To offer this man no explanation

[ForOliveShaker]

Been messaging him since around August. Early August to be precise. No meet up has happened. Any time it’s tried to be organised he says “don’t worry if you’re busy” or he picks stupid times like a weekday when I’m tried after work. So considering it’s been at least 6 weeks. I figured I wasn’t interested anymore and that I would just let it go. I stopped replying. Not a good move. I know. Maybe I need to be an adult. But we haven’t met up therefore I can’t understand why I would owe him anything.

Anyway, I find him a bit annoying. He kept hounding me for pictures after I went to a wedding. Then kept hounding and asked at least 4 times for pictures from my holiday, which is fine but he just wouldn’t give me a chance. Then he texted me voice notes at the beginning of the week. Which I decided that I couldn’t reply to because I just didn’t feel it going anywhere. He then texted me again later on in the week saying “hope your weeks been ok” I left that. Then today he said “we can speed up replies now too. Mine had been slow before as work was busy”

I just got annoyed. I felt like what he was saying was “your replies are slow. Hurry up”

Aibu? Like I’m just not into it. We never met up. No love lost?

Why on earth don’t you just do the grown up, courteous thing and say something like “it’s been fun chatting, but I don’t think i’m going to take this any further. Wish you luck for the future!”

Never mind him, do it for YOU, for your own personal growth. If you can’t communicate or make an effort, you won’t ever find what you’re looking for in a relationship.

‘Hi Bob
I really don’t think this is going anywhere. Best of luck with your search’

Copy and paste

Ghosting is mean

Just message him and say - I'm sure you're a lovely guy but I'm not feeling it, all the best.

End.

I don’t think you need to agonise over this. Just say you don’t think it’s working out, all the best and block him.

I’d find it irritating, I would just sent a brief but polite text telling him that you’ve lost interest, you don’t see this going anywhere and you wish him all the best. Done!

It sounds like he’s texting multiple women, possibly dating some of them too, and is just keeping you on the backburner for when it suits him.

I find it really creepy when men you’ve met online ask you for additional photos. I mean what do they need more photos of you for? 👀

It’s not in your best interests to leave him hanging as he will either keep annoying you with texts or turn nasty.

I had to send a similar text to this guy I’d met online about 8 months earlier. We were speaking for a few weeks last year then it fizzled out and he randomly messaged me this summer. Started talking again and then after about a week I could see it was going nowhere again - the most he had done was mention talking about going for a “friendly coffee” but no firm plans. And when pushed he couldn’t define what a “friendly coffee” was, super unclear if it was a date or not 🤔so I felt he was probably a serial dater who tried to collect “female friends” rather than out of a serious intention to find a life partner. I just said his intentions were unclear, I was no longer interested and wished him all the best.

I did block him after that text because there was nothing left to say and unfortunately some men can be aggressive when turned down. Although I doubt he’s lost any sleep over it!

Look, do what you want OP. You will anyway. As others have said, I’d send a quick message saying you’re not feeling it, best of luck and then move on.

It’s one of two reasons - Either they want an ego boost because they’re married or have commitment issues but still want to know that other people find them attractive and engaging, or secondly, they’re lonely but have issues with self esteem and think that if they meet someone in real life they would be put off for whatever reason, so they use texting as a way to build human connection without the pressure of actually meeting and then freak at the suggestion. I think deep down people want to date and find love but can’t bring themselves to sometimes.

This.

Just tell him you're no longer interested. That's all. Any explanation you give him will encourage him to argue/wheedle/offer to "fix the problem" but you're way past that and know you're done, so don't waste your time.

You don't "owe" him anything, and obviously the normal caveats about breaking up in person didn't apply since it's a purely virtual connection, but it would be both polite and efficient to break it off cleanly. Then if he continues to contact you, feel free to block him without further discussion.

Sounds like he did want to meet up though? The OP just refuses to do anything on a weekday evening.

Reply ....

We're not compatible. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Block.

You're making this so weird. Just tell him you're not interested already and move on with your life.

During a brief period on a dating site, if I told a man I wasn't interested he generally started insulting me. This happened half a dozen times.

So my advice is to say, thanks for the messages, but I am not interested in meeting up anymore, best of luck (or similar) and then block him.

It doesn’t matter what he thinks - why do you care?

Reply “yeah you’re right I have been slow to reply. I think it’s because I don’t see this going anywhere. Thanks for the chat, let’s leave it there.”

If you are worried to tell him it’s over before it ever really started for some reason (crazy stalker vibes etc) I’d go for “Who is this? Why are you messaging my wife?” He will run for the hills.

There seems to be a load of men on OLD who like the idea of a relationship without wanting to put in the effort of actually meeting people. I agree it's bizarre, but definitely a thing.

I don't understand the point of all these messages without meeting. "I don't want to message any more, bye." Then block.

Agreed. Just let him know and move on. Don't ghost him.

I put YABU because you sound equally weird in your replies. You've decided your position in your head but seem irritated he doesn't know it.
Jesus, text him that you're done here then block. What a drama over nothing.

What's right about it?

Wank fodder?

These were pics from a wedding he asked to see. Not wank fodder.

Because it's nice to see what person you are talking to looks like? Plus it's nice to see current pictures.

OP you said itst not that deep, but the fact you're here thinking about it tells me it's deeper than you'd like to admit.

I'm not following why you didn't meet him at any of the times he suggested? Or suggest your own?

You seem to expect him to read your mind. Stop messing him around and tell him you are no longer interested. You would feel messed around if he was doing this to you.