To feel totally overwhelmed by all the ‘occasions’

[Liverpoolgirl50]

Christmas Eve boxes, Easter bunny presents, ‘boo baskets’, pumpkin picking, Halloween light trails, cake smashes, birthday parties. Jesus it’s like I can’t breathe sometimes.

I swear it’s getting worse too. Every time I go on social media there’s something new. Christmas toy workshops, Halloween kiddy afternoon tea, meet Santa at breakfast, teddy bear picnics at the garden centre, the polar express! I feel totally utterly overwhelmed by it all sometimes.

We are lucky that we can afford to treat our DD but where is the cut off and how much of this stuff is normal and expected now? I’m thankful we only have 1! FWIW, she’s only 2 so we can get away with doing minimal stuff at the moment but are kids going to grow up expecting it?

As a kid we got one Easter egg and were happy 😂

If you do all of those things your DD will appreciate nothing. Doing things occasionally makes them special.

Well put.

A good example to set for adult life, not falling for all the nonsense to celebrate so many things that have been added to try to get you to spend money over the last few years. Look at all the threads about hen and stag holidays not hen and stag nights, for example.

It's insane.

My DC are 18 now and we never did any of that shit. I don't think I even took them formally to see Santa, just at school fairs etc.

Hyped up expensive nonsense.

I was aghast 2 weeks ago as colleagues were booking in Santa visits before kids even went back to school.

Some of these things definitely don't exist in my circles, some of them some people dip in and out of. Just see it as nice things some people choose to do and see if you particularly fancy any of them but not as a to do list. I choose a couple of things to do at Christmas (maybe a light trail and one Santa visit), do a little Easter egg hunt at Easter, carve a pumpkin but ordered from Ocado and it doesn't feel too overwhelming. Sometimes I get a burst of enthusiasm, last year I made every inch or the world book day from scratch, including taking my toddler to the woods to pick twigs for her broomstick, but this Halloween will be costumes ordered from Amazon.

Not heard of half those things. They're optional, and your kid won't know about any of them either. Mine live in YouTube reels and don't know about those things! I just pick the stuff I like, we do a family Christmas Eve box, I put their Easter treats in an Easter basket, breakfast with santa is no more arduous than booking any other meal or Santa visit though mine are too old now. The elf can piss off that's more work than I'm interested in.

It's meant to be fun op, if you enjoy it, do it, if you don't, don't!

It’s not compulsory to do any of it.

Something the Gdcs really enjoyed, and that I thought lovely was before Christmas during the first lockdown. 24 houses in DD’s immediate area agreed for each day of Advent, to decorate a front window, so after dark the children would walk round and admire them.

I do quite a number of things on the list. Not because of social media, just because I want to make things special for my kid. I think adding a little bit of magic to occasions helps make them special and it breaks up the year if you have things to look forward to. It doesn't always need to be about buying stuff - lots of stuff in our Christmas eve box is reused! Why not go to a pumpkin patch and buy a pumpkin - it is much more special than buying it from Tesco? Why not have an Easter egg hunt - £1 for plastic eggs that can be reused?

Do whatever you want - not because people on social media told you to or because mumsnet told you not to.

I think there is a balance between the people on here who seem to do nothing to celebrate anything and the people who celebrate the opening of an envelope.

Cherry pick the things you want to do or make them your own. This is the beauty of starting your own traditions. Agree with not starting the elf, biggest mistake I ever made.

We never did Santa grotto or breakfast with Santa. Instead we'd visit a Xmassy garden centre and look at all the decorations. I do a Xmas eve box/ bag. This is just some new pj's, hot chocolate, popcorn and Elf DVD.

Easter is a few big eggs from relatives and a smaller egg hunt around the house. Other than chocolate for breakfast it is just a normal day.

We never really did anything for Halloween other than a spooky movie with sweets. They were 10 when they went trick or treating with friends.

This year I'd like to do the light walk, we've a few near us but they are quite expensive which has put us off in the past.

I’m in my 60’s and we didn’t do any of those things when I was a child.
However I have been able to do things as an adult; eg I have a beauty advent calendar and I am going on a light trail this year.
I am really excited about both of them but would I still get the same anticipation and excitement if I had done them for the last 60 years?
Save some of the joy for when you are older.

I know what you mean and mine is only 19months. We didn't do any of this stuff. We went to a free pumpkin patch last Halloween and may pay for one this year. We did a visit father Xmas which we always did as a child and that's it. Other people did soooooo much with their children last Xmas it was exhausting

If you parent by social media you are not doing it right

Christmas Eve boxes, Easter bunny presents, ‘boo baskets’, pumpkin picking, Halloween light trails, cake smashes

This is all twee, American-inspired, Instagram nonsense and it's painfully lower-middle. Just ignore/unfollow. Create your own traditions if you want them!

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

I’d never heard of the Elf until I read about it here, lying in bed waiting for DH to bring me my morning coffee.

I rather fancy the Elf, I think I will do it for DH, he likes a bit of fun and he’s only 77.

I picked YABU not because I disagree with you but because you need to not let it get to you.

Decide what you're happy to participate in and draw a line. You'd never catch me doing Elf on the Shelf, Christmas Eve boxes or Easter bunny whatever. We made our own traditions that we were happy with and I watched with a raised eyebrow the rising number of extras some friends did. Their choice but not mine.

Just do what you want to do- but moving a small toy before you go to bed takes a minute.

We do the elf but don't do any Christmas Eve boxes, boo boxes (I assume Halloween?) etc. We decorate the house for Halloween as the children love it and do an Easter egg hunt. That's all for us. I don't judge others that do more though- each family has their own traditions and make things special in their own way.

IVe looked at the Elf, it’s not very pretty. So I shall make one instead. It can report back to Keir and the thought police instead of Santa, that will keep it busy.

There was a book, years ago, flawed but at its heart was the idea of 'Affluenza" eating away at your family.
We took a long view with the kids, what sort of person do we want that 2year old to become. So a special Teddy is lovely, what about 10 special bears, 100? Everytime you pass a shop?

You do have to actually parent your kid quite thoughtfully when you feel out of step with society or your peers. We had to tread carefully around the friend who got a build a bear or outfit every time she saw her dad. That didn't take long to overwhelm.

Be confident in your thought process, discuss some of your reasons, do your own thing confidently and go high when presented with the crazy. "That must have been a busy weekend for your friend going to Lapland via Selfridges stopping to pumpkin pick. We had a busy weekend too with going to the park, swimming, brushing the dog and gardening with Granny."
Give your kids the words to talk back to the photo op over achievers.

This is why I got rid of that type of social media! It’s so freeing!!

Blimey, I haven't heard of half these in your OP! We did birthdays, Christmas and the tooth fairy and that was it. My kids wanted to go trick or treating so I let them but I didn't even do Halloween.

Christmas Eve boxes, Easter bunny presents, ‘boo baskets’, pumpkin picking, Halloween light trails, cake smashes, birthday parties. Jesus it’s like I can’t breathe sometimes.

Of all of those DD only had birthday parties as a child. Christmas Eve boxes were never a thing. I have no idea what a boo basket is. She went pumpkin picking in her last year at university. Never heard of a Halloween light trail. Cake smashes are a massive waste of resources and tacky and were never a thing.

YANBU.

Simple rules:

1. don’t do anything just for a cute photo
2. or to make a bloody memory
3. or because someone else might be doing it.
4. do it because you want it to be a family tradition
5. make it special by repeating each year
6. and thinking specifically about what your child likes
7. make sure treats aren’t normal because then they stop being treats.

I didn’t bother with half the stuff that was fashionable amongst parents when mine were little. I didn’t give them class birthday parties either. I didn’t make a big deal out of it so they didn’t notice or care.

In fact when I went to a seaside place with my 24DS the other day and reminiscing when we went there when he was around 10, he couldn’t remember a single thing about it. So a lot of this hoo-ha is pointless anyway. Not to mention wasteful… does the planet need more resources being turned into ‘boo boxes’? No. It doesn’t.

I think it’s very easy to say “just ignore social media” but the peer pressure it puts on children and parents is hard to ignore as well. Focus on building your own traditions rather than just endless consumption - my mum and I always went on a Christmas Eve walk to rate the decorations which I loved but I appreciate how hard it is to resist all the things you “have” to buy into to make something special.

Surely it's nice to have nice memories though? (Although I agree just to do what's right for you)

Totally agree @NothingMatter - I feel lucky that I have a group of friends who are similar in the way they bring up their kids. We do really enjoyable things like go to the beach, go on bikes, picnics, galleries, loads of enjoyable things, but I don’t believe that it’s possible to buy your way to happiness or happy memories.
Im lucky in that we are financially secure so we can have an ice cream or buy lunch when we’re out, and even I like a little souvenir of a day out (because I was never allowed as a kid!) but my kids know it’s a pencil or keyring, that kind of thing.

I don’t feel in any way that they’re missing out on all the random consumer shit pumped their way - but we are bringing them up not to just mindlessly consume and spend money for “stuff”.