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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To offer this man no explanation

91 replies

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:42

Been messaging him since around August. Early August to be precise. No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work. So considering it’s been at least 6 weeks. I figured I wasn’t interested anymore and that I would just let it go. I stopped replying. Not a good move. I know. Maybe I need to be an adult. But we haven’t met up therefore I can’t understand why I would owe him anything.

Anyway, I find him a bit annoying. He kept hounding me for pictures after I went to a wedding. Then kept hounding and asked at least 4 times for pictures from my holiday, which is fine but he just wouldn’t give me a chance. Then he texted me voice notes at the beginning of the week. Which I decided that I couldn’t reply to because I just didn’t feel it going anywhere. He then texted me again later on in the week saying “hope your weeks been ok” I left that. Then today he said “we can speed up replies now too. Mine had been slow before as work was busy”

I just got annoyed. I felt like what he was saying was “your replies are slow. Hurry up”

Aibu? Like I’m just not into it. We never met up. No love lost?

OP posts:
offyoujollywelltrot · 27/09/2024 22:43

Just say you're no longer interested, and leave it at that.

forgotmypassagain · 27/09/2024 22:44

I’d just message him and be honest. You’re not that interested in a relationship

TomatoSandwiches · 27/09/2024 22:45

Tell him you've lost interest and block.
I'd find it annoying that when Har was " busy" he gave no explanation for lack of effort until you displayed the same behaviour and is trying force you along.

No thank you.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:45

TomatoSandwiches · 27/09/2024 22:45

Tell him you've lost interest and block.
I'd find it annoying that when Har was " busy" he gave no explanation for lack of effort until you displayed the same behaviour and is trying force you along.

No thank you.

EXACTLY this! It’s okay for him to give half arsed replies. But I can’t? Make it make sense.

OP posts:
Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 22:46

In the time you written this long post you could have sent him a quick it's been nice chatting with you, etc, I wish you all the best, etc sort of message. It's closure for both him and yourself.

Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

forgotmypassagain · 27/09/2024 22:44

I’d just message him and be honest. You’re not that interested in a relationship

How do I say that. I feel it makes something that’s not that “deep” (as the kids would say) somewhat “deep”

OP posts:
Original poster
ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 22:46

In the time you written this long post you could have sent him a quick it's been nice chatting with you, etc, I wish you all the best, etc sort of message. It's closure for both him and yourself.

But he can send half arsed replies and that’s okay but I can’t.

OP posts:
Notsuchafattynow · 27/09/2024 22:49

You're sending pictures to a man you've never met?

Noseybookworm · 27/09/2024 22:52

Just tell him you don't think this is going anywhere and wish him all the best, then block! No need for any drama.

Island2513 · 27/09/2024 22:57

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

But he can send half arsed replies and that’s okay but I can’t.

Show quote history

If you don’t want to message him then just block him.

If you don’t want to ghost him, tell him you’re no longer interested, then block him.

It’s not that difficult.

BirthdeighParteigh · 27/09/2024 22:58

Hi, it’s been nice messaging but I’ve realised this isn’t going anywhere, so won’t be messaging any further. Hope you understand, and good luck with everything :)

Thats all you need to send.

Did you find him on an app? Best to keep messaging to the app until you meet, for this reason.

comedycentral · 27/09/2024 23:00

Hi it was nice to get to know you but I don't feel a romantic connection, best of luck for the future.

Then block if he's rude or takes it badly.

LauritaEvita · 27/09/2024 23:01

I don’t understand anyone who continually messages someone with no plans to meet being made. I would have nothing to say.

whydoihavetowork · 27/09/2024 23:04

Just block him.

Unless he knows where you live or has photos? Any chance he's an oddball? Tell him you are moving for work - bye.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 27/09/2024 23:06

Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 22:46

In the time you written this long post you could have sent him a quick it's been nice chatting with you, etc, I wish you all the best, etc sort of message. It's closure for both him and yourself.

This.

SleepPrettyDarling · 27/09/2024 23:07

My go-to line on this is ‘I’m afraid our moment has passed. Best of luck to you, but I’m no longer interested.’

Let him make of that as he wishes. Do NOT stay engaged!! Be cool 😎

glittercunt · 27/09/2024 23:10

I would say 'hey <insertnamehere>, look, I'm just not feeling it, good luck with the fishing'.

And leave it at that.

DixonD · 27/09/2024 23:15

Greatnorthnan · 27/09/2024 22:46

In the time you written this long post you could have sent him a quick it's been nice chatting with you, etc, I wish you all the best, etc sort of message. It's closure for both him and yourself.

This - be a grown up and tell him.

Ghosting is cruel, even if you don’t give a shit about the other person.

DixonD · 27/09/2024 23:16

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

But he can send half arsed replies and that’s okay but I can’t.

Show quote history

You’re not replying AT ALL.

BabyR · 27/09/2024 23:19

Have you suggested a reasonable meet up date/time?
If you’re not interested then tell him and then leave it at that. No need to be back and forth explaining too much.

forgotmypassagain · 27/09/2024 23:22

ForOliveShaker · 27/09/2024 22:46

How do I say that. I feel it makes something that’s not that “deep” (as the kids would say) somewhat “deep”

Show quote history

Yikes

Maybe something along the lines of “hi, sorry not been in touch for a few days. I’ve given this much thought and I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t want to waste your time or string you along so thought best to be up front. Take care x”

IntheVicinity · 27/09/2024 23:26

Honestly, I’d say ‘You’re boring me now. Bye.’

NewName24 · 27/09/2024 23:29

Of course YABU.

No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work.

It sounds like whatever he suggested, you cba to go. In which case, why pretend?
Obviously you don't have to meet up with anyone you don't want to, but until you meet someone I'm not sure how you would know if you might like them anyway. If you aren't prepared to meet someone, it seems you are wasting peoples time being on dating sites.
There's no reason - as so many others have said - you couldn't just message to say that it isn't working for you so don't want to take it any further and wish him well.

amoreoamicizia · 27/09/2024 23:29

I'm with you, OP. His attitude is a bit arrogant and demanding. He'd probably be even more so in a relationship (though you never know for sure with these app people).

I also don't see why she should tell him a white lie ("not ready for a relationship") to save his ego when he didn't do the same for her.

Delphiniumandlupins · 27/09/2024 23:40

You don't want to be bothered by him messaging you so either you block him (bit rude and bad karma), ghost him (he still sends messages but maybe you stop reading them) or you let him know that you're no longer interested and then block. Third option still only takes seconds of your time and it's surely how you would like to be treated?