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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have failed miserably at making mum friends?

56 replies

oopslinethrough · 23/09/2024 10:29

And I feel really bad about it. I’ve been to the groups but people seem busy or I’m not their sort of person or something … my DS wants a party but I don’t know who to invite!

My friends from a previous life have older children so I do feel very isolated and a bit down about it. Is it just me?

OP posts:

KingOfPeace · 23/09/2024 10:34

How old is DS? Old enough to join a club where he is taken off your hands but you have to stay and therefore have no choice but to socialise? Think swimming, martial arts, football, etc. I find these situations are better, you have time for a proper conversation and aren't distracted by kids all the time.

Party wise the idea is to invite pretty much everyone you have ever met when they're little. People need something to do with the kids and a party is a cheap and easy option .

Original poster

oopslinethrough · 23/09/2024 10:37

He will turn 4 at the end of the year. We do one activity but it’s very much dad based (rugby) - they are really nice but not quite the same!

OP posts:

FeedingThem · 23/09/2024 10:38

Is he in nursery op?

Original poster

oopslinethrough · 23/09/2024 10:43

He is but I never see other parents - occasionally at drop off and pick up but it’s always rushed no time to chat. I regret sending him to nursery close to where I work. It’s only 10 mins away but it means he’s unlikely to be going to school with anyone there.

OP posts:

Oganesson118 · 23/09/2024 10:46

You don’t need to be friends with the mum’s to invite kids to a party surely? When my daughter was at nursery, I asked for a list of the kids (first) names and sent paper invitations in.

SonicTheHodgeheg · 23/09/2024 10:51

As he’s at nursery, can’t you invite kids from there?

peachgreen · 23/09/2024 10:52

I didn't make proper mum friends until DD was at school and I was doing drop off and pick up every day. It takes a while!

Glasscabinet · 23/09/2024 10:53

How far is the nursery from your home (you said it’s near your work)?

Who does your son like? Does he like your friends kids? just because they’re older you could still invite them?

Three kids and it’s a party. It doesn’t need to be 15 kids in the local soft play to make it a fun party.

What does your son like doing? If he loves rugby could you take him to a proper game with a grandparents coming over afterwards for cake?

NerrSnerr · 23/09/2024 10:54

Ask him who his friends are at nursery and invite them. Or if you know how many are in his group send that many invitations without names on for everyone.

abcdmyusername · 23/09/2024 10:56

You can invite friends from nursery - you can ask the staff members for help with it. I too have struggled but since my little boy has started school it's opened up a lot more, you will get there and before you know it you'll be going to lots of birthday parties, play dates etc x

Gettoachiro · 23/09/2024 10:56

Yup as others have said, just send invites to his nursery group. We've had a few invites even though our little girl only goes to nursery once a week and we had never met any of the parents. We will do similar in the future too

Freshflower · 23/09/2024 10:58

I get on with the parents who's children are friends with my child but I wouldn't say I was friends with them and I still invite them to parties , outings etc. You don't need to be friends, being civil is enough. The more civil you are with someone and invite people , it might turn into a friendship

YaCannyKickYaGrannyInTheShin · 23/09/2024 11:00

If it's mum friends you're after, why not just send the birthday invitations?

They're a bit young to drop and run, so make it clear parents are invited to stay.

Smartiepants79 · 23/09/2024 11:04

Just get a list of kids from his nursery and invite them. Some will come!
It will get easier next year when he is at school with a clear set of friends.
’Mum’ friends are not always a thing and very often only really exist for as long as your kids spend time together!

birthdaymom · 23/09/2024 11:05

Ask the nursery for a list of names of children DS plays with so you can write invites, or just hand them in blank and ask the nursery to hand them out to parents. You don't have to be friends with their parents to invite them.
My friend had the same issue with her DS going to nursery near her work, she wrote out a little note with her number on asking if anyone would be interested in a play date and asked the nursery workers to pop them in DS's classmates bags, she got loads of replies and has made lots of friends that way. Her DS is now in school and they all still keep in contact out with

Noshowlomo · 23/09/2024 11:07

My son is 5.5. I don’t have any mum friends and that’s fine.
I am friendly with my sons friends mothers but we aren’t friends. For invites just put them in your child’s bag or if there is a Facebook group etc.
With my sons friends we do message on messenger now and again to arrange meet ups but again, other than that we don’t speak.

Birdingbear · 23/09/2024 11:30

I had the same issue as you.

Instead I took my kid to centre parcs monday-friday. It cost me 299.00 cause it was winter and term time and then We booked activities on top of this. We had the absoloute best time!

Personally I'd book some days away with your kid. He's 4, and schools can't fine you. There's plenty time for parties when he starts school and makes friends and school becomes an issue to take him out.

Not sure when your child's birthday is hut I would recommend centre parcs but even for 49.00....butlins! Haven holidays are usually round 80-100.

A birthday party could actually cost more.

Drivingoverlemons · 23/09/2024 11:34

I would agree with saving an expensive party til school and going to Centreparcs while you can go there for a reasonable amount of money. Ask him who his friends are at nursery and invite three people for a tea party sending invites through nursery. Two hours max.

You will get to know people when he goes to school OP. I found this really hard too.

MrsGalloway · 23/09/2024 11:57

I was in the same position as you OP when my oldest turned 4. I did do a soft play party and asked the nursery staff to distribute invites. It was lovely (but expensive) and nice to finally meet the other parents but then the children all went off to different schools so we didn’t really see each other again.

With my second I didn’t do any parties when he was at nursery but hired a hall and did a whole class party in reception instead which was a really good way to meet people. We did sandwiches crisps cake etc, tea and coffee for the parents, hired a bouncy castle and we weren’t constrained by numbers so I was able to say feel free to bring siblings if you need to.

I think it’s really hard to make mum friends when they’re at nursery. I found it loads easier once they were at school even though I only did a couple of pick ups and drop offs a week.

Original poster

oopslinethrough · 23/09/2024 12:01

I know in theory I could invite the kids from nursery but then that could be around fifty kids! Some wouldn’t come I know but the logistics have potential to be a nightmare especially as I’m sure a lot wouldn’t RSVP.

OP posts:

SonicTheHodgeheg · 23/09/2024 12:04

Fifty 4ish year olds would be a lot. I’d ask the nursery for the names of say 10 kids (if 10 is within budget) who ds played with.

Didimum · 23/09/2024 12:24

I haven't made any mum friends either, OP, and I do feel a bit glum about it sometimes and have largely given up (my kids are almost 7yrs old). I have noticed that working mums (especially full time) are often the ones in this position, and that's the case for me too. I thought working mums were very common these days, but my children have been at three schools now and I am always the odd one out, and it seems, on the face of it, that I get easily dismissed and ignored because of it.

I find that the few mums I do talk to seem to be only able to talk about their children, and I struggle to find common ground in talking about anything else, and I get pretty bored talking about kids, kids, kids. I am not saying that are wrong to want to talk about kids so much if that's what they enjoy talking about, but it's not the kind of friendship I'm looking for and seems rare to find at the school gates.

Lazzylegs · 23/09/2024 12:26

Honestly I'd hold off doing a party until he's settled in school with his class mates. He won't care at his age anyway, do a little home party with family.

Rerrin · 23/09/2024 12:30

Lazzylegs · 23/09/2024 12:26

Honestly I'd hold off doing a party until he's settled in school with his class mates. He won't care at his age anyway, do a little home party with family.

Exactly this. DS had his first non-family birthday in Reception. I think we went to Drayton Manor or somewhere when he turned four.

And I n er knew any of the other parents even then — work meant DS went to wraparound care so I only did the school run once a week or so. It never hampered DS’s social life. I invited kids to play dates and parties via WhatsApp, regardless of whether or not I’d ever laid eyes on the parents..

Original poster

oopslinethrough · 23/09/2024 13:08

He does really want a party - he has one last year and loved it.

OP posts:

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