How much time do you have for yourself per week if you have a child?

[mumdone1]

I probably am being unreasonable but I am at my wits end. I feel like I have no time really just for me. DP does his share of parenting but it’s just relentless and I’ve recently become very very envious of my single friends with kids. They are frazzled during the week but then the weekend comes and they both have either a day or two days to basically do as they please. They’ve also each had long weekend breaks abroad, one alone and the other went with a childless friend. I know DP would be happy for me to arrange a one of trip like that but I find that the weeks pass and I don’t ever get me time. I do go to the gym and I go out to the hairdressers etc when it suits which I appreciate my single parent friends can’t do but I would honestly love love love to know the weekend arrives and I can have a block of time to do something or do nothing. AIBU to expect to have this time? Do others have it? I don’t feel like a gym class and random hair appointments etc are really ‘time off’ from parenting. Pretty miserable about it all.

Very little time off when mine were younger tbh, but getting your DH to take them out for a few hours on the weekend so you can chill is not unreasonable- this is what we did

Quite a lot! Ours is in bed by 20.00 latest (sometimes earlier), so we have a full evening together. I try and finish work a bit earlier so have an hour just to myself before everyone gets home.

I don’t count evenings as time to myself though as they can wake at any time. Even if they don’t you’re still technically needed.

Similar to other posters I have evenings and also a day during the week when mine is at nursery and I am not working.
Technically with young children you are always potentially needed unless you get away for a period of time and leave them with partner or family I suppose. I have managed three weekends away in 3 years.

Our child is still a baby but still have I’d say a decent amount of time to myself as in I’m happy with it and actually wouldn’t want any more right now. A long bath while husband watches her after work, time to watch tv/read once she’s asleep, gym/run a few times a week.

I had to wait 11 years but I stayed part time when the youngest went to school so I get 6 hours a week during term time to myself and it’s delightful.

We don’t have family that’ll take them
so beyond DH solo parenting for a purpose like the hairdressers, it’s just been us. It was an adjustment but we’re used to it now. Try not to be envious of single parents though, it’s obviously all or nothing for them.

I have one under one and at the moment I have from 7pm to midnight 🤣 a little bit more if I put baby down for a day nap in the cot instead of a contact nap. Im hoping this will improve!
I'm torn between being one and done and having a second baby.

Really, I definitely count it! We have elaborate dinners, cocktail hour, watch a film, read a book, play/listen to music. Ours rarely wakes up though.

I go out with my friends a couple of times a month for drinks/dinners too. We usually do family things at the weekend, but sometimes my husband takes them out on his own for swimming/park/scooter etc.

Well I always had 8 hours off as I've been a single parent but that means I have every other day completely 'on'. Every sleepless night, every sickness, every inset day, every friend's birthday, every supermarket shop (or just nipping to the shop for milk), every school holiday, every time I was ill, the entire mental load and the juggling that comes with it.

On my day 'off' for 6 years I did an OU degree to increase my earning potential so we didn't live in poverty. I choose not to date and I choose not to have more than one child because as great as she is they are exhausting.

Now DD is a teen I have more free time than I know what to do with. Run her about to her hobby a couple of times a week but other than that every evening is pretty free as she does her own thing.i go to London fairly frequently for work so will fit in sometime in the afternoon to wander or go to a show.

If you aren't getting free time that's a priority or husband issue but being envious of your single friends isn't going to help you solve that.

I know it works differently for everyone, but if you're not feeling evenings etc are 'yours', maybe try splitting them with DP so you get a few weeknights each? If it's your night 'on' then bedtime, tidying, life admin falls on you. But if it's your night off take the time to do whatever!

Or aim to have, say, a weekend each per month where the other solo parents and you can crack on with your plans!

(I say this naively as a single parent who has 100% responsibility for DS and a terminally ill DM, but who daydreams this is IDYLLIC after reading it suggested on other mumsnet threads)

I can have time to myself but equally want to spend time with my kids, but they’re at school in the week. You don’t need to take a gym class if that feels like work, send your husband out to somewhere with your child and relax at home.

But reality check OP, with young children you are always needed- you don’t get whole weekends off, Sundays to clean and chill.

I had quite a lot. Dh (now ex but for other reasons) and I prioritised it and I believe we were right to. Vital. So, a good 6-7 straight hours to ourselves every weekend. I chose hockey, he chose golf. Still PLENTY of time for kids and family. It's not one or the other. I was a sahm so had loads of time with dc in week.

Why not look on Travel lodge / Premier Inn and find when they do their cheapest night? Go, enjoy a bath, hot meal, book and TV to yourself and a goodnight sleep.
Alternate so your DH gets a break too.

If evenings don't count, and the gym doesn't count, and the hairdresser doesn't count, what does count?

@DreadPirateRobots having a full day once a week so more than 5 hours at a time

A full day off from parenting a week- yep sorry OP this is unrealistic- I wouldn’t expect a dad or mum to be afforded such a luxury.

I have evenings from 7, and 2 evenings a week i am out from 5-8 at my gym classes. Then usually i have sunday morning to myself to do what i want as DH has saturday mornings to himself

Zero when DS was young, but I'm a lone parent.

Now he's 16, plenty.

Probably 4 hours a week but they’re always while doing something else usually -

choir - 1.5 hours, ok that is 100% for me and focussed
2 hour lie in at weekend if I’m lucky - will usually also do an Ocado shop, school admin etc while lying there
Am in bed for an hour now before work so that’s nice but very rare. Am also Xmas shopping etc so still on the clock of running the house and family (ie - making Xmas happen!)

I will walk to work later so that will be 30 mins headspace.

Other than that it’s go go go! Even the nights I’m on at the mo as DD is up all night lately! She was in our bed 11pm-7am last night and that still feels like being on the clock as you just don’t sleep the same.

Nope. Zero. Zilch.

I just keep telling myself that it will get better for me-time when the kids are older and that’s all that gets me through.

Also decided not to have the nice big age gap I’d planned because as hellish as this is I can’t imagine getting to a good place and starting again.

My son is 15 months old and I’ve had one day to myself since he’s been born. My husband bought me a spa day for my birthday and looked after the baby (with the help of his parents) while I went. That’s it.

That's not realistic with very young children. It's just not.

I'd say that I get ample me-time these days (my DC are mid and older primary) but rarely full days other than the odd special occasion, for instance when I'm going to the spa for my birthday in a few weeks. But I can go to the gym, I can go out with friends, I can go out shopping alone for a few hours, etc...

If you really want whole days then you will have to use a few days of annual leave while DC are in childcare. I used to do this once or twice a year when they were very small. It's no longer workable now they're school age.

Work full time, 2 young children. I go out two evenings a week to a running club - each
session is an hour long and with travel I am home by 7:45 pm. Sometimes I manage a third evening doing a gym class - again, out for a similar amount of time. More recently I’ve been running for between 1-3 hours on a weekend morning. That’s it for me beyond the odd cinema trip or night out to the pub with friends - probably every other month. I don’t really get to do anything just with my husband and we don’t have childcare outside of working hours.

2 under 2 so no time ha ha. Brought the youngest to the hairdressers with me last week. He was grand. Nodded off to the sound of the hairdryers. Might get back to the gym next year.

If you think single parents are living the dream then kick your husband out and get every second weekend off.

It sounds like you get plenty of time tbh, you just don't think it counts for some reason.