Asking sister to move out

[Gardenfairy678]

Hi all

So basic summary I'm in 30s moved out with kids I work have a busy life, my sister is 22 lives with parents still, is at uni works part time, doesnt pay rent or contribute to house in anyway, Including cleaning.. does nothing. Gets her food paid for, phone, everything. My mum wraps her in cotton wall, my dad is more stern will ask her to do chores or not play music so loud etc, she has serious attitude issues, screams if she can't get her own way, slams doors, smashed her TV, has her partners stay round, argues screams with them, she has reckless and aggressive behaviour she has physically attacked me twice when in an argument. My mum is never on the same side as my dad with the parenting so if he gets annoyed at her, my mum gets annoyed at him. So my sister thinks she can get away with everything basically, she's basically like a tornado ripping through the house, my other siblings who live there can't stand her. Anyway my dad wants her to leave he said she can get a flat share or something I am of same opinion, I think she needs to experience things for herself a bit to realize how lucky she actually is?!? I know 22 is young but not when your being an actual brat and tearing the family apart which it is. If I call her out on her behaviour mum doesn't then talk to me! I've tried a gentle chat etc doesn't work she screams slams doors and all the rest ..we are all exhausted with it to be honest.

Not your circus, not your monkeys.

Don’t get involved.

Done in one

Nothing’s going to happen because of your mum’s opinion on this. I would leave it alone and tell your dad to work on your mum.

Youve moved out, so it’s not surprising that your mum get annoyed with you when you interfere and cause even more drama. This is for your parents to deal with in their own way.

I agree with your dad and all very well people saying not her circus, but no doubt she gets dragged into all of this. This 22yr old child is a spoilt brat and sounds like the mum has made her that way. Go dad, let her get a taste of the real world where she doesn’t get her own way or screams as that will get her no where

Not your problem and not your place to get involved, especially as you don't live there.

Until your parents agree to agree and coordinate their approach nothing is going to happen.
But as others have said you have left home so not your circus.
I agree 22 is not young my DD is 20 in her third year at uni, working part time, living in her own flat, running her own life. But I taught her to be independent gave her life skills so she could do this.

Isn't your life busy enough without involving yourself in this? I know it seems popular on here for poster's to involve themselves in what is none of thir business but there is no need unless you are attracted to drama?

This is on your parents to deal with. If you fall out with sister when you visit them, invite parents to yours instead. Are your siblings who live there younger than her? You could offer them to visit you as a respite when they need to and encourage them to move out when they are able.
You won't "win" coming in between whatever complex triad is between your mum, dad and sister so don't try.
If they want to vent to you, just nod and agree "yes well she is old enough to move out mum & dad" and change the subject.

22 isn't young. I left home to go travelling at 22, never went home other than holidays and lived in another country permanently from then onwards.

Not the case. I get dragged into it... My dad calls me up when she errupts because my mum just keeps quiet. He is getting really stressed out because of it and needs to talk to someone about it.

I get people saying ' you don't live there etc' but I visit there during the week and get told about it and witness it for myself.... They are also family so it's upsetting to witness what it's doing to everyone else living there, Its very hard to ignore or keep quiet about it.

They are younger yes and one is autistic

Not your problem...your parents need to deal with this

its not your place to decide/ ask your sister this. You are free to share your opinion if asked by your parents what you think. Thats the end of it.

Agree that your parents need to deal with it.

What year is she in at uni? At 22 is she in her final year?

This is a problem of how to parent a (granted now adult) child. This is a disagreement between a married couple. For future reference OP, never put yourself in the middle of a married couple’s disagreement, even if you are related to that married couple.

stop going around, invite your mum to you and say it’s because you think your sisters behaviour isn’t acceptable to expose your dcs to. Step away from it.

I don't agree with everyone saying it's not your problem. If you can help, then it makes sense to me that you help the people you love who are being impacted by your sister.

I get that you get dragged into it but there is still nothing you can do. Unless you're going to put a lot of effort into helping her get set up somewhere else but I doubt you want to do that

That's my stance on it to, I look at it this way, me just listening and not saying anything hasn't exactly improved the situation... When I have confronted her she has screamed and attacked me because she can't see how she is possibly wrong about anything

Is your sister autistic? It's quite unusual for only one sibling to be so.

Think how you would feel being in your mother's shoes, I would be really pissed off having one of my children butting their head in if they no longer lived at home, granted your father shouldn't be off loading to you either but you need to step back.

No not with my own children I haven't

Not for you to be involved. Your Mum is the problem here.