Not having children

[curiousS]

May not be the right place to post but didn't know where else to post...
Do you ever come to terms with not having children if you want them?
I'm almost 40. Singe and always wanted to have a family but not in a desperate way. I was always happy to let nature take its course.
I always believed it would happen if and when it's meant to be.
Well. It hasn't happened. I've not dated much. Even though conventionally speaking I'm attractive enough and have the right attributes.
I'm so laid back and easy going that I genuinely do get along with most people.
I always thought it would happen easily for me. But, here we are.
I'm not the kind of person who would want to do it alone. I wanted a family. I come from a two parent family with 3 siblings so I always wanted the same.
Now, the harsh reality is that I'm nearly 40 and my time has passed.
I would never do IVF. I feel quite sad about it.
Do you get over the feelings? I'm sure you do but is it always going to sting?

So when people get ill, maybe we shouldn't give them treatment because if we follow the same logic 'if you were meant to live, you wouldn't have gotten ill'?

I'm sorry but your logic or the lack of is just bizarre...

I do hope you'll get the family you wish for though 💐

This.

If you want a debate about IVF, start a thread.

OP is an actual person, sharing feelings of sadness/loss. Have a bit of empathy and respect.

Elizabeth Day talks a lot about coming to terms with this OP.
You might like her podcast "how to fail"

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/elizabeth-day-children-motherhood-fertility-b2502632.html

Here you go:

open.spotify.com/episode/2eBa2lkvIwiECm68tShXpb?si=anDj6e9wSAiGoI7g78KmJQ

The OP doesn't personally believe in IVF. She has every right to her view and to express it in a thread about her own experience. Stop with the thought police, it's tedious. How do you get through the day being offended by everything - in this case on behalf of other hypothetical people who might just read the thread!?

I have no problem with IVF. If people want it they should try to get it. But I have no right to tell another person, who doesn't share my view, that they should moderate their language when all they've said is "I don't personally believe in it". To quote Ricky Gervais - just because you're offended doesn't mean you're right.

Why are people kicking the OP when she is down for not picking her words carefully enough for you? Leave her be. Honestly, this place sometimes.

Not having kids isn't a health issue. It's perfectly valid not to agree with creating life in such a way whilst still wishing to take advantage of modern medicine for illnesses.

Exactly. Tedious is the word. Literally every view or opinion someone shares on an issue of any importance, no matter how carefully worded, will be offensive to somebody somewhere.

But she didn’t say that. She said nothing about infertility. She talked about herself, and that she didn’t meet someone to marry and have kids with.

OP maybe it's fate you didn't meet a partner and you weren't meant to be married/have children?

But you are telling the people who are offended by how the OP has spoken about ivf how they should be speaking on this thread ? So it’s the same thing.

OP, I never succeeded in having children, and had IVF 3x and IUI x2. I’m now 58. I’ve had 2 husbands, but single for the past 16years.

Yes, the feeling you describe does fade, and becomes more of an occasional, slight, melancholy wish, especially as most of my friends are now at the stage where grandchildren are appearing. All the friends without children have partners. So I think I have an inkling of what you mean.

I think the biggest challenge is people saying things which bite without any intention to do so, My friend is waiting excitedly for her 1st grandchild to be born next month, and has been regaling me with every step and appointment. I certainly don’t want to make her choose her words, because it IS a wonderful thing for her, but when she told me that having a ‘bébé’ (what she calls it) is a very difficult thing to go through, I thought, well, not having a baby is pretty difficult too. I know from experience the dynamic changes when these life changes happen, so I’ll be put in the back burner as a friend for a while. Which is fine, I have other friends and concerns.

Ride it out, if you’re sure you don’t want IVF. I’ve enjoyed my friends’childen, and am aunty to loads. Life is good, as love and joy are always possible with a bit of self knowledge. Good luck 💓💐

I'm childfree by choice, but as you may guess from my username I am a very proud stepmother (the wicked bit is a running joke with my stepkids, honest).

At 40 I was (happily) single and then look at me 7 years later 🤣 Married with (now) teenage stepkids.

If you want biological children you have time, albeit not a lot. If you don’t want to go that route then there’s still plenty of time for you to end up a step parent, which I highly recommend! I’d argue it’s much easier to be a stepmother without your own kids and the associated challenges of ‘blending’, and you get to dip in to parenting whilst always being able to “hand them back” when it gets challenging 🤣 Mumsnet doesn’t seem to rate step-parenting much, but it’s actually pretty great!

Parenting comes in different forms for all of us, but being 40 and single doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen for you.

Can you please stop using the term IVF to mean have a baby via sperm donor.