AIBU to consider medicating my son past his needle phobia?

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He needs a pretty important blood test. We've been trying for over 6 weeks, and have been to a phlebotomist 13 times so far. He is 15. The issue is not pain, lack of trust, lack of understanding. The thought of the needle makes him clench his arm. He cannot stop this and we can't stop him. He cannot or will not use any of the strategies we've practiced, like looking away or using headphones. He is extremely stubborn and, despite years of coaching, has a very fixed mindset and negative outlook. I'm scared for his future.

We've tried every parenting approach you could think of and we're exhausted. This is only 1 issue among several our family are dealing with.

Would you give him Kalms or Phenergan (sp)? He is already on a magnesium supplement. We've tried Rescue Remedy.

@FlingThatCarrot you are being obtusely unkind, judgmental and smug. I reckon if all was well you wouldn't be writing such unempathetic posts to an OP whose ds is struggling. It sounds like the opticians had shitty bedside manners, sadly true for may HCP. Had the optician communicated important health information factually but with tact and empathy Op's ds would probably not be struggling and it would have saved the NHS money in not missed appointments. It really does not cost a thing to be polite and thoughtful. Yes this is AIBU but some people post here for traffic and not to be kicked when they're already down. Good thing OP is accompanying her ds to his appointments, otherwise that optician may have enjoyed her sense of power even more. We all know the type.

Wow, some of the responses on here are awful and clearly show how ignorant people can be of genuine phobias.

I don't have any good advice as unfortunately I'm also completely needle phobic and nothing has been able to cure me (private hypnotherapy, NHS and private CBT), I'm a lost cause and it terrifies me because I know someday I'm going to need blood taken.

I managed once in my third pregnancy and only because the hospital agreed to get an anaesthetist to take it from my hand which I found slightly more bearable to consider than an arm (I still fainted and threw up but at least I was lying down). Would this be an option for your son?

I think you are unaware of how many things work. Parents have to be present at their children's medical appointments, right up until they are no longer considered children legally. That is how it works.

At the opticians, it is ok to be outside the room. I ask what's possible, then give my children a choice if there is one. In this circumstance, staff asked me to come in from the waiting room to tell me about this serious concern the optician had. The concern was expressed vaguely but with some drama, and left us both with a sense that this was an urgent situation. I clarified this with the optician, who told us it was serious but not immediately urgent. However teenagers rarely have the emotional maturity and certainly don't have the experience to process bad news like adults do. Because they are not adults, and won't be for several years, whatever the law says.

I hope your learning curve as you continue to parent your 3yo is gentle and not too bruising for your family.

Thank you for so many kind responses and advice. I'm going to make an appointment with the doctor to talk about some of the options you've mentioned. We are talking about long-term solutions like hypnotherapy or CBT, and also about trying everything we can to get this particular blood test out of the way.

I really needed to see whether I was being sensible to even consider giving him some form of sedation myself to help him through this particular test, and reading your experiences and seeing how the voting panned out has helped me think more clearly.

I think they're very unlikely to use sedation. My experience of trying to sedate a needle phobic child for an injection was that the level of sedation you could give without n anaesthetist just made him confused and combative. It was frankly dangerous. Finger prick blood sugar sounds well worth exploring.

My dc is a bit younger than yours and her consultant has mentioned some kind of sedation as an option for blood taking. We've never pursued it so I'm not sure of the details but clearly it's not a total no-no for kids.

I’ve got a phobia of sick, when my kids have sickness I usually have to take diazepam afterwards as it just traumatises me so much. I know some will find this hard to believe but when it’s a phobia it’s utter fear and you just can’t help it. Give him whatever you think he needs.

Is the comment about not saying anything to me? I just meant them not doing the 'sharp scratch' warning immediately before the needle so he doesn't tense up - I wasn't suggesting they don't talk to him at all / don't get consent!

Needle phobic kids grow up to be needle phobic adults, and as can be seen on this thread... anyone over the age of 5 with a needle phobia is considered to "be a baby" and "pathetic". I am in my 40s... who is going to bribe me with computer games? That shit wont work.

There are some awful, awful posts on here.

My son is also needle phobic. Thank heavens A&E staff and vaccination teams know a hell of a lot better than to just wave a phone screen at him, threaten him or tell him to grow up. That would not be acceptable for an adult and it's not acceptable for a 15yo. The phobia has built up from negative experiences and feeling out of control. It's spun out of control now, but knowing that does not actually help much. It's bizarre how some phobias (spiders, snakes) seem socially acceptable whereas others are scoffed at.

OP for the longer term, my son is not able to access CBT or talking therapy. One approach that's been recommended to us is EMDR. It sounds quite snake oily but does seem to have an evidence base, and can be attempted without having to engage quite as much with the issue as other therapies tend to require. FWIW our experience with emla cream was not a happy one. He is quite tough with pain, the thing he can't bear is the feeling of the needle going in and emla didn't take that away enough. I don't know about the freeze spray.

My dd was also needle phobic and then diagnosed with diabetes. We had no choice but to be very tough and force her to be injected. It is literally life and death important. The silver lining to this is she now injects herself and can get blood tests with only a little stress during the process.

When I noticed the symptoms I got urine dip sticks to test for glucose first so I was sure before we took her to hospital. If he's not showing symptoms you have some time to deal with the phobia but if he becomes symptomatic it becomes quite urgent. Make sure you know what to look for. At 15 though he can make his own medical decisions including attending and making them on his own. At 16 parents aren't really involved at all. Appointments and reminders are addressed to the 16 year old and parents are only there for moral support.

My 17yo has a phobia of anything piercing his skin, so not just needles but stings, getting splinters out etc. Once rang me in hysterics from school when he had to have immunisations (the nurse suggested it) & I chatted to him whilst he had it done & then his friends looked after him.

One thing I found that helped last time was us playing a game together on our phones - last time it was competitive sudoko so no turn taking, just trying to beat each other head to head. A two player tetris game would work too. Perhaps start the process in the weeks running up so you both get hella competitive with one another. There's good evidence for focusing on a game being an excellent distraction from pain/panic.

It's worth a try 🙏

Sorry, still hear the teeniest violin ever being played. Hope you remind him in a couple of years when he wants your sign off on a Tattoo because he's too young.

Do it. He needs the tests. God forbid he had something time sensitive to be treated.

What worked for me as a teenager was:

1. wearing a tank top
2. after sitting on the bed (I have previously passed out), checking arm position & explaining the phobia. I closed my eyes to make sure I never saw the needle being prepped.
3. asking for no warning and physician to continue a general chat monologue / question s about my holidays and to stick me somewhere in the chat,.

what cured me was wanting a baby like nothing else before and needing to do IVF to get there. Half way through the 100 odd injections and blood draws my body gave up the fear response. Not useful for your son though.

My doctor flat out refuses to prescribe any benzos, where are you getting diazepam? Assume you're not in the UK?

What’s wrong with you? Phobia’s are very real and not something you switch on and off. I find these messages suggesting he’s a drama queen or mother is mollycoddling him ridiculous. Not sure which poster said mum was doing this by attending the optician’s with him. This is perfectly normal, i’ve been 3 times with my daughter recently, I saw plenty of other parents of teens there. My daughter needed support choosing glasses and optician came to speak to me (i was having my own eye test in another room) about her ask for contact lenses.

I always accompany her to these kind of things, and she wouldn't want to go alone even if i asked. Not least because decisions needed to be made about monthly costs, and given she’s at sixth form and doesn’t earn, its me signing up to any direct debits. The poster suggesting this is mollycoddling has no clue. I’d accompany my 20yr old or 30yr old son too if they wanted me to, and if offered sure they’d both say yes as it’s nice to get someone else’s opinion on glasses.

Some ridiculous responses. OPs son is going to the appointments. He is having a physical reaction of tensing up, willing to try to get the blood taken, but not able due to fear.

I’m not needle phobic at all and had lots of medical treatment for some treatments (medical and things like waxing) I’m told to relax. it is incredibly hard to do if you are in any way apprehensive, never mind scared.

You have probably already researched OP but a couple of links just in case on needle phobia Diabetes charity and

100% agree. I think there are some posters here who don't have children and have forgotten what it's like to be a child or young person, or are here simply to troll.