To offer this man no explanation

[ForOliveShaker]

Been messaging him since around August. Early August to be precise. No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work. So considering it’s been at least 6 weeks. I figured I wasn’t interested anymore and that I would just let it go. I stopped replying. Not a good move. I know. Maybe I need to be an adult. But we haven’t met up therefore I can’t understand why I would owe him anything.

Anyway, I find him a bit annoying. He kept hounding me for pictures after I went to a wedding. Then kept hounding and asked at least 4 times for pictures from my holiday, which is fine but he just wouldn’t give me a chance. Then he texted me voice notes at the beginning of the week. Which I decided that I couldn’t reply to because I just didn’t feel it going anywhere. He then texted me again later on in the week saying “hope your weeks been ok” I left that. Then today he said “we can speed up replies now too. Mine had been slow before as work was busy”

I just got annoyed. I felt like what he was saying was “your replies are slow. Hurry up”

Aibu? Like I’m just not into it. We never met up. No love lost?

Why do you even care what he thinks? You’re not going out with him, you have no involvement. Just send a brief message re ‘This is going nowhere, I won’t be messaging again.’ Block. Done.

Being ghosted isn’t a nice feeling. Literally takes 30 seconds. Hey I’m really sorry I’m just not feeling this, been nice to chat to you but I’m not looking to explore this further

INSELs

@Notsuchafattynow

a picture doesn't mean a naked one FFS

He was asking for her to send photos from the wedding/her holiday,

Fair enough if she doesn't want to, but no need to assume wank fodder FFS he could have asked for them at any time. Not from events

@IntheVicinity

at the time she was chatting to him, getting to know him, He was suggesting times to meet up, she just didn't like the times he was suggesting (like evenings after work)

Not sure if Op is coming back to this thread to clarify but re. declining the dates, it depends on what Op has said to him about availability.

If she’s said “hey I’m only free on weekends” - assuming he doesn’t work /have dating responsibilities on weekends -there’s no reason for him to keep inviting her out on weekdays after work. Unless he’s let her know weekends don’t suit him? Sometimes men pick unsuitable times deliberately to test a woman.

Btw unfortunately men use all sorts of pics as wank fodder. Don’t ask me how I know 😏
And IMO even if not for that, at best it’s a lazy way of a guy getting to see more of you. Instead of bothering to sort out a date and see you in person as you are now they sit there and “order” current pics to be sent. Especially as all my dating app and WhatsApp pics are current anyway. It really puts me off.

Too late to edit but that was meant to read Caring responsibilities (not dating responsibilities!) although he may well have “dating responsibilities” with other women on the weekend 👀

My rule with OLD is a first date within 2 weeks unless there's a very good reason why not (e.g. one of you is on holiday).

I'm done with low effort men.

I'm done with low effort men.

Hear hear @Crushed23

Men like this will drag things out for weeks if not months on text, then expect a woman to come out, look nice and be well groomed and basically make an effort for their “date”when they snap their fingers and finally ask them out on a walk. coffee or some other basic thing.

If you don’t see effort, intention and focus from the start, it’s best to just quit while you’re ahead as it usually won’t get any better.

Low effort men - that's exactly it. They enjoy your attention without making the effort to actually meet.

I can’t help think the ones moaning about blocking a total stranger (who happens to be wasting your time, demanding and clearly not that invested) are… triggered by their own experience of being blocked.

Blocking is fucking brilliant/efficient/smart. We don’t owe men who waste our time politeness, an explanation or any sort of sign off. anyone who gets upset by a random internet person choosing to block someone has more issues to deal with imo.

block him. Like yesterday. I worry that your boundaries are so poor that you’ll accept these ‘going nowhere’ exchanges until someone really makes you evaluate. You have no future with him.

Well that's your imagination entirely @Getitgirl

Many people are just suggesting treating anyone you meet on OLD the way you would hope to be treated yourself. Just be clear you aren't interested / don't feel there is a connection / however you want to word it.

It's the just stopping replying, or 'blocking' without saying anything that seems to be looking to make a drama, or leaving him unsure of what is happening.

Of course no-one has to meet up with anyone they start a conversation with, but it's not difficult to say 'thanks for connecting / chatting, but I don't want to take this further' before stopping communicating. Surely that's not unreasonable.

@NewName24 thanks for missing the point. The guy is fucking her around. She doesn’t owe him a sign off. No further comment to make here

I can only speak for myself, but as far as I'm aware I've never been blocked. I just feel like unless someone's behaving really badly it's cowardly and juvenile to block.

Blocking has its place but in my personal opinion that place is if someone's being harassed/abused/threatened or if someone simply will not get the message and leave someone alone. In OP's case it seems that this person has been annoying and weirdly demanding but nothing worse. If it was me, personally I'd drop them a brief message along the lines some pps have suggested - 'sorry, not feeling it, all the best, bye' - and then simply ignore any future correspondence unless it persisted or took a nasty turn. I'd only block if they became threatening, abusive or a nuisance.

All this blocking people for relatively minor reasons that people seem to have started doing in recent years, if what I read on MN is anything to go by, just feels cowardly/immature, like the online equivalent of saying 'I'm not your fwend any more, ner ner ner.' It's like the concept of actual adult communication has been lost along the way somewhere. JMO.

The guy is fucking her around.

I'm not sure how you get that, from him asking her to meet up with him, but it being far too inconvenient to the op, but, hey ho.

It's like the concept of actual adult communication has been lost along the way somewhere.

Exactly @ruethewhirl