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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just take one of the children?

69 replies

Fairylights2345 · 28/09/2024 08:30

I'd like to arrange a day out to London with DD8 that wouldn't really suit my rather rambunctious DS5 (early start, long journey, quiet exhibition...), and DS5 would have a special day with DH in our local city that is more suited to his energy levels.

Going to London for a day out would really be a one-off, at least for the foreseeable future. It's a long way for us (over 3 hours) and I can't imagine taking DS there on his own for a day out for at least another few years (until he's DD's age really).

So my question is, would it be unreasonable to take DD8 on this day out when I have no intention of replicating it for DS5 for at least a few years?

OP posts:
Skipsurvey · 28/09/2024 08:32

if it is for his birthday?
special treat for him

ZeroFucksGivenToday · 28/09/2024 08:34

I think that's absolutely fine. DS gets something with his dad that suits him and is a treat. And DD gets the same with you.

GrazingGoat · 28/09/2024 08:34

Of course it’s not unreasonable.

TeenToTwenties · 28/09/2024 08:35

I see no problem whatsoever.

LauritaEvita · 28/09/2024 08:35

Not unreasonable at all. You know what your kids can handle/ will make them happy and you’ve planned a day that suits everyone.

Bruisername · 28/09/2024 08:35

Yes I would take her. It’s good for kids to spend time individually with their parents and doing things age appropriate for them that they wouldn’t be able to do with a sibling. And you can do the same with your DS in time.

you could also arrange a local special day with just him if you wanted to do a special one on one trip that is more suited to his interests etc

Haggisfish3 · 28/09/2024 08:35

No. I often take each dc away for days out on their own.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 28/09/2024 08:35

Yes of course it is fine.

When we do things like this, the other child usually gets a different day out with the same parent on a different weekend. But your way sounds fine too.

grafittiartist · 28/09/2024 08:35

It's lovely taking children out separately.
Quality time and you can find things that suit them perfectly.
Enjoy!

PancakesForElephants · 28/09/2024 08:35

No brainer, take one kid to London! Both kids get to do something that suits them.

MissUltraViolet · 28/09/2024 08:35

Sounds fine to me. DS also gets a fun day with his dad and you are willing to do a similar/same trip for him in a few years when he is a bit older.

Take DD and go have fun.

MumonabikeE5 · 28/09/2024 08:36

I did a parenting course with CAAMHS and they recommended taking each child away for a weekend each year. Having specific time together is good for your relationships.

PurpleFlower1983 · 28/09/2024 08:36

No problem at all, my DH took my DD to see Frozen in London while me and DS went to a local attraction more suited to him.

WiserOlderElf · 28/09/2024 08:37

Why would you ever have to replicate it for him? Different kids have different interests, you could take him on an entirely different trip that he’d enjoy more than a trip to London.
I took my 2 older children to see a musical in London last Christmas and I don’t have any plans to replicate it for my younger child.

Fountofwisdom · 28/09/2024 08:38

Dumbfounded you need to ask. Your children are different ages/have different interests. They’ll both be getting a treat and some one-to-one attention from the relevant parent. There’s no issue with this.

UhOhSpagettiOh · 28/09/2024 08:39

What would be the problem?

Tbskejue · 28/09/2024 08:39

I did this earlier in the year; my littlest would have been bored but my older one absolutely loved what I’d planned. I’ll do it for my littlest when he’s older if I find something that suits him just as well

Bamboozledbylife · 28/09/2024 08:40

You are allowed to spend time with just one child! Even more so if the activity suits one child more than the other. It doesn't need to be an occasion and as long as the other child has fun in what they do, what's the big deal!

Original poster
Fairylights2345 · 28/09/2024 08:40

Fountofwisdom · 28/09/2024 08:38

Dumbfounded you need to ask. Your children are different ages/have different interests. They’ll both be getting a treat and some one-to-one attention from the relevant parent. There’s no issue with this.

It's more that he has a very strong sense of justice, and he wants whatever his sister has. I've tried to explain that being fair to them both doesn't always mean getting the same treatment, but he's not having any of it!

OP posts:
crazyunicornlady73 · 28/09/2024 08:41

Of course that's fine. The only time it wouldn't be is if it was a regular pattern where you favoured your dd over ds and regularly spent quality time with her but not with him. That could lead to long-term resentment but as long as they're getting equal amounts of special time over the year then this sounds like a lovely thing to do.

BrokenSushiLook · 28/09/2024 08:45

Perfectly fine.

Make sure dad is going to do something genuinely good with DS and they don't just hang out at home on PlayStation.

In a couple of months have a weekend the other way around where you do something great with DS and dad does something with DD

mindutopia · 28/09/2024 08:45

Absolutely fine. I often take mine on separate days out and on separate holidays. We do things as a family too. But it’s nice to have one-to-one time with them. Except when we’ve needed to come in to London all together for embassy visits (dc and I are dual nationals), I’ve never brought both dc. It’s much better to plan suitable things to do that are age appropriate.

Beastiesandthebeauty · 28/09/2024 08:51

I actually find it's really good to have one on one days with each child

Dampfnudeln · 28/09/2024 08:52

It's absolutely fine. Different ages/ different interests and abilities. DS will spend quality time with his DF, everyone benefits.

WiserOlderElf · 28/09/2024 08:55

Fairylights2345 · 28/09/2024 08:40

It's more that he has a very strong sense of justice, and he wants whatever his sister has. I've tried to explain that being fair to them both doesn't always mean getting the same treatment, but he's not having any of it!

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He’s 5, 5 year olds aren’t known for thinking about things rationally.

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