Baby shower guests

[dec20]

My sisters planning my baby shower and has asked me who I'd like to invite.

My fiancés friend has had a girlfriend now for almost a year. I've met her a handful of times and not the biggest fan. Every time I've seen her she's never asked how I am, and I always find it difficult to make conversation with her. I feel a bit pressured to invite her as my best friend invited the friends girlfriend to hers.

What would you do?

Don’t invite her. The vast majority of people loathe baby showers, so she’d more than likely be happy to be excluded.

You say you feel pressured to invite her, who is doing that?

"It's not about gifts to me, it's about spending time with all my loved ones to celebrate baby and having a nice time"

Right. Apart from the "shower" bit which means everyone feels obliged to bring gifts even if you claim not to want them.

Are they actually still a thing?

Don't invite her. It's weird to think you need to invite the partner of anyone your partner is friends with. Your best friends relationship is separate to the situation.

Not what she asked. Your comment was tacky ‘I’m so superior for not having one’. Loser

I agree x

I never had one but I have been to lots and they're lovely celebrations. As you've said OP they're usually more about being showered with love and happiness of a new baby on the way, even if the name originally was about being showered with gifts. I wouldn't invite her if you aren't friends with her yourself. And I wouldn't feel guilty for that. This is your experience and your joy so share it only with the ones who matter most to you. Congratulations

I thought they were supposed to be a surprise? If so its easy to get away with not inviting her.

Don't have the baby shower. Then you don't need to worry.
They are a naff American import anyway

Thank you on behalf of all like-minded people!

No it isn't, its tacky and grabby, look at me I am pregnant.

Just say no, I don't want one, problem solved.

Oh God, you’ve just reminded me that my niece is pregnant (again) … so another excruciatingly awful baby shower.

Yes it is about gifts, no matter how you dress it up, its about gifts.

Mumsnet is full of killjoys so just ignore the boring naysayers.

A baby shower is a pretty intimate celebration. So I only invited my closest friends/family. I'd not invite her and if anything was said just say you were keeping it small.

And you are so classy…. 🙄

It's not just about gifts that is a very small part of it. But I loved buying gifts for my close friends for their babyshowers. Because they're my friends and I like them! I would have bought them a gift if there was a baby shower or not.

🙄 well you've learned never to mention baby showers on MN OP!

I think you're fine to have a different guest list to your friend, but if other girlfriends from the same friendship group are coming then I'd invite her. If that's a group you'll be able to avoid her and it's not worth the fallout in the group from excluding one person.

What makes it excruciating awful. And if you don't enjoy it - why not just don't go?

Nope. That's called a Christening. Or a Naming Ceremony. Or a 1st birthday. Baby showers are not for the baby. They're for the Mum.

Yes, all you naysayers, don't be mean
After all, people have only been reproducing for abot 4000 years, so we still need to shower them with love and presents. Make them feel like they've done something equivalent to climing Everest backwards in carpet slippers
Do get a grip...

I still don't understand why you feel the need to invite this woman just because your friend previously invited her to her own event. That's daft. I've been to weddings, birthday parties, loads of events were people have invited people I vaguely know or don't particularly like. But I never felt any obligation to invite them to my own event. Don't invite her and don't feel a shred of guilt about it.

I think it's nice to give an expectant mother a pleasant afternoon with her friends before the baby comes. My friendship group is far away and we all have kids now but before each baby we met up, just us, no husbands, no kids and had a meal to send the pregnant one on her way with a bit of love. You're right that it absolutely is about the mum and not the baby, and I don't see why anyone would have a problem with that.

A bigger baby shower wouldn't be for me but I can see why others enjoy them. I suspect if it were a custom imported from France it would be tres chic but obviously on MN anything remotely associated with the US must be hated.

Sue the charm school