To just take one of the children?

[Fairylights2345]

I'd like to arrange a day out to London with DD8 that wouldn't really suit my rather rambunctious DS5 (early start, long journey, quiet exhibition...), and DS5 would have a special day with DH in our local city that is more suited to his energy levels.

Going to London for a day out would really be a one-off, at least for the foreseeable future. It's a long way for us (over 3 hours) and I can't imagine taking DS there on his own for a day out for at least another few years (until he's DD's age really).

So my question is, would it be unreasonable to take DD8 on this day out when I have no intention of replicating it for DS5 for at least a few years?

I think this is just a situation where he needs to learn the lesson that in life not everything is equal! Do they do all the same after school activities and the same amount of homework etc etc?

as a younger sibling I understand it can be frustrating when you see your older sibling doing something you can’t but it’s life and there are benefits that come with being the youngest too!

Yes op it is completely fine. It is only not fine when it involves not including a stepchild on mumsnet

@Fairylights2345

treating them equally does not mean doing exactly the same thing at exactly the same time, 5 is as good a time to learn this as any.

Don't spoil DD's day out to appease DS.

He doesn't have a strong sense of justice, he has a sense of entitlement, you need to get that sorted.

I think it's unreasonable you aren't staying the night (or 2).

Different children get different things, London is just a place like anyother as far as a 5 year old is concerned.

Make it a proper break though with a night or two in a Premier Inn, it's a very long journey and you'll both get more out of it. Also don't forget to look at railcards they make the journey much cheaper and give 241 access to some attractions

You honestly don't need to explain, just do it!

You have kids of different ages, of course you can take them to do different things that suit their age. Just make sure you swap and have 121 time with the other child another weekend - doesn't have to be something big, it's just about the time spent with them.

100% do it. We did this or similar all the time since kids were young. Especially with my eldest. I think its very unfair for older siblings to be constantly at the mercy of their younger ones and I don't think it helps their relationship either. I even do this with my twins based around different interests.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. Children are different. Equality doesn’t necessarily mean the same. I have four dc, I think it’s really important to spend some time with each of them one on one if you can. Children can be quite different in isolation. One of my dc likes to do go ape adventure stuff which siblings are too young for. Another likes to buy a book and go and sit in the lovely bookshop cafe with a hot chocolate and cake and read.

It’s a bit like they both won’t go to a birthday party if the others friends but it’ll probably balance out in the end.

I think the next day out you swap though and you go with DS and your DH takes DD.

He’s 5, it’s entirely developmentally normal for a 5 year old to say ‘that’s not fair’ when they perceive that a sibling is getting something that they’re not.

My answer to that is you can do it when you are 8. Dd had to wait till she was 8, you have to wait till you are 8. That’s fair.

This conversation also happens around phones. Eldest has to wait till high school, you have to wait till high school.

Also homework more so with eldest when he was younger. Yes I understand they don’t have homework/ as much homework. That’s because they are 4 and 6 and you are 9. When you have left school they will have years of homework ahead of them. You will all do 13?years of schooling and have the same amount of homework.

Absolutely do this! Younger siblings need to learn that they can't do everything the older ones does. I was a younger sibling and I knew that I got less pocket miney/freedom etc but that I got the same rules that eldest had at the same age. That was made explicitly clear to me repeatedly over the years. A bit of grumbling is to be expected but doesn't mean you shouldn't do it.

We have 4DC and there's more than 7 years between oldest and youngest. DH took oldest to France for a week this summer while I had an "activity week" with the little ones - day at the farm park, soft play, feeding the ducks, play date at the play ground... All the children had a great week, but a very different one. The boys have already casually mentioned that "when we go to France with daddy".... 😆

i often take my children away alone.

Yeah it's fine. With younger siblings or those with different interests I sometimes run it by the rest of "when they remember this in 20 years time will they think it was reasonable" rather than do thy think it's fair right now.
As a PP said, small kids will often say something isn't fair but that's just because they're kids 😬
When they grow up a bit and look back on their childhood they will see that you were absolutely fair over the years.

So you’ll have a girls day out with DD and DS will have a boys day together with his dad? Perfectly normal, have done iit with DCs lots of times.

Are you planning to ask them both what they want to do and if they are happy with this arrangement?

We often do things separately but it's always on the basis that our children have been part of the decision.

YANBU.
You have got two presumably different kids,
so each of them would be entitled to your time in a different way.
(That sends shivers down my spine).
😁

Absolutely fine.

Very nice contrast with another current thread where a parent refused for years to take her daughter to something daughter wanted to go to until her son was an age where he could go to. Daughter seems to have lost interest but OP is having a strop because the daughter isn't now interested in it being forced on her as a surprise joint birthday present.

I do loads more trips with my daughter than I do with my son, because she enjoys it and he wouldn't. He hates busy places and prefers being at home. I spend time with him in other ways.

Absolutely fine!!

I often took mine out individually. In fact i think it's really important to get 1:1 with each child.

And never play the 'give each child exactly the same' game as you will never win it!

They all get the same (ish!) on balance but different experiences to suit the individual.

We split up regularly. And when the kids are 6 and 12 I take them away for a weekend on their own with me to a place we choose together. My husband takes one or both kids camping without me. My kids have different interests and are different ages so the same thing doesn't work for both of them all the time. Your kids will love the 1:1 time!

I think it's OK.

I used to take DS1 on trips away to stuff I thought he'd enjoy. This started when he was about 8. We loved our London trips and Edinburgh trips.
And as my younger children got older I've taken them on trips doing things they'd like.

It's lovely - ,one to one time. I still go away with youngest cos' we enjoy a little adventure.

I think its about treating them fairly.

Start with his great day out with Daddy! Get him excited about that.

Then say ‘ok, DD and I could fit in that v quiet boring sounding exhibition while you are having fun’

Yes, then you parent them.

He’s 5 and that’s life!

Thanks all. I feel reassured that it's okay then, and will organise a nice trip with DS before Christmas