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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My DS accidentally hurt his friend

81 replies

PGBland · 18/09/2024 16:50

I was taken to one side after school today as my DS has accidentally hurt another child (they are friends) apparently they were play fighting (not ideal anyway!) and he just caught this boy wrong.

I know who the boy is, and I don’t think his mum likes me very much anyway. So I’m pretty anxious about this incident now, if she was more approachable I wouldn’t feel so bad, but I do feel quite intimated by her.

The teacher told me that my DS was really honest and came to tell her what he’d done straight away. So wasn’t trying to hide it or pretend he hadn’t done it.

What do you think my next steps should be? I’m going to be worrying about this for days now! (I have ADHD and quite severe RSD so I’m panicking).

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 18/09/2024 16:52

I wouldn't give it any further thought. My son either gets injured or someone else does every second day - if it wasn't intentional it is no big deal.

Mabelface · 18/09/2024 16:54

You don't need to do anything. School has dealt with it and it's done and dusted.

Pippa12 · 18/09/2024 16:55

Children play fight and occasionally get hurt. He didn’t deny it and (assume) he apologised. How hurt is the other child- bruised etc or broken arm? If it’s just a minor injury the other mum would look a fool to kick off over this.

Try not to worry.

NewYearNewMeMamma · 18/09/2024 16:56

Honestly, I'd not even worry. Children are children and it's been dealt with and your child came clean. It happened in school so leave it at that.

msmatcha · 18/09/2024 16:57

I would approach the mum and just say you're sorry DS accidentally hurt her DS. Tell her he was a bit sad about it as they are friends and you just wanted to check he was ok. Do not be overly apologetic or anything, it's no big deal, just a little accidental injury. But nice to say something I think.

Newsenmum · 18/09/2024 16:58

How badly was he hurt? I’d probably say oh hi I hope xxxx is ok. If it’s minor stuff like pushing and pulling I’d leave it .

Original poster
PGBland · 18/09/2024 16:59

@Pippa12
Apparently a bit of a red mark on his tummy

OP posts:
millymoo1202 · 18/09/2024 17:01

There’s nothing to do, you’ll just be creating drama if you approach the Mum. They’re children and will get hurt, hrs owned it so that’s good

Sassybooklover · 18/09/2024 17:03

You do absolutely nothing. Tell your son that although he hurt someone, it was an accident and he was honest with the teacher, and that you are proud of the fact he was honest. I work in a school and have 12 years school experience in a support role. You will be surprised how many children will lie to your face, regardless if the incident was an accident or not! Lying is part and parcel of children, but the earlier they learn to tell the truth if something goes wrong, is much better. The school pulled you to one side and explained the situation. It's a school matter, and if the other parent has an issue, then they take it up with the school, not you personally. If the incident happened outside of school, then obviously, of course they should approach you directly.

Original poster
PGBland · 18/09/2024 17:09

I suppose I’m just worried it’s another way to show dislike towards me and my DS if you see what I mean.

OP posts:
kittylion2 · 18/09/2024 17:13

I wouldn't approach the parent at all. Something similar (well, worse) happened to my son thirty odd years ago!! Another boy bit him and the staff explained to me and apologised and described the situation - a squabble. I was OK with it - these things happened.

But then the mother of the biter approached me - at first full of apologies to which I just said no problem, but then she escalated into saying that this was very out of character for her son and implying that my son must have been in the wrong first. Obviously her feelings had got the better of her. It would have been far better if she had just left it to the staff and not got involved, she only made things feel worse and I felt quite wary of her after that.

KnickerlessFlannel · 18/09/2024 17:14

I would speak with my child and advise that play fighting isn't ideal, and to refrain from that in the future.

loropianalover · 18/09/2024 17:15

I wouldn’t approach the other mum in this situation. School has handled it, it was accidental, and there is no major injury or broken skin. Remind your son not to be too rough at school and don’t give it another thought.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/09/2024 17:17

PGBland · 18/09/2024 17:09

I suppose I’m just worried it’s another way to show dislike towards me and my DS if you see what I mean.

If she doesn't care for you anyway, who cares? The kid got a red mark, he's fine.

I wouldn't give this another thought except to tell your son that roughhousing isn't an acceptable way to play.

mollyfolk · 18/09/2024 17:28

Don't worry about it. It was an accident, kids hurt themselves playing all the time.

ComtesseDeSpair · 18/09/2024 17:29

You need to separate your own insecurities from the situation. It’s okay if this woman doesn’t like you, few people like or get on with everyone they come into contact with, her disliking you has no impact on you, so let that bit go. The school will have told her exactly what they’ve told you about the accident: that both boys were roughhousing, there was no malice, and DS told a teacher that his friend was hurt which is what friends do. If you tend towards anxiety anyway then I suspect she’d find you approaching her with a big flappy anxious apology will just make the whole non-event unnecessary awkward.

Noseybookworm · 18/09/2024 17:41

I wouldn't approach the child's mother. Presumably your son had apologised to his friend and they've been told not to play fight any more? I'd leave it at that.

stonedaisy · 18/09/2024 17:58

If you have the mums details I'd send a nice note saying sorry and that you hope her son is ok now

Original poster
PGBland · 18/09/2024 17:58

What about getting my son to write a sorry note and giving it to his friend tomorrow?

OP posts:
stonedaisy · 18/09/2024 18:01

Yes that would be really sweet

NavyCream · 18/09/2024 18:05

If the mum was friendly I might mention it to her and say your son owned up and felt bad, but since she's intimidating and unfriendly I wouldn't bother and just leave it. It sounds like your ds will be more careful next time. It was mature of him to own up.

Original poster
PGBland · 18/09/2024 18:08

I might go for the picture and sorry picture maybe - or is that too over the top?

OP posts:
Original poster
PGBland · 18/09/2024 18:15

Picture and sorry message that should say

OP posts:
Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 18/09/2024 18:21

How old are they?

saraclara · 18/09/2024 18:22

PGBland · 18/09/2024 18:08

I might go for the picture and sorry picture maybe - or is that too over the top?

Too over the top.

Seriously, this happened in school, the teacher dealt with it. You don't need to give it a thought.

Draw a line under it, and in the unlikely event that the other parent asks you about it, direct her to the teacher, because you weren't there when it happened. You can simply say that you've told your son to be careful in future, and that play fighting is a bad idea.

If he writes a sorry letter, he may well be teased for it. He's apologised already. Let it lie.