Sick SC coming over, 8 weeks pregnant?

[97FTM]

Hi all,

just looking for a bit of advice and to know if I’m being unreasonable for feeling worried about this.

am expecting my first baby and currently 8 weeks pregnant. Partner has child from previous relationship 50% custody. There’s norovirus going round where we live and SC started throwing up last night. Was due to come over today but is now coming round this evening. SC is still vomiting this morning, and it’s clearly very contagious as multiple people in his extended family have also got the same bug from being together at the weekend.

I’m really worried about contracting this illness. I know a fever can be really dangerous while pregnant and I also feel constantly sick already but luckily not actually vomiting too much. I feel like this will tip me over the edge if I get unwell!

also looks like norovirus is contagious up to 48 hours after symptoms disappear so SC will definitely still be contagious while here.

what would you do in this situation? I’m planning to stay in my room, only use our toilet, disinfect anything in the kitchen before using it. Wash all sheets / blankets / towels after SC has left. No doubt my partner will catch it though.

Am I freaking out for no reason or is this a disaster waiting to happen? BM doesn’t know we are expecting (no one does as so early) but surely spreading a very contagious nasty bug to another household is not great, but I guess my partner still has parental responsibilities. I just feel I need to prioritise myself and baby at this time.

It might make you feel like shit but it won't harm the baby. So reasonable to try and avoid it if you want to but it isn't more dangerous because you're pregnant.

I'd fully agree with this for just about any other illness. Noro is just so awful and so contagious (a few months before covid hit the schools in our town were closed for deep cleaning it was so bad) that I think all bets are off in terms of trying to contain it. If he'd come down with it on his time with his dad I'd be saying he should stay there until he was at least 48 hours clear to try and spare the mum's house.

You would hope that the parents coparent amicably to the extent that they can give and take like this. If not, well then yes it's absolutely dad's job to look after him and if I were OP I'd consider staying elsewhere.

I wouldn't want SC coming over until they have been symptom free for 48h, could DH have a quiet word with his ex?

If it's non negotiable that they do come over then isolate yourself and use a separate bathroom, get DH to clean SC's room, bedding and bathroom after they have left. DH could also be infected so it would be a good idea for DH to sleep separately to you until you know if he's caught it or not

The problem is that your SC isn’t really ‘coming round’ they live with your DH (and therefore you ) for 50% of the time, so I’m not sure that rearranging the times when they are / aren’t at yours each time they are sick is really an appropriate way to handle things long term. Especially if this is only happening now that you are pregnant. SC will know doubt associate with this being pushed out of their house due to the new sibling.

Obviously it’s appropriate for a child to stay where they are if they are physically vomiting and to unwell to travel, but if it is just the contamination post sickness that you are worried about then is there not somewhere else l, such as a friend or family member, that you could go for 48 (or however long) to stay away?

If my child contracted norovirus at her dad’s, then that is where she would stay until recovered. 1) she’d be very ill and making her pack up and move houses because it’s “my time with her” is twat behaviour and 2) spreading norovirus between households is also twat behaviour.

Surely it should be common knowledge to keep a vomiting child at home! You aren’t being unreasonable at all.

1. Moving a sick DC between houses just because it's what the adults agreed months/years ago is selfish (unless theres an extremely good reason)
2. Unnecessarily exposing a pregnant woman to a nasty bug in her own home is also selfish.
3. Unnecessarily spreading Noro around is selfish.

If he's got 50/50 then the sick days should balance out. No "turfing" or "rejecting" or unfair "prioritising" or any other emotionally manipulative language necessary. Just common sense infection control.

We had this problem when I was 34 weeks pregnant, both SDC had Noro the day before Christmas Eve, they were due to come to us Christmas Eve for the holidays, exDH’s ex kindly changed her plans for Christmas and kept the kids with her until the day after Boxing Day, the pair of them didn’t want to move off the sofa anyway and it didn’t spread to our household. If the SDC had become poorly while at ours I would have moved out and exH would have cared for them. It’s senseless to spread such a nasty illness.

It is offensive to call a mother a birth mum or a biological mum because these terms describe someone who only gave birth and did not nurture and raise the child/ren.

A mother is the woman who nurtures and raises the child/ren whether they gave birth or adopted the child/ren.

And there is nothing wrong with being a birth mum. But it is not ok to completely erase the role of nurturing, caring for and raising children from a mother. It would also be equally wrong to refer to a father as biological father. For the exact same reasons. A biological father is someone who fathered children but didn’t nurture or raise them.

However, I have never come across a thread where a step parent referred to the step child’s dad as ‘bio dad.’

FWIW, I don’t think yabu to want step child to remain in the home they became ill in until they are no longer contagious as long as it goes both ways. With 50/50 both mum and dad’s homes are the step child’s home. So, if they became sick with noro virus at their dad’s then it should be the same option for them to stay until no longer contagious.

They might not know what virus it is, different viruses and infections have different profiles. But the worse. It can stay on surfaces for days and yes that could include anything they have touched unless they are am expert level hand washer. Noro is also airborne so if someone is sick you can still get it even if your hygiene is amazing.

Have you got family nearby? I'd see if you could stay with them for a few days, and get your husband to air out the house ans bleach all the surfaces (light switch, tv remote, handles etc). Or better still go and look after the child at their house in the day

Exactly this! I always find it so strange when I see step mums referring to their partners ex as the ‘bio’ or ‘birth’ mum, rather than mum. It almost seems to imply that when there is a step mum around the mum somehow also needs a prefix to their title.

I honestly can’t imagine my DP (who is not my DCs dad) referring to my ex H as my DCs ‘bio’ dad, rather than ‘dad’.

Thank you! I’ve ordered a load of extra cleaning stuff so I am prepared

I think she does want to come she is used to coming here very frequently.

and yes point taken on my partner being there thanks! It’s more so to drive me to / from as I’m struggling in the car at the moment due to nausea

Could you not go stay elsewhere for a few days? Family, friends or a hotel?

Unfortunately I haven’t got any friends / family close by and need to stay local due to hosp appt on Thursday. I suppose I could look into a hotel but I think staying in my room with separate bathroom should hopefully do the trick.

Disinfecting things and leaving the direct care to your dp are good ideas, but unfortunately dc get sick, and your sc lives with you.

If you're thinking you'd like to exclude your sick sc from her home, that would obviously be unreasonable.

I don't understand why you're being suggested to move out of your own house where you reside 100% of the time so that a contagious child can be there instead. To me that's just bonkers. It's not unreasonable for her to stay with her mother while she is contagious especially as she probably feels very unwell. It's her mother's house after all. I assume it can be explained to her that this is basic infection control so that more people aren't unwell unnecessarily. I don't see how it's different to not attending school- will she also feel excluded because she can't see her friends until she's 48 hours clear? No!
She can make up the time when she is better. As others have said it's 50:50 care and I'm sure this situation will repeat on dad's time at some point and mum will be pleased to not be exposed to illness.

As you are pregnant and will be going to hospital or medical waiting rooms for your midwife, I guarantee you will come into contact on multiple occasions with people who have noro or places they have touched.

The other thing is that if you all catch norovirus there’s also the possibility of you reinfecting step child when they come back to you. The first time my son caught norovirus he got it again within a day of being back at nursery. Apparently there’s virtually no immunity from catching norovirus so you can just get reinfected over and over again. I did an awful lot of steam cleaning! (The doctor told me about the carpets so I think there’s some truth in it. Most of our floors were wood but any carpet got blasted with the steamer too)

Whilst I know you are worrying but remember if it was your toddler and you were pregnant you would have to care for them sick. Wash hands a lot, it's not inevitable to catch it, I've never caught it from my dc

Pregnant or not, I’d not want anyone in my house who was being sick! His mum should keep him at home until it’s at least 48 hours after the last time he vomits. What’s wrong with people?! FFS!

It would be better if he didn't come, but obviously that has to take into account other people's needs as well. I don't think you're unreasonable to be concerned. However, if he were you and your partner's child, I don't think you'd be kicking him out. Like thousands, possibly millions, of people have more than one child. I never heard of ANY pregnant mum kicking their full child out because they are ill, and I've also never heard of ANY pregnant mum's or unborn kids being extremely ill or dying because an older child has brought home sickness.

DCs Dad & I have been separated 10 years so have had quite a few instances of one or another DC ill when they were due to go to his (i'm resident parent) or come back to me - whenever that's happened DC has just stayed put, partly to avoid spreading lurgies to both households but mainly to avoid dragging a poorly DC out and about.

fwiw i think the comparison with what might happen if you have future pregnancies/young dcs is unhelpful - that's not the situation at the moment, it's very early in your pregnancy so it's understandable you want to avoid catching something debilitating and crucially DSC does have somewhere else they can stay. I think this is one of those times parents need to be flexible.