Not having children

[curiousS]

May not be the right place to post but didn't know where else to post...
Do you ever come to terms with not having children if you want them?
I'm almost 40. Singe and always wanted to have a family but not in a desperate way. I was always happy to let nature take its course.
I always believed it would happen if and when it's meant to be.
Well. It hasn't happened. I've not dated much. Even though conventionally speaking I'm attractive enough and have the right attributes.
I'm so laid back and easy going that I genuinely do get along with most people.
I always thought it would happen easily for me. But, here we are.
I'm not the kind of person who would want to do it alone. I wanted a family. I come from a two parent family with 3 siblings so I always wanted the same.
Now, the harsh reality is that I'm nearly 40 and my time has passed.
I would never do IVF. I feel quite sad about it.
Do you get over the feelings? I'm sure you do but is it always going to sting?

Sorry you're feeling sad OP, but there is still time. Why would you not consider IVF, if you don't mind my asking? Families come in all shapes and sizes.

You can post anywhere you wish, but you might find the Mners without children forum very useful. https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

Thank you. I don't agree with IVF as I believe if it was meant for you then it would happen.
I know that may seem silly but it's how I feel.
Plus I don't want to be a single mum.

Thank you so much. I didn't know about this. I'll post there 🙏🏼

Why don’t you put more effort into dating?

Lots of child free women leading fantastic lives. I am not saying you have to be child free - I am not-but perhaps the discussions there may help you find the best way forward.

We’re both child free and childless women over there, OP, and you’re very welcome.

There is still time of you really want this.

hmmm, would you say that about any other medical procedure or medicine? Why take insulin? You were meant to have diabetes, so just live with it.

People with fertility issues don't deserve a life without children when there are procedures which can help.

That being said, if you dont want IVF that is of course your choice, but maybe be careful with your choice of words...

@Rickrolypoly my apologies. I meant no disrespect to anyone. I probably didn't word it correctly.
I wouldn't want to do IVF alone by myself. What others choose to do is up to them.
Someone asked me why I wouldn't do it and I replied.

Do you really think I haven't tried this 😂

I've come to realise now at age 40 with no children that it was for the best.

We can only enjoy our lives as we are. DH and I are now making plans to do lots of travel, lots of fabulous wine, and lots of adventures.

We have careers, a home and our cat who we fucking adore. That's what we have to work with, so we're going to have the best time we possibly can.

I must admit that it helps in some ways how much our friends with kids complain about how hard everything is and how if they could go back they might have made a different choice.

“maybe be careful with your choice of words”

eh?
her words are her own and they are fine!
why are you policing her speech? 🤷🏼‍♀️

eh?

Because it can be upsetting for people struggling with infertility when people say things like they don't agree with fertility treatments and people should accept their fate. I am not policing anyone- simply trying to let the OP know that she could be more mindful with how she phrases things.

OP has clarified what she meant and acknowledged.

fair enough, totally get that POV.

Hi OP. Yes you can come to terms with a life without children even if you wanted them. I tried IVF and it didn’t work. I’m 63 and I’m at peace and content with my life. That said I do have a husband. I was able to retire at 58 and DH and I have done loads of travelling and lots more to come.

I would second having a look at the MNers without children forum

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/childfree-mumsnetters

To be fair, you said

I've not dated much

Thank you. I think this is the crux of it. You have a partner.
I'm not talking about people who have a partner and unfortunately can't conceive for whatever reason.

@Comedycook sorry, you're right. I should have said not dated much lately.
I have dated loads all throughout my 20's and 30's. But not so much within the last three years. Perhaps I'm looking in all the wrong places!

“simply trying to let the OP know that she could be more mindful with how she phrases things.”

🙄🤦‍♀️

Come join us on the Childfree board.

Fewer people offering tropes of IVF, adoption and fostering like it's a trip to Tesco.

Plenty of us have had to learn to live a life without the children we always wanted. You are not alone and there is nothing wrong with living your life without spending money you don't have on pipedreams

I also refused IVF. Because my chances were appalling aged just 34 and the cost was also appalling. I'm married FWIW, DH is infertile, I'm fine.

IMO being in £100k debt (like my friends who are still having no joy despite umpteen rounds) is no way to start life as a parent. I'd never ever say that to them though.

Just like I'd never tell someone they should have IVF.

IMO it's an incredibly intrusive and painful process for women with poor % of a positive outcome and especially now there's then legal ramifications from donated sperm now the law has changed.

Anyone who feels that is allowed to say it.

This is the internet, and any adult using it knows there will be differing opinions on it 🙄

Thank you!

Of course anyone who feels it is allowed to say it, that's what freedom of speech is for...

However people are allowed to take offence at it and state that. I don't see anything wrong with asking the OP to consider taking more care with how she phrases things, whether she chooses to consider it is up to her.