Am I being sensitive, or is my dh a dick?

[oObyeOo]

Recently got back from a biking event. A sport that I’d say I’m alright at. I spend a lot of time on my bike, pushing myself to try harder and get better. I’m not amazing at it but I can hold my own in enduro races and national events/festivals.

The last few enduros I’ve done I’ve been on the podium for my category.

This weekend was an all women’s festival. It was great fun! Full of women at varying abilities, including pro riders. Everyone was so friendly and encouraging. I had such a great time and felt really good about myself. I even won a fun time trial race for my age group.

I got home all excited and was telling dh about it and he’s completely deflated me with his comments.

Why can’t he just say ‘well done’ ‘Sounds amazing!’ Instead he says ‘were you the only one in your category’ said with a laugh, as a joke apparently. And ‘well done, for someone who doesn’t even pump on a pump track’

It’s just so off hand, and I cashed him out on in. But he just dismissed it as he’s only having a laugh!

But why?! Why not just say well done and leave it at that?

Good girl!

Similarly I say, "a joke is when the other person laughs" a lot. 'Banter' i.e. being horrible to someone with a smile on your face, has become ubiquitous. It's made us worse.

He's definitely an unsupportive dickhead.

I hate "banter". It's just meanness given a pretence of acceptability.

Yeah this would annoy me too.
Does he ever celebrate your wins?

Next time he does it i would ask him how he wpuld feel of your DD grew up and married a man who said things like this that brought her down?

Watching how her father treats her mother is the #1 influence on what kind of partner a little girl grows up to choose.

On the surface, he's a dickhead who's happy to piss on your chips.

Only you know if this an ongoing problem or a one off where cycling has been dominating your time and he's getting a bit sick of it.

You say you spend a lot of time on your bike - being honest, is it too much? Are you using it as a way to get away from him or to get out of the house at weekends?

This is what I was trying to say - maybe he felt a bit left out.

Obviously he's an adult and shouldn't behave the way he did, but I do wonder if that's part of it. You say he likes cycling too but this seemed to totally exclude him.

@sunsetsandboardwalks
Seriously? Why does everything women do have to include men? If he's still tripping over that bottom lip he needs to grow up really quickly

Even very small children can understand sometimes it's not all about you

Definitely no need for such comments. Like he's putting you down and there is no need for it. To say that's amazing is a normal reaction. What he said is a put down. What a dickish thing to say

He should be happy for you. I think in a decent relationship you encourage and support each other to be the best you can.

Jealous and nasty.
Both ugly traits.
Stop sharing ANYTHING with him.
Start organising more things away.

Good men do not behave like this.
You are not sensitive.

You are unfortunately married to a nasty belittling tool.

You deserve better.
Give your future some thought.
Women who leave nasty, jealous, belittling men, NEVER regret it.

You did brilliantly. Don't let your dick of a DH degrade your achievements.

What did you say back to him? The correct response from you should have been "Don't be so bloody rude. You should be congratulating me not making sarcastic comments. You come across as rude and jealous and it's ridiculous".

He tries to take the wind out of your sails. Snap back.

How's the rest of your relationship?

He's an absolute dick.

He feels threatened by you, and he's trying to diminish you.

It's a very unattractive quality in a partner.

How enmeshed are you? Do you have children? Does he do this in other areas of your life together?

Where did I say everything had to include men? 🙄

I asked if it was possible that he was feeling left out because biking is his "thing" too.

I also said his behaviour was totally unacceptable if you actually read my posts.

“well done, for someone who doesn’t even pump on a pump track” is definitely an insult I’ve heard before (I used to do biking) so it’s not even original! He definitely sounds jealous. And you sound like you smashed it! Well done

You sound amazing!
I am someone who loves fitness and runs and bikes and gyms but is noticing its dwindling as I am aging! I am so much slower!
My husband is pro fit and would only ever be incredibly positive and proud of me for doing as well as you did and for encouraging our darling children too.
I am so sorry that your husband said such unkind things.
I think I would sit down with him and have a proper conversation about his words and the impact they had on the people he is meant to love more than anyone or anything else, which is you and your daughter.
He might benfit from doing a bit reading or speaking with someone like a counsellor about his negative words and behaviour.

Karma is a great thing.
I would give him the same reaction for his next achievement.

Well done OP, it’s clear how much fun you had at the weekend and I think simply finding and participating in a sport that brings you joy is worth congratulating, regardless of how good you are. You are not being unreasonable. Your DH will clearly continue to piss in your cornflakes in this way so I would avoid giving him the opportunity. Simply stop talking to him about your sport and share your joy and happiness about your sport with people who want to celebrate it with you. If he makes his “jokes” just don’t respond. A deliberate, blank stare should suffice and then turn to your DD to continue the conversation or leave the room. Your DD will soon cotton on that you do not appreciate his “jokes” if she hasn’t already and will hopefully also not laugh or respond to them. You can’t control his jealousy but you can control how you respond to it.

OP are you better than him at your sport than he was in his sport? You said he wasn’t as good as the pros but you’ve made podium. I was wondering wether he’s making you feel how he felt, rather than celebrating you because he didn’t have that.

Ach, OP, I'm sorry your DH brought you down with a bump. What a nob. Congratulations on your impressive biking achievements. Sounds absolutely fantastic! I'm another stranger on the internet feeling proud of you for your tenacity in entering these events and showing a great example to your DD.

Have you ever asked him flatout: "Why do you belittle my achievements?"

Sounds like he's one of those types who enjoys making other people feel like crap. I had an ex like that. He would get in these moods where he'd just decide he wanted to make me cry... I guess he was in a grump and it made him feel better to punish me for a while. He didn't like me being happy or excited about anything other than him. Maybe he felt threatened, I don't know.

Anyway... he's my ex for a reason!

I forgot to say congratulations!! I'm in awe of people who can do stuff like this. And I'm glad you've found something you love that inspires you to push yourself.

I left my husband because of this exact thing (amongst others). I did something which was a genuinely HUGE achievement for me, and it benefited my kids massively too, and he was absolutely sour and rude and dismissive about it. Often using humour as well to pretend he wasn't just straight up being a dick 🙄

He also extended this to not listening to the kids or asking them about it. I'm disabled so it was an extra difficult thing to do as well, which made it even more hurtful than he couldn't stop his jealousy and actually be happy.

Getting rid of him was the best decision. I'm not some insecure young girl any more. I know my worth. I know I want my kids to see me feeling strong, for doing something challenging. Not expecting to be done down by his comments, he who should have been our cheerleader!

Also, a lot of posters are suggesting treating him the same, next time he achieves something. NO WAY. Don't sink to that level! Better off alone than becoming anything like such a bitter fun-spoiling toddler man. Uggghhh. Show normality to your daughter, respect, love, please don't copy his crapness. Use the resentment to better your situation, by cutting t out of your life. It doesn't serve you well, neither does he.

He’s not funny. He’s a dick.