Do people expect ROI after paying private school fees?

[Enrew]

By ROI, I mean getting into top unis/ prestigious job/ high performer in a sport etc?

I ask after a family friend spent around 120k on child's education and child dropped out of good uni course to become personal trainer/ influencer. Nothing wrong with that career choice imo but friend seems resentful/ annoyed that after spending so much money child won't be doctor/ lawyer / banker and they could have done this career regardless of where they went to school. It's as if they had expectations all along.

I have no experience of private school system myself and my DC will go to local state school but thinking about it if I was paying out thousands per year for DC to have top education, I'd probably have some extra expectations.

He got onto a 'good uni course'.

If you view private school as there to set children on a great academic path (as many parents do) they delivered.

The kids didn’t ask to go though. It’s often parents who make these decisions and it’s not always a good decision.

For those hoping that private school produces well rounded individuals - why would you expect that mixing with only privileged children would do that?

Also, there are issues with bullying etc. in private schools just as there are in state schools, they’re possibly just better at covering it up!

Some people definitely do. SIL's parents had way more input than was healthy into their children's university course and even their career plans.

It was very much understood that only certain universities, courses and careers were acceptable in return for the eye-watering cost of their education.

All 4 siblings rebelled eventually, and all are now happy (mostly). None work in any of the acceptable professions and two don't have degrees as they dropped out of courses they had no real interest in.

I have been surprised by this assumption too.

Many of my friends have children in private school and they haven't found it to be bullying and disruption free at all

Nope.
i sent my daughter to private school after 2 years of bullying and social isolation in her state secondary school had broken her spirit and made her a shell of her previous self.

She’s a bright kid. She would have got excellent results at her previous school and will probably get decent grades where she is. So academic success had absolutely nothing to do with our decision at all.

We’re lucky that we can just about afford to send her. It’s a squeeze, but worth absolutely every penny to see her recover back to the confident, enthusiastic child she once was.

I grew up in a country where there was no welfare state to fall back on and you had to be pretty self sufficient. I want my children to be able to earn enough money to be able to pay for things they need such as good health care and have skills that mean they will be able to move countries if they want to. I think people can a bit complacent sometimes.

I pay for private schooling because at this point the small class sizes are best for my child’s personality. I’ll reevaluate each year whether the school etc are still the best option. I have no expectations beyond my kid doing their best THIS school year.

It’s not about sending them to private in order to ‘buy’ a place at uni though. I think most parents who send their kids to private school do so because they hope it will give them the best opportunities. By that, I mean better teaching, better teacher to pupil ratio, more time and effort taken to identify strengths and weaknesses etc. So perhaps if those children hadn’t gone to private school, they may not have achieve their uni places (all of which, especially Lancaster, are excellent unis, and being ‘packed to the rafters with state school children’ is not a reflection on anything other than the proportion of ADULTS at uni who were educated in the state vs private system).

Did you go to private school?
I found that the main difference in this regard is discipline and punishment. Poor behaviour was not tolerated at my school, the naughty kids were expelled.

I had this conversation with a friend… she told me her reasons were all about the pastoral not the academic, so I asked if she’d be bothered then if her DD came out of private schools with a load of 4s. She just said straight away “that won’t happen. No one gets 4s at that school, they’re all expected to get 7+”. So I think there clearly is an expectation!

Yeh, that sounds about right. Maybe not in the elite private schools where the kids that go there have family history going back 8 generations there or whatever, but in the regular ones mainly full of middle class children whose parents have seriously downgraded their lifestyle to afford it. My GCSE, A Level and Degree subject were heavily micromanaged and there was a huge amount of emotional blackmail on any child who chose to stray from traditional professional subjects. Nearly everyone studied medicine or law.

I'm sorry I get very tired of the stereotype that all private schools / private school families are like this / have this expectation.

For us who moved our SEN kids to private schools - we are just bloody happy they are getting an education any education rather than school refusing / dropping out of school etc. Seriously just want them to be happy and healthy.

Lots of private schools are not hot housing their kids - they provide nurturing environments with small class sizes for kids who need this.

Those saying “well you can get that in state” school are missing the nuance of the argument. The point is private school maximises your child’s chance of success. There’s nothing to say that they will succeed (whatever that means). Or that state school children won’t succeed. It’s just that they’re given maximum opportunity through smaller class sizes (both my children have classes of 13) and better resources.

@LucyLLL most people are middle class, middle earners and where I live uni educated. That is the average.
I don’t think young children should learn about abject poverty or lawlessness until an age where they can understand the root cause.
A private education will not stop a child from seeing homelessness, the drug addicted, alcohol abuse or domestic problems. But maybe it allows a gentler introduction to global unresolved issues.

No not at all! I don’t care what my children achieve - they aren’t commodities. I do however love the friends they make, the experiences they have and the happiness they have and the wrap around care / holiday cover we need .

It’s just a really nice experience and I think how lovely that is for them to be happy and content - worth paying for! Nothing to do
with academic success. They’ll be whoever they want to be when they’re older. In fact I think their experiences shows that you don’t have to conform into normal jobs, they could do ski seasons and just enjoy the simpler life .

I chose to send my children to private school for smaller class sizes, good facilities and for a broader education than they would have received at our local state schools. We believed the schools we chose would give them the best chance of being happy and having a good experience of school.

In comparison to our own experiences of state school years ago and from others children more recently, our children have had a far better experience in every aspect. It's never been about ROI, just what we believed was the best for them, to allow them to be confident and happy.

If one of my child became an influencer then I'd be concerned just like lots of parents would be. I'd worry about them getting involved in such a shallow industry. I also wouldn't encourage my children to be doctors though as that's a tough career. Ultimately they'll choose their own way in life and I'm happy with the schools we chose to give them a good start.

We’ve considered private for one of my dds for the sake of her happiness. Smaller classes, greater enrichment opportunities would help her where mainstream state school fails her (Sen). I absolutely do not imagine her going on to have a high flying career but if she’s happy that’s enough ROI for me

Absolutely not. I'd expect them to work hard and try everything to work out what their talents and passions are though.

I speak as someone who went to Oxford and is now a sahm and way way happier than I ever was using my degree, which I hated. No return on investment for me!

I'd be disappointed if they got trapped in a career they hated just because of the pressure. It's a bit sunken costs fallacy.

Having said that... I do hope my dc wants to be something more worthwhile than an influencer.

Exactly the same experience here! Totally transformational after a hellish state school experience. My child is so much happier. They are more rounded as they are allowed to express interests in so many areas without getting beaten up for being a weirdo anymore. Private schools teach children to respect other people in the way that no other school experience has time / energy for. We are not private school parents - my child’s siblings all go to state school and we didn’t go to private schools ourselves - but my goodness it has taken a child who was pretty much refusing to go and who can blame them and made them happy and whole again. Incredible.

And yes disruption and bullying is 1% of that experienced in state school - in our extremely limited experience. And no we couldn’t give a fig about ‘Return on Investment’. What a vile, transactional way to think of people you love!

100% this.

Our grandparents and parents made too many sacrifices to see us fritter away opportunities.

I wonder If this mindset is more common in people who had immigrant parents/grandparents. My mum never got a chance to study beyond a few years of primary because there was no secondary school in her village and only boys got to travel further for their education. My grandmothers are completely illiterate and were married by their mid teens.

All they ever wanted was for the daughters and grand daughters in particular, to have a chance at receiving an education.

This is absolutely the difference! Private schools can expel, whereas here in Scotland it’s impossible to permanently remove a child. The child knows it, and do whatever they like.

I did go to private school. In my 7 years at the school, no one was expelled or suspended. Actually there was no punishment system at all really, no detentions either

My kids go to private school and we sacrifice a lot for them to go. I want them to have options, support and a great experience. Would rather they didn’t go to university to be honest due to the debt they’ll be saddled with. A happy, well balanced young adult at the end of the process would be a win for me.

Of course they do. Same as grammar schools, you send your child there in hopes they'll perform better than average that will lead to better options in life.

There are obviously some children who go to private as there aren't any decent state alternatives, but lots are from rich families who want their children to have a step up.

If I paid £120k rather than use an average state system, I'd be pissed too if they ended up being 'influencers'.