To keep making this dinner

[Soitis83]

So, once a week I'll make a pasta and the sauce I make by myself. I roast loads of veg and blitz it in the blender with coconut milk. My two year old loves it, I love it and my husband loves it. Problem is, my 4 year old (who used to devour the whole plate) has now decided he hates it and refuses to eat it the last two times I've made it. Do I stop making it as it makes dinner time so stressful, or do I carry on making it as everyone else enjoys it and it's healthy? Making two separate dinners is just not an option as I also have a 3 month old and cooking dinner is hard enough as it is!

Do you think he might like some of the veggies raw, like crudités, before he eats his pasta and cheese? Perhaps with some hummus to dip?

I hated cooked carrots as a child, so Mum used to give me them raw- no drama.

I didn’t like fish either, so I used to get a lump of cheese, or a hard boiled egg with the rest of the meal they were having. Just a small tweak, but enough for a peaceful meal for all.

I learnt from her and never forced my kids to eat stuff they didn’t like, but nor would I make a whole different meal for them. They both have a great relationship with food now, as do I.

This is an eat up the dinner or get down from the table moment . No argument or cajoling. The little.love is trying it on.

I am sooooo glad you are not my mother

my mum has lived with an eating disorder her whole life from being forced to eat things she found disgusting, or to eat beyond feeling full.
she rarely enjoys eating now. views it as a chore that is necessary, and something to be endured, not enjoyed.
she was very careful not to treat me the same way, and I'm an adventurous eater. I love trying all kinds of different foods. I don't have a large appetite, I'm more of a grazer, but I was always encouraged to at least try things, but if I didn't like something, or didn't feel like eating much, it never became a battleground. I have a healthy relationship with food, and enjoy both cooking and eating, albeit smaller portions than most people would have.
being forced to eat everything does not foster a healthy relationship with food.

Maybe he just doesn't like it anymore and I'm okay with that. I won't force him to eat what he doesn't like and equally I don't want him to go hungry just because he didn't like his dinner. He's only 4 years old. Even as adults if we have a dinner and we don't eat it because we don't like it, we would just eat something else. Last way I want to raise my kids is the same way my mum did me

Perhaps you should add some garam masala and some tabasco, just to make sure you've ticked off a few more international cuisines in one dish!

In my house (4 kids, 2 adults) I am very used to serving deconstructed dinners!

A pasta dinner in my house might look like plain pasta in a serving bowl, a jug of tomato passata sauce, a jar of pesto, and a bowl of grated cheese. Everyone then has what they want.

Fahjita night might look like a plate of wraps, a bowl of plain chicken, a bowl of spiced chicken a bowl of veg, a bowl of cheese. Everyone has what they want.

Roast dinners are easy! Just everything in serving bowls and they have what they want.

I once read a book called French Children Don't Throw Food. The only thing I remember is the concept of "the division of responsibility". It means it is my job to serve good nutritious food, and it is there job to eat it. They can't interfere with my job and I can't force them to eat. It has got me through several fussy patches with all my kids, but they all mostly eat most things most of the time now!

I'm unsure of the sign off.
Are you "lady" or is the poster?
😂

Maybe she signs everything off with 'lady' ? 😂

At the risk of bumping this when my reply is off topic.. I tried a butternut squash version of this tonight! And it was bloody delicious!

I added garlic, chilli, salt & pepper and some dried sage. Absolutely can't taste any coconut at all just a lovely creaminess. I just came on my period and this is like Mac and cheese for the soul but without drowning myself in cheese!

No to all the naysayers, don't judge unless you actually try it 😊

I'm cracking up at the number of people getting annoyed at the idea of coconut milk in their pasta. It's pretty standard in a lot of pasta recipes - I didn't realise it would be such a hot point 😂

Had you had aby ideas of youe own about how to deal with him?

Yes ! I've done butternut squash with it too and it works perfect ! Glad you enjoyed it. Funny coincidence..it's my fave meal for that time of the month 😂

I was either going to stop making it altogether, or keep making it and hoping he decided he likes it again. My brain only went as far as that I'm afraid. 3 under 5, one being a sleep fighting 3 month old, will do that to you.

I had no idea that would get attacked. I knew my parenting would cus you know, Mumsnet. But I was blindsided by the attack on coconut milk 😂

Then I'll share a soup I make:
roast then puree squash with some fresh ginger,
place into soup pot and add a can of coconut milk,
stir, heat, serve. Season with s&p per your taste.
Super simple and comforting.
I also make using sweet potatoes.

I actually think this sauce sounds quite nice, I'd definitely try it as we both need to eat more veg. I'd maybe then eventually serve it incorporated into something else as I have a couple of other meals I'd like to tweak to include it (we probably need to eat less pasta here!) but it sounds tasty.

I'm also a former very fussy and still relatively fussy eater and I've probably got some of the same issues (and a couple of opposite issues) as @CrowleyKitten 's mum - quite frankly due to meddling from others. Whilst you do eventually want him to eat this, the key things for me are no forcing, no pressure and listening if comments about struggling with textures or something as you can probably adapt and overcome with trial and error or by serving it on the side and letting him decide when he's ready to try again. There are foods I won't eat to this day because they smell "wrong" or the feel of them in my mouth has previously given me the heaves. School dinners and encouraged plate clearing have A LOT to answer for.

In your instance OP, I'd serve DS plain pasta with a very small amount of butter stirred in and a small ramekin of grated cheese to add himself- you can still control how much goes into a ramekin in the first place. I'd then do a separate small ramekin with some sauce in it. Just keeping offering it every meal, no commentary on whether it's eaten or not. I read the other day that fussiness peaks at 7 and then declines and mostly drops off after 12- you will eventually be able to serve it on his pasta again. If offering it on the side doesnt work after a set amount of time then I'd maybe take it out of rotation or try something else on your pasta until he has forgotten and try again. You could try the frozen into cubes method in the interim to bring it back out and feed your toddler if there's the opportunity to do do.

I do otherwise have to agree with a few of comments here though. There's a bizarre obsession for just plonking all sorts of veg or random meats in pasta in the UK. For me, personally this is butchery. I do try not to do this, or at least try to be more sympathetic to combinations. A couple of the suggestions upthread sound truly revolting to me.

Sounds great OP, i used to do the same and drop cream cheese in it and my children loved it too.
Give the child plain pasta with butter and grated cheese instead.
2w
Another great super quick dish my children loved was boiled pasta, peas and a couple of eggs in one pot.
Scoop out the hard boiled eggs and peel.
Drain the pasta and peas add a squirt of mayo or some butter, grate the egg into the pasta, grate some cheese in and mix the lot.
Delicious and filling.
Perfect for a fast lunch or dinner.
My friend did it one day and all the children demolished it, including mine...so I stole it😁

Just to stir up a Hornets nest Oi fo an almost identical vegetarian sauce (is minus chicken) and put in kefir not coconut milk! 😏 Its very nice