My DS accidentally hurt his friend

[PGBland]

I was taken to one side after school today as my DS has accidentally hurt another child (they are friends) apparently they were play fighting (not ideal anyway!) and he just caught this boy wrong.

I know who the boy is, and I don’t think his mum likes me very much anyway. So I’m pretty anxious about this incident now, if she was more approachable I wouldn’t feel so bad, but I do feel quite intimated by her.

The teacher told me that my DS was really honest and came to tell her what he’d done straight away. So wasn’t trying to hide it or pretend he hadn’t done it.

What do you think my next steps should be? I’m going to be worrying about this for days now! (I have ADHD and quite severe RSD so I’m panicking).

@Dolliesdisasterousdayout

They are 5

Invite the boy over for a play date or trip to the park.

That way both you and your son can show the mum and her boy that you aren’t what they think you are.

I tried inviting for a play date a while back - it was never taken up, just said she’d let me know and never did. I tried asking again but it sort of didn’t go anywhere.

There’s two or three boys who get hurt playing/ messing most days. If your ds was honest about it I wouldn’t worry (probably wouldn’t worry either way as long as the teacher knew what happened and the boy was ok)

Just tell your son he needs to find a new game as play as fighting just leads to someone getting hurt. The mum already doesn't like you/your son by the sounds of it, so this isn't going to make much difference I doubt! You can't control how they behave at school but definitely discourage play fighting. Praise him for going straight and telling the teacher though.

They do get on and play together. They are very good friends and have been for a long time.

I assume your son has already apologised and said sorry. I think a note and picture are overkill, and if the mother doesn’t like you already you are handing her something to possibly use against you. “ I can see @PGBland s hand all over this pathetic note and picture. I suppose she thinks that makes it ok that her child has hurt another child , just as long as they sorry…….”

it has been dealt with by the school. If she does approach you remind her of that and tell her that your child did apologise for something that was accidental.

Ok, I’ll avoid the picture and sorry message then. As it’s been sorted by the school shall I just leave it then? I just feel so uneasy about the whole thing.

Picture, little card, a small note it's fine! Whatever you think is best or can get your lad to do. Don't stress too much x

I may look at getting him to draw a little picture and write:
’To … sorry for accidentally hurting you yesterday while we were playing, love from ….’

That's what I'd do.. it costs nothing
Maybe the mum might lighten up a bit and get you talking?

Please just leave it. The school have dealt with it. Your DC has took ownership.

Nothing else to do/say.

If it makes OP feel better and it's a little kind gesture why are you pleading with her not too? I might thaw out the mum a little

It might thaw out the mum I mean

Really, don't do this. I'm sure the teacher would have asked your son to apologise already. You are making far too much of this. You seem overly concerned about this mother disapproving of you.

I would do nothing - sounds like they were both play fighting. So it could have been your Ds that got hurt

I think you are massively overthinking - school deal with in school issues .

I suspect how you feel this mum feels about buy and your Ds is the influencing your response.

let the boys been school friends

I wouldn't get your son to write a note unless he's the one that's suggested it. It feels like he's being encouraged to dwell on something that was an innocent accident. He's done the right thing by letting the teacher know and apologising at the time, it sounds like he's a considerate little boy.

This is just the first of lots of playground accidents and friend issues. Seriously, stop dwelliing on it and don't make your child dwell on it. It was an accident and one that the school managed. He's already apologised. The picture and yet another apology are not needed and might be used against you or him.

I'm a retired teacher. This is just very minor playground incident, and you need to learn to chill. .

It's play fighting, it's what boys do...my cousin threw me through a glass cocktail cabinet. Which I reminded him of in my best man's speech!

Don't worry about it, the boys would have forgotten about it by tomorrow and be fighting again

Don’t do anything, certainly don’t approach the parent, either directly or through making your child write a note.

If the parent approaches you, tell them the school has dealt with the incident and direct them to speak to school. If they approach your child, tell the school.

Don’t do that. Overkill.

listen to everyone else. It was handled at school. Have a follow up chat with him about play fighting, and then let it go. Anything else is making him act on your insecurities. That is wrong. He and his mate probably didn’t skip a beat with the incident and it’s long forgotten. You making a thing out of it will make things worse for both boys.

It's perfectly normal for children to have accidents, they're 5, they're learning.

Focus on other mums who you have a good rapport with and perhaps arrange other play dates. You can't be everyone's cup of tea, try not to worry about this particular mum. Sounds like a her problem, don't waste another moment worrying about her.

It would be bad to get him to do a picture or whatever, because grovelling tends to make people like you less, rather than more.

Oh wow i wouldn't think anything of it. At that age a little boy who was my daughters best friend for years almost fractured her wrist by accident. She knew he didn't mean it.
Another boy actually fractured her wrist years later and again, DD knew he didn't mean to do it. One boy was Aspergers like my daughter and the other one she said she though he has ADHD and tried his best to appologise.LOL she was cranky at that one for a moment as it was painful on contrete push.. but got over it and they all get on. I hold nothing against the kids or parents.

Seriously, leave it. The school have dealt with it.

You are making more out of this than it is. You are taking a very minor incident where both kids were play fighting and turning in to some big thing.

If you make your child write notes and draw pictures, it is going to give the other mum ammunition to dislike you more because it will make her think this is some sort of big assault on her child by yours.

She doesn't like you, deal with it. Don't go creeping to her trying to make her like you. It won't work and very well could make it worse. She could veto her child from being friends with yours at all.