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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Neighbour kicked my door down/broke in

435 replies

Sparklfairy · 22/09/2024 20:51

AIBU to expect the police to arrest/remove him...?

I live alone in a flat in a block of 4. I have met this neighbour just once, and introduced myself. A few weeks ago he knocked on my door, not threateningly, but persistently - consistent knocking for 3-4 minutes... at 1.30am. I was awake as I WFH but nights, and just ignored it.

He went away, and there's been nothing since. Until yesterday at 6-something in the morning. Again, I was working but the flat was in total silence. No tv or any noise that would disturb him, I was literally just sitting on my bed.

Suddenly I heard a bang and froze. I was confused and didn't know what it was and was trying to work out where it was coming from. 3 or 4 further bangs and my front door burst open and he was stood there, swaying, glassy eyed.

I screamed. It's a studio, tiny flat, like one of those micro flats that you see advertised but yes, this is my life and I had no escape, no room to hide in, not even a bathroom with a lock on the door (as there is no lock, and the bathroom is opposite the front door).

I screamed at him, he said I was 'in' his head, fucking with his head (when I've done absolutely nothing), and when he tried to step towards me I screamed again and he suddenly 'clicked', became lucid and said ok and left. I was shaking.

My other neighbour (upstairs, but next door to him), texted me saying he heard screaming, and let me take refuge in his flat. Before I did, I obviously called 999. The police seemed non committal, that someone would come out at some point. 36 hours later I've had no visit.

But here is the kicker. When hiding in my neighbours flat, my friend/neighbour had the bright idea of just knocking on his door and talking to crazy tenant. He has recorded the conversation where crazy tenant admits I did nothing wrong but I just 'remind him' of someone and that's why he broke my door down

I rang 101 with the crime ref to update. The lady was so helpful and checked with her supervisor as she was astonished no one had come out to me yet. She reassured me that someone would attend and it had been miscategorised/recategorised now.

It's now nearly 9pm on Sunday and STILL nothing. I can't go home. The lock has been 'fixed' but obviously Crazy Tenant has proven that he can break it whenever he likes. I live alone. I have stressed every single detail which should have escalated this, but nothing is being done. I have chased with the letting agent but basically they're saying I have to wait until Monday for any action to be done. And even then, they were non committal as to WHAT would happen.

So I'm stuck, and cannot go home, and my rent is due today. I have no idea what to do.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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PerkyBlinder · 23/09/2024 23:56

I complete sympathise with you @Sparklfairy but would advise you start looking for a new flat as your neighbour with mental health issues is unlikely to be moved quickly if at all. My DD’s dad is a housing officer and it takes a long time to build a case to evict a problem tenant with mental health issues. They have to prove they have done everything to support the person and eviction is a necessary reasonsble action to take. It takes time to secure and requires a court hearing. He had one recently where the tenant had literally taken a machete round to a neighbours house. They were repeatedly abusive and violent to multiple neighbours, spent time in prison but it took ages to finally get the case heard and the eviction through. The council has to prove they have not failed in their duty to care for the mentally ill person. The other tenants rights to live in peace is only something taken into account in balance to the mentally ill person’s needs too. It’s frustrating for everyone involved.

Given you are in private rented, you can choose to live elsewhere. You can’t change the world or the system and even though it’s not fair and it’s not justice, at least you have that option to choose where you live. If you’ve signed a long term tenancy contract then you’d need to come to an arrangement with your LL to break contract early which hopefully given the circumstances you can arrange to do.

Hope you find a resolution soon and have some good support around you. Victim Support can be really helpful and the police should put you in touch with them. 💐

Italiangreyhound · 24/09/2024 00:00

*Sparklfairy I am so sorry, this is awful. *

I hope you get the resolution you need and I would definitely move.

sidebirds · 24/09/2024 00:08

KrisAkabusi · 23/09/2024 23:53

i found this thread shocking & upsetting. apparently random (and i bet unvetted) males being housed within the private secure spaces of a woman living on her own.

I get that it's upsetting, but this isn't happening. The OP is renting a flat in a block of flats. There are no circumstances in which another flat in the same building could be considered her private secure space.

i disagree. once one passes the communal door of a block of flats / shared house, etc., it is a private secure space, as far as the residents are concerned. and of course becomes even more so within the flats themselves.

anyway, incredibly negligent of a cash-hungry landlord to house (perhaps unvetted) random short-term lodgers in such circumstances. not to mention the response of the authorities to this distressing - in fact, terrifying - situation.

Candy1985 · 24/09/2024 02:47

OP sorry to hear this shite you are being put through. Do not back down I hope you get it all sorted out.

VickyPollard25 · 24/09/2024 02:57

This is unfair and makes me furious on your behalf OP. It’s always the more vulnerable that are targeted- women living alone, the elderly, children, etc.

It’s disgraceful that the police didn’t come immediately. I honestly think no one cares about vulnerable people and if you don’t have money or family around to help you, then you are a sitting duck in this world. I think we need to do all in our power to protect ourselves. In your position, I would not go back to that flat other than to move out. Can you try and find temporary accommodation elsewhere while you get a new permanent place? You can also get these travel door wedges/stops that have battery alarms in them. I use them when travelling. They will prevent the door being opened regardless of force used, and make a real racket if someone tries.

I think the man who broke in had evil intentions. He identified you as living alone and thought he was entitled to you as no one was around to stop him. It’s BS that you reminded him of someone.

BiscottiToffee · 24/09/2024 03:18

I hope things are going well for you.

Any update ??

Fraaahnces · 24/09/2024 04:10

I keep hearing how hard it is to get police out for what I would consider to be pretty momentuous safety concerns. I understand that they're overstretched and under-resourced, but that's pure negligence.

passiveaggressivenonsense · 24/09/2024 05:04

This sounds terrifying. Arm yourself with some deep heat spray. Look up on you tube for ideas how to barricade a door. I hope the police / your landlord remove him soon.

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 06:15

Sorry for not coming back, yesterday was stressful and as I work nights and normally sleep in the day, but haven't really slept since Friday (!) once everything was 'sorted' I just crashed out in bed.

First, letting agent came round with some contractor. Had a chat, he looked at the door, and then I was told that the locksmith would be over later. I was also told that Crazy Tenant would be removed and housed elsewhere today (as in yesterday).

Then I went to the police station. Honestly there isn't much to say about that. They didn't ask anything they haven't already, and those calls are all recorded rather than scribbled down based on an interpretation of what I've said. But whatever.

Then I came back and shortly afterwards the locksmith arrived, who fitted a deadbolt which is fab, and basically since then I've tried to fitfully sleep with Prison Break being binged watched in between my one hour snoozes.

I assume Crazy Tenant has left. I haven't heard movement upstairs for a while, I doubt anyone will tell me when he's gone - the agent isn't proactive like that.

I know that people have formed their own opinions about me supposedly being 'difficult' but I'm not sure you completely get the circumstances. I was still in shock when I wrote the OP, and it's really difficult to know when you're writing how much detail to include, and how much is not necessary and makes it too long, but I'll try and fill in some gaps/remind you of the sequence of events which influenced my decision making process.

As soon as Crazy Tenant left, I pushed the door shut, noticed the lock was broken (obviously) and called 999.
Dispatch asked me some questions:

  • When did this happen (just now, he's now pacing upstairs, I can hear him and I've got no idea if he's going to come back, I've now got no lock on the front door and this was unprovoked with no warning and he's clearly volatile)
  • Can you hide in another room? (It's a studio flat, the only other room is the bathroom and that doesn't have any lock on it)
  • Can you leave the flat? (Not really, my option is to run out into the street and go where at 7am on a Saturday dressed in pyjamas? My other neighbour has just texted and said he heard screaming, so now he's on his way down).
  • What's brought this on? (Nothing, I've met the guy once and introduced myself. He knocked on my door persistently (but not threatening) at 1:30 am one night a few weeks ago, and I didn't answer, but nothing since. [I then explained about the transient population of that flat and often that the tenants were vulnerable/drink/drugs etc and that it was clearly escalating, from knocking to smashing the door in and nothing in between].

I genuinely thought someone would come out. Especially as she'd told me to hide - you kind of get the impression that you'd be hiding until the police turned up, no? But 6 hours later I get a call, more questions, saying well you're on the list, might be today, might not etc etc.

I kicked myself a bit mentioning my other (nice) neighbour at the time. Maybe they'd de-escalated priority because of that. But it occurred to me that if I'd stayed in the flat, then clearly I didn't consider myself in danger, and if I said I was leaving the flat as suggested by dispatch, then I wasn't in immediate danger anymore anyway. I couldn't win or make a different decision that would have made them come out any quicker.

When I got yet another call that they were coming out at some point, but couldn't say when or even a timescale, and wanted to know what hotel I was in, I lost it (in my head, not to them). I should be sleeping in the day, not hovering waiting for them to randomly turn up/not turn up. PPs have said it can take MONTHS for them to attend to take a statement.

Now this isn't a have-a-bitch-at-the-police rant, but if that is the way the system currently works, I am allowed to consider the practicalities and impact on me. If you don't give me a timeframe, and are likely to either wake me up or even burst in, climb through an open window however many days/weeks from now, and expect a coherent statement from me when I'm in that state, then I was absolutely right to insist that a firm appt was made and I could just go and get it done.

Of course, they may not have knocked on my door (which as I'm sure you can imagine, put the fear of God in me even when the agent and locksmith did it yesterday - I had no idea if it was them as I didn't get a time and it could have been Crazy Tenant coming back). The police may have just given me a lecture about wasting police time because I wasn't available for an indeterminate amount of time at their beck and call.

I stand by my decisions. Sorry this was so long, but it was really upsetting reading quite sanctimonious posts saying I should have done xyz. Thank you to everyone else who has given their stories and support.

The worst thing about it all is that when it happened, Crazy Tenant suddenly 'clicked' and became lucid again, and just said 'Ok' when I screamed at him for the second time and disappeared back upstairs. There was absolutely nothing to say he would click back to crazy at any point and come back downstairs with a weapon. And I had no lock on my door now. When I stayed at my other neighbours, we were both worried he would just kick his door in next.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 06:28

Also, I'm not really sure where to go from here. At the risk of outing myself even more than I have already, this isn't the first time the police have fucked up (10 years ago, I was attacked by an online date). At the time I got my MP involved and he tried his best, but didn't get anywhere with the commissioner. I stumbled across a solicitor who was an absolute SHL and got a judicial review and an apology, but then they alluded that if I pursued it any more then they would fight it tooth and nail, meaning they would be digging into me and discrediting me. My solicitor relayed that to me directly, and I trust her (plus you know, being bound by ethics and shit), so I dropped it. 3 years of consistent stress to come to not much, and it seems nothing has changed.

I have a lot going on in my life right now, and having been through it before I'm not sure I can put myself through the complaints etc again, only to be dismissed. I may have to sort out some kind of therapy though, because every single noise I'm hearing is giving me a surge of adrenaline - even though I'm 80% sure Crazy Tenant has gone and I know he can't break in (easily) now with the deadbolt...

OP posts:
PsychoHotSauce · 24/09/2024 07:20

I get it OP. It sounds like you felt powerless in the immediate, and the police inaction and vague timelines have further fed into that. There also doesn't seem to have been any consideration of PTSD/trauma response/victim support? It's all "we'll get to you when we get to you, but until then, you're on your own".

LLamddra · 24/09/2024 07:26

can You get your other neighbour to knock and check that they’ve definitely gone?

Chickitychick · 24/09/2024 07:41

This is why normal law abiding citizens DO NOT TRUST THE POLICE. I have never even had any speeding points let alone be arrested ect. I have had different issues with different forces.

my friend caught a man trying to film her whilst having sex (voyeurism). I encouraged her to put the complaint to the police. The police admitted they visited his address and informed them that she made the complaint.
he obviously denied it. Didn’t even confiscate any property to check.

Clarefromwork · 24/09/2024 07:46

No need to justify anything in my opinion, that must have been terrifying.

could you get a ring doorbell to make you feel more safe whilst this incident is still new ?

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 07:56

Clarefromwork · 24/09/2024 07:46

No need to justify anything in my opinion, that must have been terrifying.

could you get a ring doorbell to make you feel more safe whilst this incident is still new ?

I don't think so (and completely understand if I am right in my assessment of privacy laws!). Because we have the main door to the building, and then communal halls, essentially because of the positioning of my flat I would be able to see the comings and goings of the other 3 tenants, and there isn't any way to stop/minimise/prevent that. I wouldn't be allowed to put a ring on the outside wall next to the main door either for the same reasons. It's not fair on the other tenants and probably a breach of privacy laws.

@LLamddra I could ask, but I don't want to put on him anymore. He was fucking brave going and knocking on CT's door tbh. I still haven't heard any movement from upstairs so maybe if I did/do, I will just contact the agent to establish if it's him, or a new person they've swapped in. The poor (nice) neighbour has basically given up his entire weekend for me already, dealt with my tears and shaking and upset. I really don't want to ask anymore of him right now.

What is irritating me is the contrast in response between what happened 2(ish) years ago and now. When the shop downstairs had my door forced because they bullshitted 'hearing screams and crashing' knowing damn fine the flat was empty. So what I'm saying is, the police came out and took action because they had someone telling them there was a 'threat to life'... but I'm not sure what my call said or didn't say that didn't indicate there was a threat to life?

Downstairs were told the police would only attend if there was a threat to life, and only then changed their story - it went from, 'there's a leak, you have to come out' to 'oh there's banging/crashing/screaming/I'm scared for her'. Because they wanted to force police attendance. Police attended, broke my door down, and I had to move out (with no rent reduction) while it was fixed.

I told the police the guy has just left, but I can hear him pacing, he's obviously off his face and could come back at any time and I have no lock now... and... nothing? That's the failing. And that's what I need to decide whether or not I can complain about this - whether I have the mental strength to push it. The discrepancy when you look at it is unreal.

OP posts:
Coruscations · 24/09/2024 08:38

Now this isn't a have-a-bitch-at-the-police rant, but if that is the way the system currently works, I am allowed to consider the practicalities and impact on me. If you don't give me a timeframe, and are likely to either wake me up or even burst in, climb through an open window however many days/weeks from now, and expect a coherent statement from me when I'm in that state, then I was absolutely right to insist that a firm appt was made and I could just go and get it done.

The police are never going to burst into a house or climb in through the windows in order to get a witness statement from a complainant.

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 08:48

Coruscations · 24/09/2024 08:38

Now this isn't a have-a-bitch-at-the-police rant, but if that is the way the system currently works, I am allowed to consider the practicalities and impact on me. If you don't give me a timeframe, and are likely to either wake me up or even burst in, climb through an open window however many days/weeks from now, and expect a coherent statement from me when I'm in that state, then I was absolutely right to insist that a firm appt was made and I could just go and get it done.

The police are never going to burst into a house or climb in through the windows in order to get a witness statement from a complainant.

Hmm. If I don't answer immediately, they don't know if I'm dead in the flat. It's just cause to force it if they want to, because in light of everything they don't know if he's come back for round 2.

Don't forget what happened two years ago. The fact is it's the mental 'what ifs' after I've had a trauma - I don't know what they'll do. If I'm asleep and don't hear the door, they'll either force it or walk away and give me a lecture later. The very nice 101 lady has tried to escalate this with her supervisor because of the threat and proximity and apparently the supervisor agreed, so if there's no answer, they might take it upon themselves to force entry. I don't know. But why should I be on edge like that after everything that's happened when I could have (and did) just dealt with it in a manner that's within my control?

OP posts:
VickyPollard25 · 24/09/2024 09:40

Chickitychick · 24/09/2024 07:41

This is why normal law abiding citizens DO NOT TRUST THE POLICE. I have never even had any speeding points let alone be arrested ect. I have had different issues with different forces.

my friend caught a man trying to film her whilst having sex (voyeurism). I encouraged her to put the complaint to the police. The police admitted they visited his address and informed them that she made the complaint.
he obviously denied it. Didn’t even confiscate any property to check.

I’m wondering if the police don’t have wide enough power in the UK?

I am so upset for the OP. I’ve had many good experiences with police, and only a couple of bad ones. I’ve recently had excellent support over an online report, and in the past I got home and heard movement in my home and called 999. 2 cars full of huge policemen were there in 5 minutes and were in my house checking every room as soon as possible. This was the Met police. I’ve found the Met police to be really good. I would have expected the OP to have had the same support in the circumstances where someone had actually broke her door down. im really sorry she didn’t.

RecklessGoddess · 24/09/2024 10:00

As long as the doorbell camera is visible (and maybe a sticker informing about it), you can put one there regardless of the fact that it would cover of people coming and going. No doorbell cameras, only cover the owner's front door and nothing else.

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 10:01

RecklessGoddess · 24/09/2024 10:00

As long as the doorbell camera is visible (and maybe a sticker informing about it), you can put one there regardless of the fact that it would cover of people coming and going. No doorbell cameras, only cover the owner's front door and nothing else.

So you're saying if I got a camera (not a ring type doorbell camera) and pointed it just at my door it would be ok? I am tempted.

What I'm saying is the ring doorbell would point 'outwards' to the communal area. But if I got a different cctv style camera and pointed it towards my door, only covering my door, it might be ok.

OP posts:
Celticliving · 24/09/2024 10:04

Gosh, this has been a really upsetting and tough read. I'm so sorry that you have been through all that. FWIW, I think that you handled the situation admirably, given how unsafe you potentially were.

Going forward, please carry a personal alarm on you and keep it next to you at the flat. Those things are loud and it will not only notify the other residents that you need immediate assistance but will hopefully be enough to shock the offender and send them running.

Hopefully he has gone now but I still think it's worth having an alarm at the ready.

I wish you all the best.

Somanypiessolittletime · 24/09/2024 10:19

OP I'm sorry you've had this experience. I really don't know why there were so many previous posters giving you such a fucking hard time either. Wankers.
FWIW I had a similar (but less terrifying as I wasn't home) experience a few years ago. I was out at the time but came home to see the door to my flat had been smashed open - the wood had literally been kicked through and splintered, a great big massive hole and the entire thing was hanging off the wall - and my UNDERWEAR was rifled through with a few items having been dropped on the floor and the communal stairs and quite a lot more missing.
Really weird and creepy. Like you I loved alone and rang police to ask for help, thinking they would attend ASAP since I had no front door at all and the strange underwear angle. Like you they did not attend. For 2 days. Then when they did they fingerprinted a few areas, left a message and then nothing more. Luckily for me I had a friend who lived nearby I stayed with that night and then my landlord replaced my door the next day. But opened my eyes to how much the police don't give a shit. This was the Met police.

Somanypiessolittletime · 24/09/2024 10:20

Sorry gat should say left a mess not a message!

Haggia · 24/09/2024 10:44

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meercat23 · 24/09/2024 11:20

Sparklfairy · 24/09/2024 10:01

So you're saying if I got a camera (not a ring type doorbell camera) and pointed it just at my door it would be ok? I am tempted.

What I'm saying is the ring doorbell would point 'outwards' to the communal area. But if I got a different cctv style camera and pointed it towards my door, only covering my door, it might be ok.

Edited

Given what has happened and the fact that you have constantly changing temporary residents in your building it might be worth talking to your permanent neighbours. Perhaps they would see a Ring doorbell or similar to be of mutual benefit? Might be worth a discussion at least.

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