Baby shower guests

[dec20]

My sisters planning my baby shower and has asked me who I'd like to invite.

My fiancés friend has had a girlfriend now for almost a year. I've met her a handful of times and not the biggest fan. Every time I've seen her she's never asked how I am, and I always find it difficult to make conversation with her. I feel a bit pressured to invite her as my best friend invited the friends girlfriend to hers.

What would you do?

Thank you everyone who left lovely comments and weren't judgemental pricks. I really appreciate it!

How miserable is your life to be putting someone down about wanting to celebrate even if it is the smallest thing. The internet can be a pretty rubbish place and half of you miserable lot have shown that.

I wouldn't have a baby shower but if I did, I'd only invite closest friends and family. Maximum ten people. The thought of inviting a boyfriend's mate's girlfriend is ludicrous to me.

MN is a very weird judgemental place, some really strange people here!

Definitely wouldn't invite her.
She's not your friend.
Stop asking questions of her either.
Practice and learn to sit in silence.
It is a marvellous skill to have and use with people who make no effort, ask no questions etc. Just let the silence hang there.
Most liberating.

It is in aibu, not the parenting forum.
Thus, differing opinions will be proffered. Just because you don't like a contrary view to one's own does not make the other person a judgemental prick; that attitude reflects more on you.
Best of luck with your shower, be that with guests you want or not, and your baby

If you are inviting other partners from same friendship group i would feel obliged to invite her otherwise don't.

Enjoy your baby shower, i dont know why people are so opinionated on baby showers. If they dont like then dont have or attend one. No need to look down on anyone else who has one though.

I’d go with this - she can’t complain if it’s a small number of close family and friends.

You might need to make that point to your DH in case he gets any grief from his mate.

I think you are completely overthinking the occasion.
Most people on the guest list won't want to go but will not hurt your feelings by refusing the invite to a pointless party.
Most will not want to play stupid games and eat "themed food " and buy gifts they probably can't afford.
So adding one more reluctant person,won't really matter.

Her aibu was about a particular guest, people replied calling baby showers tacky. That's judgemental, and pricks.

Just don't invite her. Your baby shower is about you and your baby so why would you invite someone you don't really know or get on with.

Don't include her OP. You can't like everyone and if you don't enjoy her company that's fair enough.

I personally love baby showers, I have no problem at all giving my loved ones a gift to mark a special occasion. Plus there is usually a wee buffet and prosecco... what's not to love!

Genuine question to other posters though, why do people on mumsnet seem to hate weddings, birthdays and baby showers etc? Celebrating good things happening in your loved ones life is surely a nice thing?? I don't understand the hatred for it and the faux martyrdom of birthdays like "oh I'm 45 not 5 so no one needs to even say happy birthday to me, just get me a card from the pound shop".
Why?? What's wrong with being spoiled and the centre of attention for a day?

Don't feel pressured to invite anybody you don't like. Don't also overthink it. Just give your sharer a list of babes of your mates/relatives you want there and that's it. Have fun!

@Threetrees745 I can't get my head around it. It's not like that in real life at all. But on here people are so strange and bitter. Just because baby showers might not have been.a thong when they had babies. I mean they weren't a thing when I had mine, but jeez why would I begrudge anyone a baby shower. I've been to plenty and enjoyed every one of them with friends and family. I think these bitter people have no friends maybe, don't like to go out, can't understand people who have friends and like to socialise.

congrats on your pregnancy OP! And please ignore the horrible people being so unnecessarily rude. The irony of them talking about tackiness and class!

not that it matters, but I’m in a very posh friendship group through some uni friends and every single woman has had a baby shower. Even (gasp) the daughter of a lord! They have all been really lovely events, organised by mum or sister of the mum to be, or the best friends if that’s not possible. Some smaller, some bigger, depending on the size of the family and friendship group.

do the rude people on here even like their friends?! Why would you not want to shower your expectant close friends and family members with love and support in the run up to a birth? I’ve rarely seen expensive gifts at these events (and then only from very rich people who wouldn’t consider the cost to be an issue). It’s usually things like a pregnancy-specific bubble bath, a post-natal skin cream, maybe a teddy or book for the baby. Hardly an issue for someone you love! The more arty people tend to decorate a photo frame or stitch a picture or cushion cover for the baby’s room - just lovely.

my friend has just announced her pregnancy and I’m already looking forward to the women-only get together, which are getting rare these days now we all have children. I’ll probably buy her a photo album as I know I forgot to get pictures of my first baby printed and then it took over a year to sort out the album etc as I was just so tired!

As for your current issue OP, please don’t invite anyone you don’t like. It’s meant to be a special day for you, to remind you who is in your “village”. This woman clearly isn’t. Just keep it small and then she can’t complain. If there are any complaints just look confused and say “oh it was only for close friends and family who will play a central role in the baby’s life!”

It depends on their set up though. By the time we were having babies most of our socialising was done as couples with the group that was technically "DH's friends". But if I'd been having a baby shower I would've been inviting the women in the group as they were my friends too and leaving out one girlfriend would've been very pointed.

Ime baby showers are for a small group of close friends - mainly because there’s a gift involved. So only the people you are very close to and would buy a gift come along.

So not inviting secondary friends and girlfriends of friends would be perfectly normal.

This.

If you're not mature enough to figure this out for yourself, you'll need to grow up fast when your baby comes, as they need you to make good choices for them and often to advocate for them and yourself (especially given the state of the NHS these days).

That was a bit nasty. Why did you say that?

Why do people feel the need to be so obnoxious! As if you've just made a question about a guest turn into advocating for your child and bringing the state of the NHS into it. Literally ONLY on MN would you get batshit answers like this.

@Threetrees745 I don't see it as nasty, I see it as forewarning advice - wishy washy people pleasing and inability to make decisions over such simple issues won't cut it if you have a child with needs of any sort.

And? That's fine but not what OP asked.

For what it's worth, I wouldn't have a gender reveal but did have a baby shower for my first baby. It was a lovely chance for DH and I to celebrate with family and friends.

@Lazzylegs that's your opinion. I can extrapolate if you can't.
I see a naive (quite young?) first time mum who needs to learn fast. If she doesn't have the confidence to decide something as simple as who is coming to her baby shower, she'll need more confidence to deal with midwives, doctors, then nurseries, then school. Baby will be here soon and it all starts. Worth mentioning as I know pre birth a lot of us have very "rose tinted" views of how things will go. Just MY opinion.

Nonsense. You saw an opportunity to get a dig in and you went for it.
I hope you enjoyed it but to dress it up as well meaning advice is disingenuous

Queue second post “Everyone turned up empty handed to my baby shower!!”

I would cancel the baby shower. Yes, I find them irksome and tacky and I would not go to a babyshower if invited. But most people are so polite they will feel obliged to attend and buy gifts they can't really afford. I just don't get it. If you want to have a gathering with your friends, invite them for coffee and cake but don't call it a babyshower just in order to get gifts.