Staying at the dinner table until everyone has finished

[ForkingKnivesAndSpoons]

For normal everyday family dinners at your house, does everyone just leave the table once they've finished? And I'm not talking about expecting others to wait for extra slow eaters, I mean when the "slow" person (me) takes a total of 10-15 mins to eat their dinner?

YABU - Yes it's normal for the slowest eater to be left sitting alone at the table
YANBU - It's rude to up and leave them there alone

Oh I just posted about eating in seperate places, glad I'm not alone on this 😂

Are you a family of piranha fish?!

Surely 10 minutes for dinner is speed eating for a human?!

This reminds me of ex in laws… used to drive me crazy!

We wait until the last one is done however we sit round our kitchen island and if ds is still sat gnawing on bones one of us will start loading the dishwasher but all still together and chatting.
Family dinners are really important to us, the act of sitting together and sharing a meal and having general chat is the focus of the evening.
Obviously there are some exceptions like if someone is going out after dinner or feeling unwell or whatever, it’s not a hard and fast rule but it’s our norm.

Oh, we are heathens! I cook, everyone comes down when they can be arsed after I text the family WhatsApp (or not in the case of fussy DH), I've often nearly finished by the time slow to come down DD gets there and we all leave pretty much when we're finished. Music on for the whole meal because of DSs disgusting habits of chewing with mouth open. I sometimes clean around DD to keep her company while she finishes hers.
Reckon I need to up my standards 😂

It's an arbitrary rule. Why is it rude?

Just like putting your elbows on the table. Why is that rude?

It feels rude to me, because it makes it seem like a purely functional activity, and that people don't want to socialise with their family... And like "I'm only here for the food". Just seems odd to me, and rude.

Elbows on table, I can't get worked up about.

Dinner:

We all wait until everyone is served and we eat together.

We all stay at the table until I make a move to start clearing and then some people help - whoever's nearest to the kitchen.

My kids have never known any different.

Table manners are important to me.

Why have you encouraged that?

Don't usually eat at the table. If we do then we all just leave when finished eating. Or I usually take my plate upstairs to finish at my leisure as I'm a very slow eater! If we had guests then I would stay at the table until they had finished and beyond.

I don’t make DD wait until DS is finished as he’s 1 and can take forever, but she knows to wait until DH and I have finished and to ask “please may I be excused”

I've always thought it rude to leave the table when others are still eating. Little kids I think are an exception though. But I think its because for me, mealtimes are for quality time together as a family as much as they are for sustenance.

@poppyzbrite4

Well I've allowed it. I wouldn't say I've encouraged it.

Absolutely not! If we're all having dinner at the table or breakfast bar, we would wait until everyone had finished before clearing up or leaving table.

I let the kids (7 and 3) get down from the table if they finish first and ask politely. They wait for each other though. Adults obviously stay and in a couple of years I’d expect DC to stay until everyone has finished, it just seems a lot to ask of a 3YO to sit for an extra 10-15 minutes with nothing really to do, like if we were in a restaurant I would have bought colouring etc but at home he may as well go off and play.

I'm actually so relieved reading this that so many people also allow their young children to leave the table before the adults have finished and it's not just me and my shit parenting.

My dad eats at an absolute snails pace and expects people to sit there for ages after they've all finished. I think that's ruder than leaving prematurely to clear up eg.

I was brought up to stay or ask to be excused. DH was brought up to eat alone in front of the TV. I was a bit surprised when we first got together and he would leap up as soon as he finished, he had no idea some would think this is rude. Now he stays, but we're all speedy eaters here anyway.

We try so hard with this but it's really hard to get our 7 and 4 year olds to stay put. I hate how meals have turned into a tit for tat battle with me asking them to stay while others finding (often the eldest waiting for the youngest)

Oh god that's so rude. That would drive me insane

My fil talks that much that we'll have finished our meal and he will have had a few mouthfulls. If we're out or in his house I'd stay (as there's nowhere to go) but if it's at mine, I'd prob start clearing up and let dh stay and chat.

The thing that frustrates me is the DH tends to potter and start cleaning up before he sits down, by which time the meal is going cold and we have all half finished ours. I don't want to wait for him to start as it will be going cold and equally I don't want to make the DCs wait till he's finished as it's his choice not to sit down the same time as us.

I will wait for him most of the time or start to clear away in the same room.

If we had visitors or it was a special occassion I would expect them to stay, but that is rare.

So true.

I think that's fine. You are teaching your son general good manners, but also that sometimes we give people with specific needs special treatment according to those needs. That's a good life lesson!

@chickensandbees Are you married to my mother? Drives me mad. And she's a slow eater so she them complains that we are all sitting there waiting for her.