To not want to give NRP every weekend contact

[Mandy2422]

Hi,

Just after some opinions or advice please.
DS is 3 and currently see's dad weds 9-2 and Friday 12-5pm Saturday.

We're going back to court soon and he's asking for every weekend Friday-Sunday.

DS will be starting school next year and I feel that me never having a weekend with him is so unfair! I've offered EOW and the week with no weekend for dad to have DS once in the week. He's saying he can't do this as he'll be getting a job soon and how can he possibly work and have DS (yes I know everyone else manages to, me included!).

AIBU saying I'm not happy with every weekend?

Oh yes, and half of each school holiday goes to each parent of course.

I mean if anything, by his logic about jobs, he could have all weekdays, and not go to work since he doesn’t have a job, and you could have all the weekends.

In reality, that’s not what needs to happen. He doesn’t need to “have an afternoon off” if he doesn’t want to, or can’t get that, he needs to pay for wrap around care like everyone else.

Why does he think he’s going to walk into a job after so long out of work?

Believe me, IF, and it’s a bit if imo, he ever gets a job, he will soon give up the every weekend idea because at the moment he has a whole week to do his own stuff, see his friends, play 24 hour games, slop about in his pjs watching a box set etc, but WHEN, (IF) he gets up off his bum and gets a job he will find that lo and behold, the only time he has to be his true self is the weekend, and he isn’t going to want to be doing daddy duties every single weekend. Cue his mother stepping up to the plate, has he told her this yet I wonder.

So I would say, “Yes, you idle bastard , let’s talk about that when you have got the job and are working, but until then, we will stick to what we agreed.”

If he isn’t happy with that then that means it is time for a formalised arrangement via the court, with agreements thrown in for Christmas and New Year as well. And while you are at it a proper arrangement for child support.

The other thing is that if he hasn't worked in years and isn't doing now, the court won't be the slightest bit interested in him wanting an arrangement that works for him 'getting a job soon'. Their attitude is likely to come close to 'and pigs might fly'.

UPDATE

I first of all want to say thank you to everyone that commented it really did help.
We've been to court and a final decision has been made by the court.

They agreed to every other weekend but with me every mon, tue and weds and dad every Thursday and Friday and then alternate weekends.

My question now- how to help little one adjust from going from 1 night to 4! Will this happen naturally? Will it take weeks yo adjust? I'm worried I won't lie but I'm hoping it's only me that will get upset about it and not DS.

Has anyone had experience of this and know what the best way to approach it is or do I just go with the flow and see what happens.

I would suggest to your ex that you build up to it - put a timetable in place - a couple of weeks of two nights, then three nights, then the full plan. Don't drag it out, but he needs to know that he will come back.

A visual timetable will help as well - so he can see where he's going to be and when he's coming back.

I used to tell my kids that I was doing things while they were at their dad's - I loved being with them but also liked doing things I couldn't do while they were there, to give them the idea that I was wanting them to enjoy their time while we were apart.