Sick SC coming over, 8 weeks pregnant?

[97FTM]

Hi all,

just looking for a bit of advice and to know if I’m being unreasonable for feeling worried about this.

am expecting my first baby and currently 8 weeks pregnant. Partner has child from previous relationship 50% custody. There’s norovirus going round where we live and SC started throwing up last night. Was due to come over today but is now coming round this evening. SC is still vomiting this morning, and it’s clearly very contagious as multiple people in his extended family have also got the same bug from being together at the weekend.

I’m really worried about contracting this illness. I know a fever can be really dangerous while pregnant and I also feel constantly sick already but luckily not actually vomiting too much. I feel like this will tip me over the edge if I get unwell!

also looks like norovirus is contagious up to 48 hours after symptoms disappear so SC will definitely still be contagious while here.

what would you do in this situation? I’m planning to stay in my room, only use our toilet, disinfect anything in the kitchen before using it. Wash all sheets / blankets / towels after SC has left. No doubt my partner will catch it though.

Am I freaking out for no reason or is this a disaster waiting to happen? BM doesn’t know we are expecting (no one does as so early) but surely spreading a very contagious nasty bug to another household is not great, but I guess my partner still has parental responsibilities. I just feel I need to prioritise myself and baby at this time.

Personally I would ask your partner to speak to his ex and ask to swap days. If everyone in the other family is unwell then it seems silly to spread it to your house.
It’s entirely up to you to share your pregnancy news when you want to so don’t feel the need to share it just yet.

I would be worried about it, it’s not something you want to get whilst pregnant, but also is there really anything you can do about it seeing as they’re his child and he has them 50/50. You can’t ban them for their home.

I'd ask them to swap days because norovirus is HELL on the body for most people, never mind being pregnant with it. Even if you were not pregnant, I'd ask them not to come because it's nasty and spreading it around is horribly selfish.

Thanks all

looks like SC isn’t coming over tonight but will be here tomorrow (all day as off school) so has technically swapped days, but will still be contagious by the looks of things. We’ve already had to swap another day later this week as I’ve got my booking appointment (again really hoping I’m not unwell and miss this as they’ve said in the email I will not likely be able to rebook it!)

I am planning to be in the office tomorrow (although now my mind is spiralling that I may catch something on the train in as there’s so much going round!) and can hopefully just come straight to my bedroom when I get home. Then it will be operation disinfect the house on Thursday morning. Just praying my partner doesn’t catch it and then give it to me. Maybe I ask him to sleep on the sofa for a couple of nights!!

it’s so tricky between not wanting to be unreasonable / fussy but still trying to prioritise your & baby’s health :( especially when people don’t know yet

I don't think it's unreasonable for your DH to ask to swap days if possible - spreading norovirus to other houses is something most people would prefer to avoid.

However, if you're planning to have more than one kid, be aware that the first kid will unquestionably get ill at some point while you're pregnant with the second, because kids are little germbags. And then you will probably be looking after a sick kid in a very hands-on way whilst pregnant. It happens a lot. Just to put it in perspective.

I would tell them you're pregnant early abd tell him to stay home. They shouldn't be sending him anyway.

Congrats on the pregnancy!
I do get where you’re coming from, but I would say maybe consider the future too - if you have a child in nursery and are pregnant with another baby, nursery children bring home bugs all the time (including norovirus). You’d pretty much catch what they have too, so I don’t see how this is too different IYSWIM. Good luck with everything!

Even if you weren't pregnant I wouldn't want them spreading norovirus around. However I do understand that that will leave their mum doing all the time off work to look after them rather than that being split between both parents.

Hopefully by tomorrow they'll have stopped being sick. So it will be easier to prevent the spread with thorough hand washing etc.

Make sure you use bleach when cleaning the house. Bleach is the only thing that kills norovirus.

This. I had norovirus back in July and it’s nasty

You are not meant to go to work etc until 48 hours after the vomiting / diarrhoea has stopped

Look at it as if he was always there. Children get sick, you cope with it. Sensible to keep your distance from him, use a separate bathroom if you have more than one. But if you get pg with a second child and your first gets sick, you would have to deal with it within your household.

Your DH will 100% catch it. I would book myself into a hotel, norovirus at 8 weeks pregnant is pure hell.

You are not meant to go to work etc until 48 hours after the vomiting / diarrhoea has stopped

I know that - I didn't say otherwise?

I had norovirus at 8 weeks (my then 2 year old brought it home!) and it was horrific, much worse than the 3 times he brought it home when I wasn’t pregnant. If SC has to come then I’d stay somewhere else for a couple of days. It’s nothing against them but being pregnant you are already immune compromised and catching anything feels 10 times worse.

I think it's just one of the things. Its DPs child and the child lives half of the time with you. It's your unborn child's sibling. existing children cannot just be turfed out whenever they are ill. There will be more instances in pregnancy and no doubt, once the baby arrives. It's just part of the parcel of having children. I think yabu. sorry.

Absolutely this.

I've got three kids. Pregnancies with babies 2 & 3 were spent being ill most of the time alongside caring for sick toddlers. It was/is incredibly hard going.

Pregnancy 2 I had four D&V bugs so I absolutely don't think you are being unreasonable to try and avoid contracting it.

Just wanted to reassure you that the above scenario is pretty standard for most women in subsequent pregnancies!

I think you need to get things in perspective , as a pp said if you had another child of your own what would you do ? FWIW good hygiene practices do stop these viruses spreading . I have 2 adult children and used to be a nurse and can honestly say that we’ve never had a d&v bug that has spread round the household , despite individual family members catching them .

The fact you said it would be less easy to catch tomorrow, didn’t make me think that you did know that

Could you go and stay with anyone (do you have family local?) whilst DC are there, and then until you know if DH catches it or not?

Then he could deep clean everything before you come back?

My thinking is that his time with DC is really precious, but so is your pregnancy.

Alternatively could he tell his ex early that you are pregnant, and ask to have extra contact next week instead?

I realise she may also need to work but she might understand when she knows you’re pregnant.

I suppose it’s about fairness as much as anything else. If you and DP were to break up, would you think it fair to be the default parent taking time off work and dealing with illness every time your child was unwell because his new partner didn’t want a sick child in their house? Probably not - so it’s just as unfair to do this to SC’s mother, really.

Hope you don’t mind me saying this but either “baby Mum” or “birth Mum” are quite offensive ways to refer to your SDC’s mother - she’s their Mum! So I’d say either that, or his ex.

thank you! What about soft surfaces like carpets / sofas?

Meant birth mum, and I am step mum - didn’t realise it was offensive just a distinction between the two

I had HG until 16 weeks then caught norovirus. It was completely debilitating and set me back so much that I vomited for the rest of my pregnancy. Avoid at all costs!