In laws!!

[Hydref66]

What would you do with an in-law who constantly puts you down and makes every effort to make sure that you understand where you stand in the family (absolutely right at the bottom!!!) For context SIL is a very unpleasant person. Just the other day for example she asked why my DH (her brother) had been helping our best friends so much recently (they have just lost their baby and she is well aware of this!!?) when I tried to give her an answer (even though I was gobsmacked by such a question) eg “well thats just how DH is, he wants to help” she had the NERVE to tell me “I dont think its your place to tell ME about my own brother , your nothing here, not your place!” Erm excuse me?! 1) you asked the question (unbelievabley so!) 2) Erm I am his WIFE, carried and birthed his children?! Excuse me? This is just one example but god!!! WWUD? NC is so tempting but I want to give her a piece of my mind!

Why do you see her?

Well sil dh and I come as a pair so if I’m nothing then nor is he and we’ll be sure to avoid you in future.

FIL is ok (mother in law is similar to SIL but has the wisdom of life behind her and does at least make an effort to be understanding) but SIL lives with them so when we take DC to see grandparents we have to see her as well 🙈

Invite PILS to your house or out to lunch somewhere. Make it at a time SIL can’t come or be clear she isn’t invited.

What does DH say about her behaviour? If he isn’t telling her to shut up, he’s part of the problem.

Take a huge step back from the lot of them and give DH responsibility for dealing with the fuckers.

That would be it for me. From me she’d have got a mouthful there and then, but I suggest you now tell your DH that you no longer want your children around her. It’s really damaging for them to see a secondary family member insult their own mum and their own nuclear family. It’s unsettling and weird. You do not want a weirdo like this trying to undermine you - all that does is show your kids that their wider family is a bit wrong and a bit unstable.

See PIL without her. DH can tell her that she’s fallen foul of a far more important family member than she is, so she is cut out.

Just the other day for example she asked why my DH (her brother) had been helping our best friends so much recently
Just for more context did she ask you or did she ask him/both of you and you answered?

She asked me, DH was not in the room x

If you can't help but see her, I'd smile broadly and say 'oh SIL!' as if you're fond of her curmudgeonly ways
Really it's for your dh to sort out, no good will come of you trying to change someone else's family

Why didn't you just say to her 'You asked me a question and I'm giving you the answer'? You don't have to just stand there take it if she's rude to you! I would invite PIL to visit you at your house and avoid having to see her at all. If PIL ask why, just tell them you're sick of her being rude and nasty to you.

I think I was just so gobsmacked. You know when your so shocked by something you cant think untill its sunken in? Now im fuming!

I wouldn't see her again. Let DH see them himself or invite PIL to yours. If DH asks why tell him that his sister is incredibly rude and he doesn't stick up for you so you don't want to go.

Just remember (and remind her) your DH chose you. He got stuck with her.

What does your husband say about the situation?

Husband says he will call her out on her behavior and how she talks to be but has not done so yet which also really hurts me.

How old is this SIL ?

I would say to DH that I am done with SIL. I am not going to stop him taking child to grandparents house, but I am not going there with him if SIL is there. Alternatively, PILs can come to our house or we can meet somewhere else. Happy to see PILs, but done with SIL

And leave it for him to sort out and speak to SIL.

Just say "right well don't ask me why your brother is doing something then have a fucking go when I tell you exactly why your brother is doing something because you already know the answer you daft twat" I get that some people don't want to make things worse or upset the in laws but fucking hell what's the alternative? Nobody speaks to me like shit without getting it back and I don't care who they are. She sounds like a nob

SIL is 44

I’d be telling her to shut the fuck up, then have nothing more to do with her. Simples 😊

Your husband needs to read her the riot act, no way would I be happy with my husband being all meek and pathetic while someone disrespected me like that. He needs to bring her down a few pegs, and you need to just stand up for yourself!

"Oh get fucked Susan, don't ask a question and then get arsey when I answer it." Who cares if you upset her? She doesn't mind upsetting you!

She absolutely thrives on it!

This x 1000000000

You are the one who continues to engage with these people. You have the privilege to choose not to. This is a You problem.

I wouldn’t engage with her. Or if I did it would be right back along the lines of …
”Oh Sally you are a one off aren’t you. But I suppose you don’t have much life experience still living at home with your parents in your mid forties”.

I just choose not to engage with people like that.

Though I did put SIL firmly in her place when I mentioned DH's family (me and kids) in a harmless context and she had to correct me that, "WE are his family!" "SIL, you are now extended family. His immediate family is me and the kids." All she did was scowl back.