Sick SC coming over, 8 weeks pregnant?

[97FTM]

Hi all,

just looking for a bit of advice and to know if I’m being unreasonable for feeling worried about this.

am expecting my first baby and currently 8 weeks pregnant. Partner has child from previous relationship 50% custody. There’s norovirus going round where we live and SC started throwing up last night. Was due to come over today but is now coming round this evening. SC is still vomiting this morning, and it’s clearly very contagious as multiple people in his extended family have also got the same bug from being together at the weekend.

I’m really worried about contracting this illness. I know a fever can be really dangerous while pregnant and I also feel constantly sick already but luckily not actually vomiting too much. I feel like this will tip me over the edge if I get unwell!

also looks like norovirus is contagious up to 48 hours after symptoms disappear so SC will definitely still be contagious while here.

what would you do in this situation? I’m planning to stay in my room, only use our toilet, disinfect anything in the kitchen before using it. Wash all sheets / blankets / towels after SC has left. No doubt my partner will catch it though.

Am I freaking out for no reason or is this a disaster waiting to happen? BM doesn’t know we are expecting (no one does as so early) but surely spreading a very contagious nasty bug to another household is not great, but I guess my partner still has parental responsibilities. I just feel I need to prioritise myself and baby at this time.

The fact you said it would be less easy to catch tomorrow, didn’t make me think that you did know that

Well it is obviously less easy to catch once the vomiting has stopped, because the vomiting spreads the virus massively.
Norovirus continues to be present in vomit and poo for 2 weeks after symptoms stop. That's why hand washing is so important. The 48 hours after symptoms stop is when you're more contagious than for the rest of the two weeks, but it's still harder to catch than from someone actively vomiting.

I always keep my child off school for the full 48 hours and really dislike people who don't.

Ask your partner to speak to his ex about keeping SC where they are. Even aside from the risk of spreading, it can’t be nice for an ill child to be moved around. See them later in the week once they are better and go to the booking appointment on your own. It’s very mundane, going through your medical history and making sure you’re taking folic acid etc. No need for your partner to be there.

If they do come over, try to contain them to one room, bedroom and bathroom so you have less to disinfect afterwards. And ask your partner to do that since he will have already been exposed.

thank you! What about soft surfaces like carpets / sofas?

When my DC are sick, I go for lots of towels and throws (over the sofas, beds, floor next to them) that can then be washed on a hot wash. Much easier to disinfect than sofas/large rugs/carpets.

Is anyone thinking of the stepchild and whether they want to swap houses in the middle of feeling ill? When my ss was poorly he would stay at whichever house he was at until he was well again, poorly kids don’t tend to want to pack bags and jump in a car they want to lie in bed 😕

I would say she’s his Mum, not birth Mum.

Birth Mum is more where the child has been adopted.

My children have a step Mum who I get on with, and I’m really not precious about having this two households dynamic, but I wouldn’t be happy if anyone referred to me as the children’s birth Mum. I’m their Mum!

I wouldn’t be the sort to get upset if they bought her (or anyone else) a Mother’s Day present or something, actively want them to have a good relationship with her, so I’m really not precious at all.

This is true too. I try not to move my children about when they’re properly ill (as opposed to a cold or something). I’ve often kept them here extra when they’ve been ill- but happy to offer another day if exh and the kids want that.

If your boyfriend will also prioritise you over his child, then ask for the visit to be delayed. But think first how you would feel as the child's mum, all she will know is you don't want to risk getting norovirus as a fully capable and functioning adult, as you're keeping the pregnancy from her.

This, it's highly contagious and could make you very ill. This is one situation that insisting contact be swapped wouldn't be UR.

Personally I would stay away, elsewhere if I could so not to be in the same house as someone who is contagious and then make DH sleep apart for a few days. Use work as an excuse or a friend needs support or something.
But I'm OTT with pregnancy and sickness due to personal reasons anyway so probably on the extreme end!

Failing being able to do the above, I was stay away from DSS (I also would do this with my own children if they were sick and I was pregnant) then clean the hell out of everything afterwards.

@97FTM OP, you could still catch a bug when you are out & about. I have 2 children and have always kept them quarantined to their room. Explained to them why & made it fun for them. That way germs are always contained to the 1 room and nobody else gets ill. Use anti bacterial wipes to clean down handles etc the parent who is looking after the child may have touched.

Wear a face mask & encourage DP’s dc to wear one if you can. Makes them understand that it stops everyone getting ill.

This is the same for anyone in the family apart from when I am ill & everyone wants to look after me or annoy me as I call it!

It’s not a given that you will catch it as we find in our household usually it’s only one or two that go down with it.

Having children will bugs around is the reality to being a parent and stepparent. You also can’t really expect a parent to not look after their children because the children are ill. Unfortunately that’s just not how it works. So whilst your plan to stay away and disinfect is fine, your DH will also have to make sure he is on top of the children washing properly and the house staying the clean.

That’s fair enough. I have 0 relationship with her (her decision not mine) but no animosity. I wouldn’t use the term birth mum in general day to day convo was just distinguishing for the purpose of this post

Cleaning carpet post norovirus

It can live in your carpet for 28 days (I didn't know that until now 😫)

Sorry if this is a really stupid question but I just don’t know too much about this illness!

say SC comes over tomorrow after symptoms have stopped but is still ‘contagious’ does this mean norovirus could be present on any surfaces SC touches? Eg the sofa even if there’s no vomit on it? Or do we just need to be careful about not sharing cups, utensils etc?

Oh gosh, is that just if someone is sick on the carpet?

The pregnancy is kind of irrelevant really. Noro is awful and it makes no sense to spread it to another household, regardless of who lives there.

I had noro in the first trimester on DC2 thanks to DC1 - no harm done. These things do happen, and as others have said if you have another then your first will be bringing all sorts home. YWBU to expect the DSC not to come with other illnesses.

But all bets are off with noro, batten down the hatches and reduce the spread as much as possible.

It depends on the relationship between you / dp and the mum. If you have a good relationship and you do swap days and are generally flexible then it’s not unreasonable to ask.

But if it becomes a pattern of you not wanting your sc over during your pregnancy/ after you give birth then that’s unreasonable. Your sc might go through feelings of being unwanted so there’s a point where you need to make sure they are not dropped every time they’re ill.

I totally get why you're worried. But this is your DH's DC, and he can't leave it to ex to do all sick days. In the same way I'm sure that you wouldnt offer to hold onto SC and your DH take all the time off work if DC became sick whilst with you. Could you stay elsewhere maybe? As PPs have said, it is normal to be exposed to some sickness whilst pregnant.

I think it's in the carpets full stop when someone catches it, and they inevitably end up touching the carpet, vomit the worst way to touch it obviously.

I use Sterizer for Norovirus.

Also Clinell (wipes not sure about the spray) are meant to kill Noro.

But that's besides the point. Does the child even want to come? The day/s after Noro usually leaves you feeling pretty grim. What is usually done when the child is poorly?

Sadly it's a fact of life that your step child is going to contract bugs. It's winter so there'll be plenty going around. You can't ban them every time they are ill.

There isn't much need for dad to be at booking appointment so is it an option to swap back to having child that day instead and that then negates having the DC when they may still be contagious?

I think that it’s not unreasonable to expect your DH to do his share of the rubbish parental load that includes dealing with norovirus, days off school etc but I would absolutely if I were you try and avoid catching a vomiting bug at this stage of pregnancy. It’s not ideal!

This link is a carpet cleaning company who want you to purchase their services post Noro outbreak.

I'd take this article with a pinch of salt.

how would you feel if the mother expects you and DH to have DSC whenever they are ill? You wouldn't be happy. swings both ways. It's DH's child and he cannot just opt out of parenting just because the child is ill. getting on with it is just part of being a blended family

If you make a big deal about this now then when your baby is at peak germy stage the child’s mum could equally as rightly have a go at you / your child when hers catches stuff from yours.

In any case Norovirus does not cause miscarriages if it did India wouldn’t have it’s the highest birthrates amongst the poorest of it’s population (most without access to toilets even). NHS advice for pregnant women who catch it is to rest, keep good hygiene and drink lots of water. So don’t stress

I’m surprised at these responses. If he has 50% custody, then the sick child is just as much his responsibility, pregnant new wife or not. If it were your own child and not a SC there would be nothing you could do about it so it should be the same for a SC. But if your H and his ex are both happy about it then each to their own I guess.