To be shocked that 97% of 12 years olds have smart phones?

[Rhayader]

My DCs school does not allow smartphones and most of the schools around here are the same. The kids all have Nokias (and often an AirTag or similar for tracking).

I can’t believe it’s 97%! Am I totally out of touch? She’s never even asked for a phone.

https://amp.theguardian.com/technology/2024/sep/23/children-who-dont-have-smartphones

I don’t think you can see from their own phone if they have deleted WhatsApp messages, only if others have deleted them from the chat?
But to be fair, it does seem like you’re not just letting them do it mindlessly and perhaps your kids wouldn’t write anything they wouldn’t want a teacher or parent to read. But their friends might not be parented as well as yours are. It only takes one kid in a group to send one link to a horrible video or TikTok or a meme that you don’t want them to see and the damage is done.
I don’t know, maybe I sound hysterical but I am terrified of these things! My child is only 6 so I don’t have to worry about this just yet. But he’s already asked for a switch for his birthday and I’m just not comfortable with him even having that.

@Errors I just find it all really frightening and not sure how it was allowed to get to this point, I’m hoping there’s a huge change in the next few years

Me too, without a doubt. It’s my biggest fear as a parent!

I haven’t really thought this through so would welcome opinions but I wonder how realistic it would be, if they wanted to start texting their friends, that I just let them do it from my phone for a while. They can tell their friends it’s their number? Much harder for it to be secretive this way and at least you’d have full access to what is being said.

That's very true @Errors. It should still get checked though!

I'm shocked by that figure. My DC will definitely not be having one at 12. Someone made the point on another thread that everyone would be against us giving kids access to gambling machines at a young age because we know they're designed to be addictive and they are damaging. So are smart phones. Calling parents lazy for banning them is absolutely ridiculous. More like the other way round. The vast majority of stuff kids are accessing on smart phones is complete and utter brain rot, or actively damaging and completely ruinous to their mental health. No one is saying kids can't have devices to keep in touch. You can message each other on a non smart phone FFS! Your DC doesn't need a smart phone to do a 40 min bus journey. It's this sort of shit that makes me want to get off the modern world completely, run away and live in the woods.

Mine had smart phones at that age. Knowing what I do now- if I had another youngster they would most definitely not have a smart phone until they were older. I feel like kids aged 10- 16 now have been part of a huge experiment the consequences of which are only now become apparent. Equally I think babies and toddlers are now in an experiment of being given screens since birth. The horrible consequences of that will emerge in about 5 years.

Can I come with you? 😂

But yes I agree with all of this. I don’t get my son have anything to entertain him on car journeys either. We did a two hour round trip somewhere in the holidays and he spent the journey there mainly asleep; but the journey back either looking out of the window, chatting to me or picking songs for us to listen to (luckily he has good taste in music 😂)
I didn’t receive one complaint. Likewise when we go out for lunch or whatever. He has an incredible attention span and will quite happily while away a couple of hours building complex Lego. The TV is not always his go to (although I must admit I am not perfect and he probably does watch too much of it)

I am terrified that’s all going to go out of the window the day he gets his own device. Be it a switch or a phone or whatever. I just want to protect him from it as much as possible while allowing him real world freedoms such as playing out with his friends without a parent hovering over him.

I 100% agree. It's undeniable that smart phones have their use in the modern world..it's getting developing brains hooked on them that's the concern.

Where are his parents in this?

Why has got his phone in his room at night?

All of that is resolved by some active parenting.

Oh I am tired of the harm inflicted on children by this very poorly evidenced moral panic about smartphones, that apparently justifies searching their property on a regular basis and punishing them for owning an essential tool of modern life.

All so they can have wholesome, phone free teenage years like in the days of yore. Drinking pints of cider and black until you get kicked out of the pub for being underage then having sex in a graveyard.

You wouldn’t start giving increasing amounts of alcohol to a teen so that they don’t go crazy when they’re legally allowed to drink at 18 would you?!

Its a pretty standard approach to introduce a bit of alcohol pre18.

I don’t believe it’s that high.

I hope more schools move in this direction. I do know 12 year olds with bricks and my own year 8 child has no phone at all. And so far, so good. But vast vast majority still have smart phones. I'm hoping for change.

I think they already are emerging.

I went to a school sports day recently and nearly every toddler in a pushchair had their face in an iPad. They should have been watching all that was going on around them, watching other adults interact with each other, watching their siblings competing with each other. It was sad to see.

Ditto the bloke having a pint with his mates down the pub at 9pm with his less than two year old propped up watching fucking cocomelon on his phone.

Maybe in your family it is 😂

I don’t disagree but there is a world of difference between letting them try your beer or having a very small glass of wine and letting them get pissed to see where their tolerance is.

I don’t completely hide phones away from my child. He picks music on it and sends texts to his dad. I don’t disagree that some exposure is a good idea before having free reign at 16 but nowhere near as much as they get now!

Please look up Jonathan Haidt. It’s not poorly evidenced at all.
And yes, we all went a little crazy when we got freedoms when we were young (although I never shagged in a graveyard!) but those real world freedoms are necessary. They build resilience.

It's ridiculous how some of you go off.

Do you not have older kids? If you do I feel sorry for them.

I have a 12 and 14 year old and they've had iPhones for about 4 years.

I agree. But what about his friends? They also aren’t being parented well are they? So it doesn’t stop him from having 300 odd WhatsApp’s going on about god knows what once he wakes up, does it?

Let me guess, you also have tracking apps for them and are convinced if they go out in to the world without them they will spontaneously combust because the real world is scary and bad but the online world is safe and secure?

It’s common in mines too. A small glass of wine with a meal as a teen takes the mystique out of booze. I had friends who we’re hammering bottles of 20/20 in the park. Vomiting in bushes and indulging in sexual activity from a fairly young age. Oddly enough they often had really strict parents. I’m hoping the teens of today are better behaved.

Be very glad you're in that bubble. Before my child's school banned phones (they must be handed in every morning now), the disruption in class was intense. That, plus kids disappearing off to toilets for ages to mess about on phones. Kids and parents messaging each other during class! The disruption was absolutely ridiculous. Smart phones can be set so they switch off between 9 and 3 but no parents were doing that. Maybe a kid who's commuting to school needs a phone if something goes wrong on the commute but I have heard NO convincing argument for a phone of any kind to be required during the school day. As for school trips, how sad it is to see kids on a school trip, faces glued to screens, barely interacting with friends. If parents want to take the risks of phones during evenings and weekends that's up to them I suppose but I am strongly opposed to phones in schools.

I dont want my kids messaging me during the school day. They are either in class and should be focused on that or at break and focused on their friends. I really hope your messages back and forth are strictly during breaktime only. Otherwise you are directly contributing to disruption and poor focus in classrooms.

I don’t agree that toddlers should be having them either sat in pushchairs. Hate children sat at restaurant tables with iPads and phone blaring away some pegs pig or whatever.

I do again think covid changed how many younger than year 7 children got phones as it was the way to stay in contact with your friends. The amount of video calls happening.