How much time do you have for yourself per week if you have a child?

[mumdone1]

I probably am being unreasonable but I am at my wits end. I feel like I have no time really just for me. DP does his share of parenting but it’s just relentless and I’ve recently become very very envious of my single friends with kids. They are frazzled during the week but then the weekend comes and they both have either a day or two days to basically do as they please. They’ve also each had long weekend breaks abroad, one alone and the other went with a childless friend. I know DP would be happy for me to arrange a one of trip like that but I find that the weeks pass and I don’t ever get me time. I do go to the gym and I go out to the hairdressers etc when it suits which I appreciate my single parent friends can’t do but I would honestly love love love to know the weekend arrives and I can have a block of time to do something or do nothing. AIBU to expect to have this time? Do others have it? I don’t feel like a gym class and random hair appointments etc are really ‘time off’ from parenting. Pretty miserable about it all.

TBH, none really - unless I book myself into a fake meeting at work for a couple of hours..

My kids dad sees them twice a month for a day if I'm lucky, so that time is generally spent catching up on stuff around the house or other maintenance, I rarely get any time when I'm not either working or looking after the kids at all.

It is relentless, but it's only another 4 or 5 years until they're old enough to be left alone (at least one able to drive) so I could go away for a weekend or something.

hHalf an hour lunch break when in the office 3 times a week, an hour in the gym 3 times a week and an hour Saturday mornings for Parkrun.

5 and a half hours a week, I don’t feel like I need more tbh.

Very little. I manage a 20 minute work out a couple of times a week. I find my commute stressful but can usually read the paper or a book so if that counts about an hour twice a week.

I think you have to be organised and non negotiable about child free time when you have small kids! My husband and I both work full time and long hours and we each have set days of the week where we are responsible for the kids in morning/evening and the other can go to the gym/work late/see friends etc. At the weekend we also both take 3 hours to ourselves on a Sunday. And if I choose to have my 3 hours at home having a bath/reading in bed etc then DH won’t let the kids upstairs and will entertain them so I have a proper break, and I do the same for him. It doesn’t work the whole time eg if they (or one of us) is ill, but generally we manage to stick to this and I’m a much better parent for it!

5h off solo a week when you don't count evenings or appointments does come across as a bit demanding TBH.

Every fortnight, sure. We generally approach it that one of us usually gets half of Saturday off, and the other one looks after the baby. Then we shuffle around doing chores to leave Sunday as family day (though if we want we take turns sorting naps).

I think it helps to stop thinking about free time as acting as if you are childfree.

Came here to say exactly this

The time when I can mindlessly scroll on MN with a baby attached to my breast.... does that count??

What is 'me time' if it's not going to the gym??

😂

I think it helps to stop thinking about free time as acting as if you are childfree.

Good advice. I value a walk (or a run) with a sleeping baby in the pram. I value my evenings which are short and sometimes interrupted by children, but it's what I have.

I think you need to lower your expectations OP... sorry.

I think you're creating this issue by being a bit glass half empty about the time you do actually get.

You could have each Saturday to yourself with DH being with the kids and they swap on Sundays but then you'd get no family time and that sounds a bit miserable to me, but if DH is on board go for it.

None of that is child free time according to OP's definition... 🤔

Well she wants a block of child free time at the weekend and we manage to take a block of 3 hours each to do whatever we please! It might not be an entire day, but I agree with the poster that perhaps we need lower expectations of child free time when kids are small…

None at the moment. 5 dc aged between 18 and 10. Not that I'm complaining, just stating a fact. During the school day I just have the 18 year old at home so that's a lot easier than when they are all here. He has SN though so he still needs quite a bit of help with various things.

Needs to be more than five hours for OP!

I only managed that at work.

I agree with others that this is unrealistic with young children. How old are your DC?

I tend to get a few hours over a weekend when DH takes DD (age 9) out, or if he’s ‘on duty’ downstairs while I relax upstairs. I usually go to a knitting group once a week, and DH also has an evening hobby. Plus the occasional nights out for each of us. It is easier now that DD is older and more independent.

We don’t have family nearby so don’t get have any babysitting or sleepovers. DH has taken DD to visit his family in school holidays a couple of times - I’m usually working, but enjoy the novelty of a quiet house and nothing to do in the evenings!

Very occasionally I have booked a day off work while DH is at work and DD is at school, which is blissful.

1 to 2 hrs before bed and even that's becoming a stretch as teenagers in the house mean you're on the go until sometimes 11pm or later to remind them to get that light out!

Not unrealistic at all. My next door neighbour has often loads of child free time as she's in a new relationship, had a kid with someone else so her three eldest DC go off to their Dad's various times of the week. She doesn't do the school run more than once per week. She orchestrates it so she does as little as possible.

I need to divorce DH so I can get all that free time too🤣🤣

Likewise!!

Or he could do what my ex did and decide to do zero parenting and you end up doing 100% of it 🤣

Gotta be honest everyone, a great divorce is a wonderful thing! My ex has made a far better ex than he was a dh! Stepped up for the girls, does good exciting stuff with them, takes them on wonderful holidays, and I get loads of lovely time, safe in the knowledge my kids are being wonderfully looked after.

Well I’m separated so I have every Monday and Tuesday evening and then every second weekend from Friday through to Sunday…to be honest before that though, it was very little.

I count exercise as time to myself as with limited time off that is what I prioritise. I have the odd weekend away and occasionally take a few hours on a weekend to see friends or do a hobby plus u find now they are Primary age I can read a book while they play (admittedly still likely to get interrupted). I agree with the sharing the nights or so either you alternate bedtimes or have set evenings per week. I find it relaxing knowing for example that Thursday evening is mine to plan as I like

Zero

I have a couple nights a week where I read for half an hour after dh gets home and takes the dc. Sometimes I have to poop at 4am so that's another 10 mins.

Very very little. The occasional run and that’s it really. Evenings after kids go to bed are spent doing housework. Kids aged 2 and 5, work 4 days per week.