AIBU to consider medicating my son past his needle phobia?

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He needs a pretty important blood test. We've been trying for over 6 weeks, and have been to a phlebotomist 13 times so far. He is 15. The issue is not pain, lack of trust, lack of understanding. The thought of the needle makes him clench his arm. He cannot stop this and we can't stop him. He cannot or will not use any of the strategies we've practiced, like looking away or using headphones. He is extremely stubborn and, despite years of coaching, has a very fixed mindset and negative outlook. I'm scared for his future.

We've tried every parenting approach you could think of and we're exhausted. This is only 1 issue among several our family are dealing with.

Would you give him Kalms or Phenergan (sp)? He is already on a magnesium supplement. We've tried Rescue Remedy.

If he gets sicker, I'd let him feel the effects. Natural consequences

I honestly can't get over this comment.

To answer your actual question, there’s nothing wrong with medicating in this circumstance, and in many places and situations it would have been offered much earlier. It should be with his consent though.

It’s counterproductive to keep trying and failing as it’s entrenching the problem.

I’m not suggesting that your ds is neurodiverse but my autistic ds has a pda profile and the drive towards autonomy leads to issues like this. You might get more helpful advice and support if you post this problem in special needs, where people have expertise that goes beyond “just make him”

No, it's horrifyingly cold and callous. My 16 yo (with autism) is similar and we've been for umpteen "appointments" to the immunisation clinic to try to get DS to have the Meningitis jab. I'm terrified he's going to catch it at college and wind up either dead or paralysed, and he knows the risks of not having it but a phobia is not that easy to overcome.

I feel your pain OP. I know someone whose child was similar (and had medical problems all his life) and they used to give him gas and air before any round of injections or blood tests. He just couldn't cope otherwise.

Can you visit a children’s hospital where they may have more comfortable options? Poor kid I’m a scaredy-cat cat too so I completely get it. I’m 52 and still lay down for a blood test.

I'm sorry that sounds like a very difficult experience for the whole family. My dd has a needle phobia are you able to share what the psychologist did to help your ds?

My ds is now in his 20s and is still needle phobic-to the point where he’s passed out when he did get blood taken.

It’s a true phobia and no amount of “just telling him” will help. Someone has already mentioned hypnosis, I think this could be well worth exploring and am going to keep it in mind for my ds

Tbh I don't think either of these meds will stop him clenching. There's no way to convince your doc to give something stronger?

A couple of years ago I worked with someone with a severe needle phobia - they’d just been diagnosed with cancer so it wasn’t something they could serve anymore. Within 3 sessions they were happily handling needles (I have a supply for giving horse injections) and went onto make a full recovery.

Wow I hope your child never experiences a phobia, if that's your response. If OPs son has a phobia (and it sounds like he has) he's not messing about for fun, it's a genuine terror. The same way you'd feel if a gunman burst into your house or something, the physiological response is the same. Unbelievable.

Swerve, not serve.

No one is born with a needle phobia. You've given it to them as children by over egging vaccinations and making a massive deal about it.

We've taken both out toddlers to watch our blood tests/ vaccinations since tiny. Even gone with grandparents to completely normalised it. It's not a big deal, no different than a Dr spraying that stuff up their nose.

I've heard parents doing massive warnings and prep for their kids injections and then a huge celebration and reward for having it done. This just makes it a bigger deal than it is, increases anxiety. Mine get told on the day, we go in, look at away and sing the alphabet, all done. Now let's get on with the day.

He 15, let him get on with it.

Try hypnotherapy. Honestly, it will make a world of difference. It’s very effective for this sort of this. You will have to pay privately but the benefits will be lifelong.

A phobia isn't a choice. Parents might have inadvertently made a phobia worse by not knowing how to deal with it, but phobias aren't chosen and this boy can't just decide not to have a physiological response to a stimulus. That's not how humans work.

You know people have many phobias which make no sense right? Like fear of spiders or lifts or the dentist? Do you think every person with a phobia had it induced by their parent making a fuss and not being such a marvellous parent as you, and can just choose not to have it? Cos if that's what you think, you are wrong.

parents doing massive warnings and prep for their kids injections and then a huge celebration and reward for having it done.
Some people may do this, my dd's needle phobia is not due to this. She is pretty self sufficient in most other areas, very independent. In our case it comes from a fear of not being in control. She'd happily draw her own blood or give herself a vaccination 😂, she has removed more ticks from the dog than I care to know and many times she has had to clean her grazed knee and put a plaster on it at junior school, she was a regular in the school office as very sporty and fell over lots on the playground. People are different, phobias are psychological and not something you can reason with. But great that your approach works with your dc.

First, a child is not allowed to have a blood test without a parent/carer present. We've tried me being out of sight and uninvolved. He says this makes it worse.

Second, he has always been uncomfortable with needles but managed when necessary, because we've always been matter of fact, truthful and positive with our kids. This reaction only happened over this particular blood test, which is due to a referral from an optician who said (in front of him) that he had a serious concern about diabetes. I saw the fear set in. And yes, I am furious with that optician while being glad he acted on his concerns.

I understand that there are people who see personal weakness as a failure or character defect. I don't see human beings that way so will respectfully disagree with those who think he should just get on with it.

We've tried me being out of sight, uninvolved, fully involved, cheerful, chatty, stern, commanding, loving, supportive - we are an emotionally intelligent family and all understand we need different support in different situations. I've always taken guidance from the phlebotomists about whether what I'm doing helps.

We've tried self-hypnosis, breathing exercises, mindfulness and affirmations, all of which have been helpful but not enough to convince him he'll ever be able to do it.

Thanks for the positive suggestions and support - I will certainly be pushing for support from the gp or a referral, but meanwhile we are so worried about untreated diabetes. He knows that, how could he not, even though we have talked about how we will cope whatever we learn.

It's really hard to love him through this, which he obviously needs, when I'm so frustrated and worried. I feel like it's my fault that he can't do this because I have failed him. I do know that is illogical and not factual.

This reaction only happened over this particular blood test, which is due to a referral from an optician who said (in front of him) that he had a serious concern about diabetes. I saw the fear set in. And yes, I am furious with that optician while being glad he acted on his concerns.

How am I not surprised. 😔

We had a shitty optician say some extremely tactless and scaremongering things in front of dc 10. The fear of Diabetes must be at the core of this. Have you tried speaking with him about the condition and all the possible ways of managing it, especially with new technologies? I hope you get the support you need and your ds will overcome this fear.

Some posters and HCP are simply ignorant.

Some of these comments are just nasty!

OP, I was needlephobic as a teenager. (I can date it to passing out at my TB jab at secondary school.) I had several hypnotherapy sessions - it wasn't a cure, but it did take the edge of it to the point where I could tolerate having it done and not pass out. (I am pretty much 'cured' now as a result of having fertility treatment, though I still have do regulate my breathing and lie down for a moment with dental injections.) I'd recommend hypnotherapy as worth a try.

I really hope you're able to get him the care he needs - it sounds like you're doing a good job of being supportive and understanding.

Sounds like he needs therapy speak to GP to get it sorted.

I would do some reverse psychology eg pretending not to know he's in earshot and discussing how next door's third cousin 14 times removed 13 year old daughter had to have a blood transfusion, person to person, after tumbling off a massive mountain doing her Duke of Edinburgh award with only some Kendals mint cake to stick between her teeth because helicopter rescue had to employ massive needles - but she'll still get her gold medal because did seven peaks - or other such balderdash. It is stupid but he's 15! Not a baby! By that time, us poor girls would have had a myriad of stuff including BCG etc. I travelled a lot with parents and remember going to the BOAC / BA (showing my age!) vaccine place in Piccadilly, London to have loads of painful inoculations; Cholera was the worst and only lasted 6 months!

@FlingThatCarrot, I hear you!!! Sorry, OP but have bugger all sympathy re a15 year old's inability to deal with the 'sharp scratch'.

How about solution focused hypnotherapy? It works for me with various issues. It's not the hocus pocus that's seen on TV, it's working to reassure the deep mind which is scared. pm me if you want to know more.

Wow, the lack of empathy on this thread is horrifying.

I used to be needle phobic, I would shake uncontrollably at any appointment that required one. The nurse simply couldn't take the blood due to the shaking and I couldn't stop it as it was involuntary.

I had hypnotherapy as a last resort, I paid for it myself in my early twenties- best thing I ever did.
I can now walk into the the nurses room to have blood taken, an injection given, I had an epidural during childbirth and a spinal block with my caesarean.
I don't even think about it any more.

Please get him some help, he will thank you when hes older.

I'm sorry to hear his tricky this has been.
CBT is evidence based and effective for this. Please ask your GP to refer him

OP I've been there and you have my sympathy. Some of the posts on here are awful and I hope those kicking you while you're down don't really have kids and are just here to troll. It goes without saying that neither you or your DS are to blame for this phobia. I hope you can find a solution - we haven't so far but as I mentioned above, the finger prick method of blood taking has provided some temporary respite for my DC.