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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want partners friend invited to our party?

76 replies

bluebellacakes · 21/09/2024 19:00

Me and my DP are having a party in a month or so and I have told him I do not want his friend or his friend's partner invited.

Years ago when me and DP had issues his friend was telling DP that "he was wasting his time with me, and could get any girl he wants" and badmouthing me and stirring.

My DP told me this himself.

For whatever reason this friend (who come on the scene after we had already been together for 4 years) and his partner don't like me for some reason and I don't even know what I have done as I have only met them a handful of times and have been nice to them every time (before they started talking about me).

The couple make it clear that I am not welcome to their home and only invite my partner round.

DP is trying to back track by saying he made it all up to annoy me which I don't believe as he could of said someone that actually knows me instead of someone I don't even really know and nice versa.

I believe he is only backtracking as this guy is his brothers best friend and it will cause issues as they all have close knit circle of friends.

I have told him under no circumstances his friend and his partner are to be invited when I am not even invited to their home and for the nasty comments they made about me for no reason.

And now that this couple have had a baby DP expects them to be invited to our kids birthdays now, another issue I have.

I'm not telling DP not to be friends with the guy I simply don't want them in my home.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Butterflyfern · 21/09/2024 19:01

Nope, Yanbu

Secondguess · 21/09/2024 19:03

Absolutely not! Have some self respect, which is even more important since he doesn't seem to respect you.

SilkFloss · 21/09/2024 19:04

Another one saying NO WAY.
(and I'm generally a very sociable and forgiving person).

DillyDallySal · 21/09/2024 19:04

I don’t think the comments sound that bad.. probably said just to make DH feel better and never really meant?! However, the subsequent behaviour of not allowing you in their home but inviting your partner is weird?!!!!!! Of course YANBU.

Taz55 · 21/09/2024 19:05

YANBU. They are openly hostile to you, your DH should be sticking up for you………makes me wonder what he said about you to them.

i would not have these people in my home or invited to my kids parties

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 21/09/2024 19:07

It would be a no from me.

My ex had a friend who didn't like me and ex would get pissed off that I still wouldn't want to spend time with him and that he wasn't as bad as what he sounded. Told them to both fuck off in the end.

lobsterkiller · 21/09/2024 19:07

Nope, fuck that. They don't get access to your home and hospitality whilst not liking you. Actions have consequences.

JumperStripes · 21/09/2024 19:07

I agree that the comments sound like a moral boost to a friend who has just gone through a breakup. Perhaps they realise you don’t like them and that’s why you aren’t invited round? Either way, if you don't want them at your house, YANBU.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 21/09/2024 19:08

I wouldn’t care much about the (possible) shit talking. It sounds like the kind of rubbish people say and often don’t even really mean. The fact they’ve excluded you so blatantly would be a massive issue and I’d be very annoyed with my partner if they didn’t have my back over this. Not a chance would I be extending any invitations to those people.

Cherrysoup · 21/09/2024 19:10

They don’t get to come to your home if you aren’t invited to theirs! Yanbu.

MissSkegness1951 · 21/09/2024 19:11

My take on it is that it's all come from your partner that they said stuff and won't allow you in their home.

More likely when you were going through the bad patch, he cheated on you and they knew and could possibly tell you so he's created this fake animosity but now your firmly back together he's stupidly included then in the invite.

KaneelStokjes · 21/09/2024 19:40

Cherrysoup · 21/09/2024 19:10

They don’t get to come to your home if you aren’t invited to theirs! Yanbu.

This!

Crunchymum · 21/09/2024 19:46

JumperStripes · 21/09/2024 19:07

I agree that the comments sound like a moral boost to a friend who has just gone through a breakup. Perhaps they realise you don’t like them and that’s why you aren’t invited round? Either way, if you don't want them at your house, YANBU.

The OP and her DP had been together for 4 years when he met this friend.

Original poster
bluebellacakes · 21/09/2024 19:54

Our youngest had a suspected CMPA (he is fine now and eats dairy foods) and at the time this friend was telling DP "I'm glad to hear that as humans should not drinking cows milk.

Our daughter suffered so bad with this when she was born and I found that comment so disrespectful even if he didn't mean it like that and DP just shrugs it of and I told DP if I see him I will tell him I find that very disrespectful.

Another reason I don't want them in my home.

I feel DP just keeps him round as it's his brothers best friend.

OP posts:
Original poster
bluebellacakes · 21/09/2024 19:55

bluebellacakes · 21/09/2024 19:54

Our youngest had a suspected CMPA (he is fine now and eats dairy foods) and at the time this friend was telling DP "I'm glad to hear that as humans should not drinking cows milk.

Our daughter suffered so bad with this when she was born and I found that comment so disrespectful even if he didn't mean it like that and DP just shrugs it of and I told DP if I see him I will tell him I find that very disrespectful.

Another reason I don't want them in my home.

I feel DP just keeps him round as it's his brothers best friend.

Meant she is (our daughter) is fine now from CMPA.

OP posts:
Gribbit987 · 21/09/2024 20:10

The first comments are normal when said in private. Friends rally round the person experiencing relationship problems and say “forget them… you can do much better anyway”. Surely you are familiar with people saying this? Your partner then threw them under the bus by telling you. You still harbour a petty grudge years later.

The milk anecdote is simply that this friend is the facetious know it all. A bit smug and pointlessly argumentative. A lot of social circles have one of these 😬

You want your partner to wage war for your “honour”. You know it will cause huge upset in your circle and will divide everyone.

Be the bigger person, invite them and smile warmly at him/them. You shouldn’t be stewing about this. It’s trivial.

LittleBitAlexisLaLaLaLaLa · 21/09/2024 20:11

I wouldn’t want people who are openly hostile towards me in my home and I wouldn’t expect my husband to put up with that either. I’d be surprised they’d want to come to a party hosted by you in your home, even if the co host was your husband.

It’s a bit weird of your husband though. He tells you what they said about you originally, you’re not welcome in their home/they don’t want to socialise with you, and now he’s backtracking saying he was lying to you the whole time “to annoy you” and they never said anything of the sort?

5128gap · 21/09/2024 20:17

Your partner painted you as the villain to them during your issues and whatever he told them means they dislike you and think he deserves better. Your partner did this. He's caused them to dislike you and you to dislike them through his inability to know when it's best to keep it shut. He's also not the most reliable source of information, is he? Telling you one thing then another so you don't know what to believe. This party and this couple seem the least of your worries to me.

HeddaGarbled · 21/09/2024 20:17

YANBU

MaybeImbad · 21/09/2024 20:21

I think there’s more going on here.

RockyRogue1001 · 21/09/2024 20:37

Sorry, but I agree with @Gribbit987

Rise above it, be better than them. Hold your head high (and be passive aggressive 🤣)

And I also agree with @5128gap

Original poster
bluebellacakes · 21/09/2024 22:45

Yes it is very strange of my partner to now be backtracking and claim he made it all up, I believe they said it as he could have said anyone but it was always this particular friend.

On the occasions I have met them like BIL's birthday the friend has been quite sarcastic to me when I have tried to be friendly and this was way before the comments that he made so he defo has an issue with me.

I get on well with all of partners friends apart from this one.

And it's like when we had our daughter last year it was very difficult from the pregnancy, to the birth where I was in hospital for over a week and our daughter had GERD and CMPA and my partner was doing a lot and all this friend could do was call up every day and demand to see our daughter and stressing out my partner.

And then when I told partner I don't feel
comfortable him and his mrs coming round the friend then started having a go at my partner saying that since he has had our daughter he doesn't see anyone and making comments about me stopping my partner from seeing him (all incorrect).

After that I told my partner that under no circumstances will he be welcome in my
home and he defo is not meeting our daughter or attending any of our kids birthday parties in the future.

I think the reason he doesn't like is that I don't drink or take drugs and I am very into health and fitness where him and his mrs are into heavy drinking and do hardcore drugs.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 21/09/2024 22:57

"The couple make it clear that I am not welcome to their home and only invite my partner round."
No fucking way would I allow them over my threshold!

"DP is trying to back track by saying he made it all up to annoy me which I don't believe as he could of said someone that actually knows me instead of someone I don't even really know and nice versa."
Your DP is a bit of a dick, isn't he?

HauntedbyMagpies · 22/09/2024 02:10

Your boyfriend sounds like an abusive prick. LTB

Thevelvelletes · 22/09/2024 02:37

If you don't like someone,why would you go to their party or home for that matter also op your bf sounds like a prick

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