Do people expect ROI after paying private school fees?

[Enrew]

By ROI, I mean getting into top unis/ prestigious job/ high performer in a sport etc?

I ask after a family friend spent around 120k on child's education and child dropped out of good uni course to become personal trainer/ influencer. Nothing wrong with that career choice imo but friend seems resentful/ annoyed that after spending so much money child won't be doctor/ lawyer / banker and they could have done this career regardless of where they went to school. It's as if they had expectations all along.

I have no experience of private school system myself and my DC will go to local state school but thinking about it if I was paying out thousands per year for DC to have top education, I'd probably have some extra expectations.

It does seem like a waste of money if nothing comes of it, I'd rather go on a family holiday

Don't joke about it if they are in earshot

My dd and son in law are more interested in a nurturing atmosphere, no class disruption, stimulating material (trips that tie in etc.)
And lastly the opportunity for further education. Not a guarantee to XYZ uni or connections to XYZ business sector.
Basically good childhood memories.

My experience, both as a pupil at a rural private school and as the parent of a child at a local prep school, was that there were two groups. The first were broadly those who had family money or a family business and weren't "academic" themselves (although often intelligent). They sent their child to a private school as they wanted their child to have a inice time at school and better facilities, smaller classes, a more varied curriculum and lots of trips lent itself to that. Then there were those (like me) who could afford the fees as we were in well paid professional jobs and wanted our DC to do well academically and make the most of the music/sport/theatre opportunities as we wanted our DC to have something on their "CV" for the next stage of education/life. The fact that a private school might give them more confidence was a bonus too. For the group I was in, we were essentially looking for some sort of return on investment as we wanted our children to be the best they could be and thought a private education would facilitate that.
That, though, is perhaps only relevant for the types of school I am familiar with. I think some of the London day schools would have more parents in the ROI camp than in the "have fun" camp.
What will be interesting, is if society does become more equitable with the old school network and so on counting for less as then those looking for an ROI might realise that they can't buy the opportunities they used to and therefore question whether it is worth it. If the private school label counts against them, then that, along with the imposition of VAT, could lead to some changes in the pupil body make up as people might not be prepared to make a bigger sacrifice for a reduced chance of an ROi

Everyone wants their kid to fulfil their potential. It shouldn't be dependent on how much money is spent on them. And I hope parents like this are screened out at selection

Not their kids fault their business was shit

I took full advantage of my private education and it's made me miserable but self sufficient.
My kids are in state school but I'd move them if they were unhappy and failing.
I just want them to be able to pay their way in life and be happy ultimately.

I’m sure plenty will come on here to say they don’t but in reality….of course they do. As someone who worked in a private hellhole school for a while, parents absolutely expected a return on their investment and were often angry when they felt they weren’t getting it.

Yes, on the fence here. I'm less diplomatic than you - I see a load of problems with becoming an influencer. Not a career I'd ever encourage and yes, would be disappointed if dc picked that.

But private school is no guarantee of a lucrative career. Neither should a young person feel they have to pick a career based on income prospects.

For families that have to scrimp and save to get their kids there...yes, they do expect ROI.

My DD1 went to school with a girl whose parents made insane sacrifices to pay fr private school. We're not just talking no holidays etc. We're talking going without meals, working two jobs, only having one pair of shoes etc - honestly, it was pretty shocking to see. But the local states were shit. People don't make that sort of decision to see a child throw it away on a degree in media studies.

Depends whether your idea of a stimulating career aligns with theirs.
Depends whether reaching their potential is important to them. How do you define reaching potential anyway?

I can see why you’d be disappointed if you spent 100K plus on education and your child chose not to work or to do a minimum wage job.

You are a fool if you do. Our children had a full all-round education with lots of sports, activities and friends. They finished school as well-mannered socialised people who had loved their school and were mindful of their privilege. They made lots of friends. They probably got better results than they would have elsewhere, but how would you know? One is a chef. The other an actor who works in restaurants. They are good people. They do have very nice friends from all over the world. They have resisted the alumni clubs particularly in London, but their friends are all members and are convinced the networking is useful.

We do it give our child the opportunity to become the best adult she can be. That means academic achievement to the best of her ability, but also emotional intelligence, working with people from diverse backgrounds, etc. I hope that includes a well- enough paid career for her to be comfortable but it is broader than that.

I'd be disappointed wherever she went to school if she became an influencer.

Friend of mine went to Eton, got 2 E’s at A level. Is a ‘photographer’. I don’t know anyone who went to private school who has a career any different or high earning from those who went to state. I do think if parents make sacrifices just for a private education then I can understand being frustrated if their children drop out or get into less successful careers but for those who have loads of money I can’t see them being that bothered as it’s affordable.

No. My eldest goes to a private school because she was bullied in primary and I felt she needed a small school where she wouldn’t be either lost in the crowd or heavily influenced by the ‘wrong’ crowd. I needed teachers to keep an eye on her as she’s also prone to coasting. I wanted her to have loads of opportunities to do the things she loves: acting, singing, performing. At the end of it all she can do whatever she wants to do as long as she’s done her best and been happy. My younger ones will hopefully go to grammar but they’re in prep now. I sent them because I wanted them to have a small school and because I wanted to give them the best educational opportunities available, pushing them towards grammar, yes, but not because I primarily want grades but because I want them to be erudite and love learning for the sake of it. Again, at the end, they can be whatever they want to be!

Unfortunately a lot of them do. My parents were upset when I was considering being a teacher after graduation. I ended up working/singing in bars for 10 years and meeting someone who they felt was highly unsuitable (they didn't speak to me for 2 years). I now have a fairly decent job at a University and have married my 'unsuitable boyfriend' - we've been together for 20 years and have 2 kids... my parents have chilled out now and even moved closer to us so they could see the grandkids more (oh and they love my full-time-musician-husband because he is a fantastic partner and Dad and our family is thriving). But growing up with emotionally detatched parents with high expectations isnt optimal; obviously I'm very fortunate to have grown up in a household with money and to have had my education invested in, but I'd be lying if I said total rejection by my parents wasn't very painful at the time. I truly felt they would never love or accept me unless I was financially successful and married to someone that they approved of; I was incredibly conflicted for much of my 20s as that didn't align with my values.

I went to private school, I knew what I wanted to do and didn’t need to go to uni but parents were so insistent that I went that I did. I dropped out and have worked in the public sector ever since in a job I love for not very much money. My parents always had aspirations for me to be a lawyer etc, they had no interest in me doing what I’m good at or what I wanted to do! I really felt a massive sense of disappointment from them and like they had wasted their money. It waste for me at all- you get so much more from private school than exam results, it just so happened that the things I enjoyed weren’t things my parents cared about.
If you send your kids to private school, don’t do it to satisfy your own aspirations for them, or to live vicariously through them.

My parents sacrificed a lot to send me and my DB to private school in the 80s/90s. Dad was in the Army and they worked abroad so not a lot of choice at that time. But it was a financial sacrifice.

DB was expelled at 16, didn't go to uni and now in our 40s he has a steady but low paid job he could have got without our parents' financial sacrifice. I went to a very good university and am a lawyer. Our parents definitely feel that "it wasn't worth it" at least 50%. I'm a parent myself and my children have been both privately and state educated. I just want them to end up happy. I don't care what they achieve financially or status-wise. But I can see my parents' point of view too.

For us it was about increasing the chances
(note no guarantee) of producing well-rounded children, maximising academic success and increasing the likelihood of them enjoying their school experience. So far so good I’d say. The self-confidence and high expectations my children set for themselves are priceless. Whatever they select to do in life, they will be better equipped for. Given the choice again I would not have any doubt about paying the fees.

There will be some with that view. I, personally, just want my child in a smaller school where her intelligence will be nurtured, her ND traits will be accommodated, and where she can get involved in multiple activities and try new things that I would not be able to provide otherwise.

I hope she makes the most of the opportunity she’s been given, but there are never any guarantees. She’s been told that if she wants to life the lifestyle she has now, she needs to pick a well paid job. I’ve also said that it’s best to have a job not tied to one country, as things are increasingly unstable and so it’s good to be able to move. But I’d tell her that in state school too, so it’s not a question of ROI, just of making sensible choices.

My two have that after attending state comps. And they fully understand their own privilege, which is priceless.

Of course we want them to take advantage of their privilege and opportunities. And to be honest I’d be a bit disappointed if all my dc aspired to be was an ‘influencer’🤨
But I would be more than happy with anything that keeps them busy and useful to society. It does need to pay the bills I’d hope but it doesn’t need to be big bucks!

Wow, what a crushing burden they placed on their child to succeed at all costs.

I cannot imagine the weight of responsibility they must have felt and still must feel to be 'perfect' and successful.

..A life lived for the parents and not themselves i'd imagine.

We send our children to private schools mainly to keep them away from badly behaved state school children. As long as they are happy I don't care what job they do. In fact, I would encourage them not to do some of those high stressed job you mentioned unless they had a particular passion to. Life is too short to be stressed if you don't need.to be.