My DS accidentally hurt his friend

[PGBland]

I was taken to one side after school today as my DS has accidentally hurt another child (they are friends) apparently they were play fighting (not ideal anyway!) and he just caught this boy wrong.

I know who the boy is, and I don’t think his mum likes me very much anyway. So I’m pretty anxious about this incident now, if she was more approachable I wouldn’t feel so bad, but I do feel quite intimated by her.

The teacher told me that my DS was really honest and came to tell her what he’d done straight away. So wasn’t trying to hide it or pretend he hadn’t done it.

What do you think my next steps should be? I’m going to be worrying about this for days now! (I have ADHD and quite severe RSD so I’m panicking).

Going to get teacher assistance for his hurt friend and one verbal apology is entirely sufficient for a small red mark caused during mutual play fighting. Praise your son for being honest and telling the teacher, and calmly discourage more playfighting because it's too easy to accidentally hurt someone. Then leave it.

It's understandable to be anxious about other parents judging or such but all of this talk of approaching the mom yourself or having your DS make a card or picture or gift or apologize again is just centering the adults feelings instead of the children's best interests. Blowing this out of proportion isn't fair to your DS - it's one way children develop excess anxiety about making mistakes or upsetting people, and it will only discourage him from owning up to things in the future.

Just leave it, school have sorted it and it was an accident.

The note / picture is a nice idea but I’d only do this if your son feels bad wants to make more amends. Little kids do things like this ALL the time, you need not anguish yourself. Also I wouldn’t assume mums lack of play date follow up is anything to do with you, she might just be busy/forgeful/not super focused on kids play dates. I wouldn’t bring it up again, but I’d just assume neutrality rather than infer some like/dislike. Most people are busy with own lives to think much of other parents they don’t really know.

I'm going through this at the moment, if it's a parent I already know, I have said I'm sorry this happened and we've had a chat with dc about this. If its a parent I don't know, I leave it, but am prepared to say the same if they approach me. Our teacher said there's no need for me to do this, it's dealt with in school.
I wouldn't do the letter or picture thing as your re hashing this with your son, who would of moved on from the incident. Maybe on route to school talk about what type of day he's going to have and what that looks like, e.g a good day with kind hands and listening ears.
I get the anxiety though!

Don't approach the mum, especially as she doesn't seem to be particularly friendly. To be honest, for all school issues with other kids, leave it to the school.

These things happen at school a lot, it could have been your son that was hurt when they were play fighting. Speak to your son about being careful and then forget about it.

As far as the other kid and their parent go - leave well alone.

Your kid - small chat about how bad he felt connect that to ''and this is why play fighting is a poor choice of game to play."

Then move on.

Id do nothing. School have dealt with it. If she mentions it to you just say "yes X is sorry your dc got hurt while playing yesterday , how is he?"

But otherwise leave it.

let it go. Anything else is making him act on your insecurities. That is wrong

Perfectly put.

You’re going to end up making this a bigger deal than it needs to be to your son if you sit him down and make him write a sorry note. He went and showed accountability immediately by telling his teacher and I’m sure they dealt with it well. It’s kids playing - please just leave it at that, and move on.

The teacher probably hasn't told the other parent which child it was. Where I work it would just be a calm
"So Billy was playing with another child, they were both playfighting and Billy ended up getting a little bit hurt. The other boy came and told us straight away and apologised, we have had a look, he's got a little red mark on his stomach but he seems fine and we have spoken to them both about not being silly in the classroom,"
So the only way she will find out that it was your son is if her own child tells her.

The other mother should know that this kind of thing happens between kids all the time and her son wasn't entirely innocent, he was joining in with the playfighting. Don't approach her but if she has a go at you, do what others have said and direct her to the teacher.

Absolutely don’t do this. It’s done and dusted and the school has dealt with it.

Oh please. If the other mum gets sulky about that she shouldn’t be having children. They muck around, they sometimes get hurt. I thought you were going to say the other kid needed stitches or had a black eye!

No other action required. Your kid has apologised and feels bad, job done.
I guess the other boy was a willing participant in the play fight.

Well scho

Well school dealt with it so I'd leave it.

I had the same situation. I got D's to make a card with Sorry I hurt you inside and he put a packet of Haribos inside too . . . It helped him to feel a lot better.

Exactly

Leave it. School have dealt with it.

However do think about working on stopping your child play fighting. I would have declined play dates with a play fighter - in fact I did sometimes. Play fighting is just not good and I'm not surprised the other parent isn't keen.

@bergamotorange Her DS also play fights though.

Least said soonest mended. School has dealt with it, it doesn't always help getting involved or talking to the other parent so I wouldn't give it another thought.

The school have dealt with it, if mum approached you in playground say I've told DS his behaviour was not on. *but only if she approached you)
Your anxiety might be making a mountain out of a molehill, you'll create drama.
Your son said sorry, they are still friends.

Accidents happen all the time with kids, it's just part of growing up! Don't worry, it's normal stuff.

Don't worry about it. It's been sorted.
If you are really anxious and feel you need to speak to the mother just say you're sorry that your DS hit hers accidentally and he was upset and owned up to the teacher straight away. Say how much your DS values her son as his friend. If she's an adult, she'd realise these things happen.
The school have dealt with it appropriately, don't fret.
My DS broke his fist on a wall play fighting with his friend - things happen with children, his pal ducked. I just told him off for doing it and took him to A&E. He's 45 now, and still good friends with the same lad.

OP, what's made you think the mum doesn't like you?

Teach your son to be gentle. (Kind hands)

There is no need to apologise to the other mother. They are only five years old.

It sounds like you are overthinking this situation because you are worried about being disliked.

Try to work on your anxiety.

If you had simply said, "I am so sorry about that. We will work on being gentle in the future," that would have been polite. However, worrying and mentioning that it was accidental might make her defensive, as if you are blaming her son.

Just leave it as it is.

Please stop worrying. You are clearly a good mother. What she thinks of you is her business. Unfortunately, we cannot be friends with everyone. It is not nice, but that is life. You will encounter stuck-up or overprotective mothers on the playground. Just keep to yourself.

Loads of people look intimidating but are actually really nice. I myself have been told countless times that "I look like a bitch" 🤣🤣 I'm not! Maybe she's the same and your worrying about nothing 🤔

Also the playdate thing, I wouldn't read to much into that! Loads of people avoid school mam friends for various reasons. It's quite often more trouble than it's worth.