To not want to give NRP every weekend contact

[Mandy2422]

Hi,

Just after some opinions or advice please.
DS is 3 and currently see's dad weds 9-2 and Friday 12-5pm Saturday.

We're going back to court soon and he's asking for every weekend Friday-Sunday.

DS will be starting school next year and I feel that me never having a weekend with him is so unfair! I've offered EOW and the week with no weekend for dad to have DS once in the week. He's saying he can't do this as he'll be getting a job soon and how can he possibly work and have DS (yes I know everyone else manages to, me included!).

AIBU saying I'm not happy with every weekend?

No, you're not BU.

It’s not fair for your son or for you.

you’ll never get weekend quality time

No, not fair. Don't go for this.

Of course that's not ok!

Yanbu! Do not give in and agree to every weekend. You deserve a weekend with him as well.

My friend agreed to every weekend with her children’s Dad as he bullied her into it and wouldn’t settle for anything else. She hates it. She leaves the house at 7:30am and returns home at 6pm. She sees less of the kids than he does as he has them Friday night to Sunday 6pm.

Come up with a real sable counter proposal- every other weekend is the usual. Don't just go in saying you're not happy with every other weekend. And focus on what's best for your son ie spending quality time with both his parents especially when he starts school.

It's not clear from your OP - does he not work at the moment? Do you work during the week?

The courts will focus on what’s best for the child, not the parents. It’s best for a child to see both parents equally. 50/50 is the starting point.
There’s a year before your DC starts school, so arrangements can be made now and future changes ordered. Who looks after your DC whilst you’re at work, is he in a nursery? I would suggest that currently your ex has him Thursday morning to Saturday tea time for now then review it when he starts school.

eow and offer an overnight or meal week day on the week he doesn’t have the weekend.

Working parents manage it even if it involves an after school club till say 6pm then he drops off at school / breakfast club the following morning. Though if you are feeling kinder he could pick you up from you at 6pm and drop off to you for 7am or whatever if your work allows for school runs. If you want too that is.

Every other weekend is really not the norm so please do not use that phrase.

You can consider of you wish to offer 3 weekends in 4 or if you wish to offer as suggested above Thursday to Saturday. Or other set up.

If he argues he has a job simply state "as do I' and move on

YANBU to want some weekend time with your child.

YANBU.

Every Sunday or every Thursday can work well, then alternate Friday and Saturdays. It means less back and forth for the DC.

I think he should be taking him for some weekdays. I would try to maximise the time he spends with his dad (assuming dad is safe and a reliable parent) but he needs to take some weekdays as well.

Just to answer a few questions:

I work and currently work around when DS is at nursery and with dad.
He's not currently working but said he'll have a job soon and asked how can I expect him to work and have an afternoon in the week off.

I'm more than happy for him to have DS in the week EOW as feel that's only fair. He also doesn't want 50/50.

You will need weekends with your child as well - the routine of school can be really demanding and having relaxed time together is essential.

Some people split weekends - so with one parent Friday to Saturday and the other Saturday night to Sunday. That wouldn't have worked for me, but it can do.

@Soontobe60 Yes the Thursday-Saturday was also my suggestion but he's saying once he starts working he won't be able to do this. I'm not sure why though as DS already goes to nursery on a Friday morning so as far as I can see there's no childcare issue if that makes sense.

You are not unreasonable at all and it is very unlikely that any court will make such an order.

@CoffeeCup14 Yes that the sort of set up we have now and while it's not ideal I do at least get one weekend day with DS but with dad asking for a second night he's just won't budge from saying he wants the full weekend every weekend.

I am going to see a solicitor tomorrow to see what they suggest, hoping they give some good advice as I'll be honest it's going to wipe most of my savings if I actually have to use her in court.

Go in asking for 50/50 equal care & let your ex make himself look like the prat he is by trying to justify why he 'cant'.

Try to avoid court if you can - it's a horrible experience and can be very expensive (solicitors' fees don't include barrister fees, which can be around £1,000 per hearing). I don't think it helps get a better decision either.

Does he not understand that if he wants to be a working, involved parent, he will need to use childcare and do juggling like every other parent does? If he's been out of work for a while, this may feel insurmountable to him (and some jobs are more accommodating than others). Or it may be that he just isn't interested in seeing that as his problem.

Come up with a decent offer including up to 50/50 but where you have EOW.

Don't engage in these discussions outside of court. Allow him to stand in court and tell the judge he couldn't possibly do his fair share as hell soon have a job.

For example 3:4 and 4:3, or 4:3 and following week at yours with day/ evening with dad. Also school holidays when he starts.

But no, it's not fair he has every weekend.

It’s most likely the Court will say one evening/overnight mid week, then every other weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening. The Courts will be looking to the future when child is at school, and this is the norm when both parents work, I very much doubt Court will give him every weekend, I’ve never heard of it. As previous poster says, unless he wants 50/50 then he has to stick to the norm. Personally I wouldn’t be spending on Solicitors fees as it will become clear he isn’t being reasonable asking for every weekend.

You don't need a solicitor. Just offer every other weekend and a day in the week he doesn't have the child or 50/50. Your proposal is reasonable and fair.How he manages is his problem as it is yours how you manage your job and child responsibilities. If he is not happy, he can go to court. His request is so unreasonable the judge will take two seconds to dismiss the case. The judge will be very harsh on him. Trust the family court. Be a litigant in person if he takes you to court.

Providing the father is not abusive, I'd be going for 50/50 - an equal split of the hard graft (no Disney dad syndrome), and the quality time, for both parties. If his dad says he can't possibly have him more than what he's suggesting because he'll be working, he'll get laughed out of court. Before he gets a job is a good time to sort arrangements, because he can factor in the care of his son when seeking employment. Like every other working parent has to do.

So in his mind, his theoretical job that he is planning to get is more of a barrier to week day childcare than your actual job that you already have? Wow.

Yanbu and court would agree with that. You need EOW to chill with dc and to enable their relationship with your side of the family.
What’s the distance between you ? My ex immediately moved hours away and the travelling was tough on the kids. Luckily he saw sense and moved much closer.

He'll just have to find a way to manage in the week. Working parents have to do that.

It's unfair on you to not see your children at the weekend. That's obvious. Ask him to see how he would feel if he couldn't spend a whole day with his children without thinking about school etc.