To send DS to preschool full time even though I work part time?

[thunderstormsunday]

Because he is doing my bloody head in … obviously that’s sort of a joke but some truth in it.

DS attended a private day nursery close to where I work for three days a week while I worked. Last year, I was on maternity leave for twelve months and he dropped down to two days at nursery and one at a local preschool just before his third birthday, partly to try to make friends he’d be going to school with. Now I am back at work three days a week we’ve kept that going as DH wfh Fridays so can pick up and drop off (the preschool is only 9-3 with no wraparound.)

I don’t work Tuesdays and Wednesdays and DS attends Tuesday morning 9-12 but I am considering sending him for both days. My reason is that to be honest he is wild. He does have so many lovely points but he is just never still, manic, charges around the house (not looking where he’s going so ends up slamming into things) trashes things …

It isn’t like this all the time. It seems to come in waves. We had a bloody awful period from February through to about may, then he calmed down and seemed quite nice and now he’s ramping up again.

The problem is it’s detrimental to our relationship because I feel like I spend all the time telling him off. Don’t do that, leave her alone, get off there, no get down, no I said GET DOWN. It’s so easy to get sucked into a negative cycle.

I used to deal with this by just being out and about all the time (he’s better out of the house) but that’s trickier with two of them and expensive and exhausting.

I feel mean but I am considering at least upping Tuesday to a full session (9-3) and then considering adding Wednesday.

He isn’t a bad child or anything but I do struggle a bit with him; always have if I am honest.

As long as he enjoys nursery, I would 100% do this! Sounds like it would be beneficial for you both 💜

Of course this is MN, so I'm sure you'll get a thousand responses to parent your own child etc. but honestly if it's an energy issue and not just a discipline one, it makes sense for him to be in a space where he can run round more/totally age appropriate.

If he enjoys the nursery I’d definitely send him every day. It’s a short day, and will get him used to it for school. You’ll still have many more hours with him across the week!

I send my 3 yr old child full time when I work 4 days. The extra day is bliss. I clean the house, put laundry away and have time to unwind a little. I don't think I'd want two full days to myself but definitely one.

I reconcile it by knowing that the nursery we use (9-3) is wonderful, engaging and my child has great relationships with the staff. So it's a positive experience.

It sounds to me like some consistent and structured play / learning time will probably be good for him.

Yep, I would absolutely do this in your situation - sounds like he benefits from the extra stimulation. If he enjoys it and isn’t asking to stay at home I would go ahead. Mum guilt is real but it doesn’t mean that you are doing anything wrong!

How old is he op?

Could you maybe just up the half day to a full day for now, as a half a day is neither here nor there anyway? Then you'd get a few more hours on the Tuesday, but he could have a day at home Wednesday?

Thank you.

@Fivebyfive2 that’s what I’m considering in the first instance. I don’t want him to feel like he’s being sent away or that I don’t want him around, it isn’t personal it is just he does seem so very wired up at the moment.

He is 3 years 10 months so will be turning 4 in a couple of months.

Are you sure that this isn't a response to how he's feeling? He's older now and much more aware of having to wait, come last for everything because of his sibling. At the same time he's going through all the usual developmental changes of his age and is trying to make sense of the world.

I actually think he might need more, not less, of you.

But for it to be constructive time you might need to reflect on and alter your parenting techniques and be much more proactive than reactive. Do you need recommendations for parenting approaches? There will be many different people MNers could suggest if you clarify your values and style.

Your DS can go full time for any reasons you like! My DD went full time even though I work part time. Nobody was asking the SAHP why they were sending their children.
For me, my DD being in nursery on my day off meant I could get all the jobs at home done, have a bit of a relax and be all prepared for fun weekends together. There was some judgement from others but I learnt to put the needs of me and my family before other people’s opinions. So give it a try, see how it works and if there’s a positive benefit all round then that’s great!

If you have the other child at home maybe having older child at pre school 1 day and younger at nursery/childminder the other day might mean you can spend 1:1 time with each of them.

How old is your other one?

I found my two just awful to have by myself when they were 3 and 1 and I have noticed so many posts from people with those age children finding it hard.

They're both mobile but neither civilised. You just have to get through it.

It's honestly gets a lot easier when the older one goes to reception.

Do what you have to do to get through!

At almost 4 years he will PREFER going to nursery where he can play with other children. Win win OP go ahead!

@5475878237NC i don’t doubt there’s some truth in that. But the problem is that there is so, so much contradictory advice out there and so much agenda loaded literature it’s difficult to find your own sensible way through it all.

@exprecis yep. Three and one I’ve heard so many people say the same. And another complicating factor is that my one year old can’t walk yet and I have a feeling she’s going to be a late walker. So that could be a looooong autumn / winter to get through!

Problem with this is that the preschool doesn’t take children under 2, so I’d have to book her for an extra day at the private nursery and I just can’t afford that.

I also think four days at nursery for a child that age is a lot when you don’t absolutely have to do it.

so he will be a school in one year?
seems a shame
i am sure you can get through this
try a different tactic,
positive parenting

It's fine OP. Don't feel bad about it.

Positive or negative parenting seems to make very little difference when DS is in a bit of a manic mood. It’s hard to explain and he isn’t like this all of the time. I don’t think his behaviour is notably better or worse than most other three year olds I know but what perhaps is different is that he isn’t very good at playing with toys. He’ll sometimes get engaged in something but mostly he just empties his toys out onto he floor and well - that’s it, that’s the game. So then we have the climbing and the destroying …

I will admit freely I find it hard. Not him personally exactly, more the combination of children 😅 and they will not leave one another alone. He gets in her face, takes toys off her, grabs her, is generally trying to annoy her. She will think nothing of clocking him around the head with a toy. It’s exhausting. (They do actually get on very well although I know that description really doesn’t sound like it!)

I think it is important to look at what both your son needs too. I found the year my second was 4 but not school age really difficult to juggle. She wanted to more spend time with friends playing than tagging along with me doing shopping or laundry but due to work we kept her in private nursery for working days (3 days a week) instead of a 5 day a week preschool which probably would have suited her better.

She had energy to burn so we signed her up for swimming classes for reception age children (well 4 year olds) but they were all afterschool hours rather than the morning as she had well outgrown toddler singing classes, so mornings/afternoon dragged a bit.

I would say more time in pre-school classes if you can make it work and he is happier is a good thing to set him up for next year.

This was why I went for the Tuesday preschool morning session, as I’ve also found ds has outgrown the sort of baby and toddler stuff that’s on, but the baby still likes it so I didn’t want her to miss out. I don’t see any children over the age of three at them so I assume they are at a preschool.

Yes. This was a problem we had too - that so many kids are now in full time preschool that the stuff on offer is full of 1-2 year olds and doesn't work for preschoolers.

We did just power through but it was easier as it was a day each not two days for one of us.

Where do you live? Can you take him to woods etc, basically outdoor nature? He’ll love it, there’s no entrance fee. You may like it too. I used to go with mine to an outdoor family walking nature thing and there was a higher than average of kids with autism or special needs and very active kids, presumably because it worked well for those kids and helped with their behaviour. My kids were active, never still kids so we did this stuff.

I wish someone had warned me how hard this stage would be.

I feel like there's a lot more focus on how hard it is to have a newborn and a toddler but personally I found that much easier because newborns don't really have opinions or need entertainment, they are very happy in a sling being carried around to toddler things.

Not sure what woods etc is but there is an outdoor playgroup I sometimes take mine to but it’s very difficult with the younger one not walking. I don’t think I’ll be able to take them in autumn / winter (and I am a stalwart of getting out of the house) because I can’t really expect her to crawl round the mud.

We do get out a lot and when I just had ds there were times we would just be out for the morning, home for nap (in the days when he napped!) and out again for the afternoon. But things are different now with two of them and I also have to be mindful that I’m not sure that approach was the best.

@exprecis yeah definitely … DD used to come with us to the park and just snooze in the pushchair or watch children playing and that was it. That was her entertainment. Not any more!