How much time do you have for yourself per week if you have a child?

[mumdone1]

I probably am being unreasonable but I am at my wits end. I feel like I have no time really just for me. DP does his share of parenting but it’s just relentless and I’ve recently become very very envious of my single friends with kids. They are frazzled during the week but then the weekend comes and they both have either a day or two days to basically do as they please. They’ve also each had long weekend breaks abroad, one alone and the other went with a childless friend. I know DP would be happy for me to arrange a one of trip like that but I find that the weeks pass and I don’t ever get me time. I do go to the gym and I go out to the hairdressers etc when it suits which I appreciate my single parent friends can’t do but I would honestly love love love to know the weekend arrives and I can have a block of time to do something or do nothing. AIBU to expect to have this time? Do others have it? I don’t feel like a gym class and random hair appointments etc are really ‘time off’ from parenting. Pretty miserable about it all.

1 parents, both working full time, rural (so not easy to get to gym/see friends etc), 1 child aged 6.

The only real free time I get (when I'm not either parenting/working/on duty) is when I go away with work. I do this twice a year and oh how blessed are the evenings when I have finished work and can potter around with freedom! Utter bliss. It's one of the reasons I took a job with travel post kids..... other than that I haven't had an evening or a day out by myself in 5 years.

I would say 5 hours a week is doable but not all at once, spread out as an hour here & there. If both you & your husband take basically a full day each of the weekend then there’s no time for family stuff and it also means you each have 1 full on day on the weekends. You’d be better each having say 2 hours on a Saturday, one of you in the morning then one of you after lunch

Single parent but my 8 year old's dad died when he was 4 so it's just me and him. Can ask my parents to babysit but it's not a regular agreement and would normally only be for one night. Would love to go away for weekend in lakes or similar but would feel bad asking parents/leaving son.

I have Fridays off while DS5 is at school.

Prior to this though DH and I have always traded cinema trips, nights away for gigs etc. I'm going tonight to see Beetlejuice!

Quite a lot now. My son goes to pre school for 1 full day and 2 half days. And goes to sleep at about 6.30 each night and never wakes! (Unless ill but it's rare).

Plus my husband often takes him out for a morning at the weekend. And he's a teacher so I gey quite a lot of time over school hols as well.

In terms of whole days or weekends away, none but I'm not bothered about that anyway. If I were, probably a day or night away every couple of months would feel fair. My husband and I don't have any help (ie no family nearby) so it's just us.

I feel lucky - although we did stick to one child for financial reasons and lower stress!

Well, by your standards, none, as apparently evenings don’t count. My son is only a toddler and my husband works a lot, so it is what it is.
Personally I find it weird that you seem to think gym classes and going to the hairdresser don’t count either, I’d say you’re being unreasonable in thinking that really.

Not a huge amount but DH and I play it pretty fair. For every evening he goes off to do his hobbies (martial arts mainly), I get a night off to myself, so as soon as we’ve had our dinner I’m off duty, he does bathtime, stories, bedtime and cleanup, as that’s what I do when he has his hobbies (I usually use these evenings to game or sew which are my main hobbies). So maybe 1 or 2 evenings a week, which is a definite game changer and helps keep me sane.

Just anecdotally from the people I know, this is quite rare (unless it’s the husband off to golf which seems to be an all day activity!). Coffee out, or gym, or popping to the shops etc at the weekend maybe but not usually 5 hours plus at a time, every week. Usually because people are doing days out as a family, or getting chores done, or tag teaming a baby or toddler etc and having one each. Nothing wrong with carving time for yourself at all I just don’t think it happens that often as you have to be disciplined about it

Quite a lot but not generally in big blocks like that for either of us. So after 8 till bedtime, I do some volunteer work, about 3 hours a week, and then maybe a meal out with pals or another couple of hours somewhere a couple of times a month with friends or at an event.

(And my evening doesn’t usually start until about 8.45/9 as my eldest won’t fall asleep on her own and doesn’t like to sleep and I’ve got a younger one too that isn’t asleep until at least 8.15. 7pm would be a dream!!) we also hate doing bedtime solo so I never go out in the evenings…

Most evenings. My DD is usually asleep by 8.30 but I like to go to bed at 9-9.30 as I’m up early so not a lot of time to do anything. Other than that I don’t have anytime in the day as I work full time, DH works away a lot so can’t commit to hobbies and weekends are full on.
Hair appointment every 6 months or so and occasionally go shopping by myself for some meeting.

Should really try and carve out some more time, maybe try some exercise early in the mornings!

What's the problem with booking something though? Your DP said it's fine, so what's stopping you actually doing something? You said you can't find the time, but if DP will be parenting your DC then what time do you need?

As others have said, this is definitely unrealistic with young kids.

Bar a work trip, I don't really get "time off" as such and my son is almost 3yo. I get maybe 30mins -1hr in the evening to just collapse with my phone but the rest of the evening and the weekends are spent on kid activities/outings/playing/life admin/errands/shopping/cleaning/etc. No gyms/coffees with friends/etc. I always wondered if others were getting more than that.

I think your expectations are quite unreasonable tbh @mumdone1. Of course evenings/gym/hairdressers count. I can’t imagine many parents have a full day off each week?!

My DH works offshore for long periods of time. Only childcare I have is nursery during my working hours. No local family etc. So I realistically get evenings (from 8ish when DC is asleep and I’ve sorted laundry/dishes etc that need done) & an hour at the hairdressers maybe once every 6 months or so at most.

In almost 4 years I’ve had one chunk of time 1.15pm-5pm when DC did an extra afternoon in nursery while I attended a funeral 🙈 I’m not sure I’d count that as “me time” though.

I could make more time for myself when DH is home but we have 3 days a week at home together as a family when this happens and always prioritise family time.

When my kids were little, no proper time (as in going out and totally away) but i had my kids early 90s - 1st born 93 and last born 2007 before all this gentle parenting became a thing.

So all mine were in bed by 7.30 pm and me and DH had every evening to ourselves.

I have 5 kids altogether and really made my career out of being a Mum. I re trained as a childminder when my eldest was 7yrs old and we worked a very traditional household where DH was main breadwinner and went out to work.

I stayed at home and did everything else. So i was on the go all day until 7.30.

They all slept through the night from very young babies so i was waking fully rested to face each new day.

And of course i really, really loved being a mum and childminder.

Exactly what is it you want to do in evenings that means you can’t consider it time to yourself?
From 7pm is my time every single night. No, I can’t leave the house, but there’s a lot of other stuff I can do.
Also, I don’t know that single parents are rejoicing in their “time off”.

I have a 1 yo and 4 yo and I’m SAHM.

I get 7:30pm onwards and maybe 2-3 hours at the weekend.

so yeah like 2 hours a week????? Gawd that sounds awful hahha but I love it

Why can't you book a weekend away with friends?

I have a group of friends with a mixture of single and married parents. It's much easier for those of us who are still married to find a free weekend as we just have to ensure our husbands are not working or already away. The single ones only have every other weekend to work with and then may have to negotiate the Friday.

I find you just need to allocate yourself time. I see friends for weekends probably 2-3 times a year and may have the odd day trip in between then. My husband does the same. We just book it in early.

Mine are in bed by about 8.30/9 so I have from then to myself. But if evenings don’t count?? Then zero! Maybe the odd evening every few months I’ll go for a drink or something with a friend.
We do things together at the weekend and with 3 kids I’m not sure how time to ourselves would work. I don’t mind though, I’m happy, it works for us If you’re unhappy then that’s an issue and I hope you’re able to change something.

Mine are now older so I have to bribe them to spend time with me but from the early years my tip is to get into a really good consistent sleep routine. Barring one or two vomiting incidents I can't remember any other time when my kids have needed me after bedtime. This makes a massive difference in you feeling like you have time to yourself.

Are you kidding?!?!

That would be an absolute luxury! Hire yourself a weekend nanny!!

8pm until 11pm evenings. ONE if you can be on duty.

Then take it in turns to look after the kids on Saturday morning whilst the other has ME time.

I'm usually marking in the evenings so don't even have the luxury of that time alone!

Virtually none! DC are 5 and 9, DC5 has additional needs.

work full time, and kids home the rest of the time. Evenings difficult in terms of DC5. Co-sleep second half of the night. Might get an hour alone together in the evening if we’re lucky.

DH and I share all tasks and childcare but often one is with each DC, so then neither gets a break! We try to make sure each of us gets an hour or 2 at the weekend to chill out.

We’ve taken to booking a holiday each, with friends, each year so we get a child free break.

next year we’re having our first break as a couple while granny moves in for 5 days to look after dc.

im so excited! I love dc to bits but really need a break.

fuck all. Now my kids are 12 and 14 they actually go to bed after me so I get zero alone time :D

No, is the honest answer. I don't even get time to work out.
Does your husband get long blocks of time to himself each week? Mine certainly doesn't.