, I disagree'?

Or is this your first visit to a chat forum?

You cannot state a blanket 'No' to an opinion, just because you don't share it. 🫣🫣🫣

I wouldn’t expect someone to be in their pyjamas at lunchtime. So it wouldn’t factor into my thinking about whether or not to return something.

Equally, I think you just shouldn’t take what she thinks to heart. Own your pyjamas if you want to spend all day in them.

I totally understand this. I like some notice if someone intends to come round so I can make sure the house is tidy, etc. I grew up in a messy house and was very aware of being judged so always feel mine needs to be pristine for visitors. Ditto being “caught” having a lazy Sunday - I hate the thought of being perceived as slovenly. It’s a by-product of my upbringing.

I get how hiding upstairs might come off slightly weird (although I 100% understand) but why couldn’t she wait for you to collect your things? Or just hand them to whoever answered the door?

Message her thanking her for returning your things but explain that you’re not comfortable with people turning up unannounced. I’d also address the rude comments about your appearance - totally unnecessary and certainly not the behaviour of a friend.

I would expect people to be in whatever they choose in their own home tbh.

Modt considered response so far. 👍

Personally I think it’s pretty weird that, when told “OP’s in the shower at the moment”, the friend didn’t just say “Oh, okay - I just popped in to drop off her cake tin. Can I leave it with you?”

You think she's being weird. Gosh, take a look in the mirror.

"Message her thanking her for returning your things but explain that you’re not comfortable with people turning up unannounced."

Good idea. That'll end a burdensome friendship.